I want to be happy but i cant take
the steps to get there. it seems like
im only comfortable in the midst of despair

today is filled with pain
today is filled with sorrow
but still, i hope for a better tomorrow

i remember that **** clearly
there was no one around to hear me
as i screamed and shouted
i seriously doubted
that i would be found, and
given the help i needed,
as i pleaded to god
to let me see another day
couldn’t keep from sleepin’
i could fel death trying to creep in
by then, i came to terms with my fate
i still remember the date
10-26-14
that day will forever haunt me
it all feels like a dream
i can’t seem to wake from
they say light comes after darkness
but its pitch black in this ghastly abyss
“right now i should be dead”
a thought i can’t get out of my head
it just don’t sit right
this is hands down my hardest fight
feels like i’m lost in the universe
nothing like a blessing
if anything, its more like a curse

i met this girl when i was 5 years old,
and what i love most she had so much soul.
her vibe was cooler than rock and roll,
gotta say she had me feeling some type of way
i knew our relationship would grow to be big
she can be aggressive at times, which i kinda dig
be careful with what you say to her, cause shes got an attitude NWA would prefer.
I knew she was no one to **** with like the Wu
but to me shes been nothing but sweet
when i truly listen to when she speaks, its almost like she makes me feel complete
she exposed me to a new culture of afrocentricity, it opened my eyes to a whole new level of creativity
i fell in love with the things i heard, it was her elaborate spoken word.
her story is never borin', cause she be tellin' my whole life with her words like Lauryn
i know we come from a different way of life, but it doesn't seem to matter cause she's just my type
she had me singing songs from "hey ya", to the funky soul of de la.
she picked me up when i was down, she was there for me, when no one else was around
she was there to wipe my tears away, she always knows the right thing to say.
she always told me what i needed to hear
with her i have nothing to fear. she relaxes me when i'm around any one peer
shes made me want to learn and gain more knowledge.
to be honest ive learned more from her than any course in college
we didn't always get along
she wouldn't say it, but i could see something was wrong
we just couldn't relate, emotions smothered with hate.
i figured we needed a break
we needed to see what others had to offer
some came my way, but i still couldn't keep my mind off her.
i thought maybe we were done
my feelings were gone
taken out by Ms. Badu with "Mama's Gun."
but she reached out and we reconnected, and instantly those feelings were resurrected. I can't explain it, its like our souls are connected.
i missed her intelligence, and could feel it just being in her presence
i saw who i fell in love with was actually still there
we don't always see eye to eye, but truthfully i don't really care
we are together, and creating a better bond with each other
on the list of all the things i love, she climbed her way to the Tip-Top, theres no one else above
she goes by many names, but i just call her Hip-Hop

spent an entire month in the hospital
and not once did i see a toothbrush
or my wounds anointed with a topical ointment
it was clear an infection was there
considering my leg turned an odd
shade of green, it was honestly a
grisly seen to see my flesh come off with ease
my doctor tried telling me i
was only seeing things, he said “what do
you mean? thats just the light. its not green.”
i said “hell no! i got perfect eye sight,
and that **** aint right!”
he blew it off with a soft “pfft”
and just continued on with his shift
when i first got there a nurse asked
what happened to me, and i told
her the story of my fall from mid-air
as i listed al of my injuries, she sees how
lucky i am, and said “could’ve been worse.
could’ve gotten diabetes.”
i couldn’t say a word, i was so confused
at what i’d just heard. all i thought
was are you kidding me? am i hearing
this right? these are the people taking care
of my life? i didn’t know what to say,
just laughed it off and said, “wow, hadn’t
thought of it that way.”
i remember feeling so disgusting, sitting in
my own filth, yet they only felt
like discussing each pill they gave me
feel like they barely even washed me, used
like two or three hand wipes. i was
feeling hella musty
it was so embarrassing. i was doing PT
and got a whiff of the air passing
around the room. i remember thinking
why does it smell like ****? i took
one look down, and saw it all
over my ******* gown. they gave me
new clothes, and put the others to be
disposed. i confronted the nurse, i
learned thats a tactic that never actually works,
she treid to prove me wrong, she
checked and said “you see, nothing there”
“well clearly it wiped off on the other
pair.” and i pointed to the clothes bin
i had forgotten some dude came
in and emptied it out, then she
just looked at me, full of doubt
they made me feel like i was stupid
like i didn’t know what i was
talking about. i’ve never delt with
such incompetence, had me feeling like
i didn’t even matter. no wonder
i lost my self confidence