Struggling Pen

Struggling Pen Nov 2018

I knew this is a weak appeal
To say I have prior claim
On you...
Just because now she's there
But what can I do?
This is how I feel
As if my world were shattered
When she appeared all of a sudden
I know my place
I know where I stand
Still...
Can't I feel pain?
For my me and you moments
Are now invaded
And became you and her with me looking on
This is my prior claim
That we met first
That we became closer first
That i stayed where I am
Even after you met her
That I am still by your side
That you continue to see me
That you share your moments with me
That you still claim
I am your dearest friend
How foolish of me
To feel this way
To claim your sweetness
As my very own world
To insist I still have you
Like I used to
Like nothing has changed
I am a fool
I am insane
I am hopeless
Just because...
Of my prior claim.

Struggling Pen Sep 2018

Lingering Scent

Here I am
Alone with your lingering scent
The only indication
That you were here
It was real
And not an imagination

Bathe in your fading scent
I try to reminisce
Those moments you were here
Your smiles that made me smile
Your gentle and subtle touch
On my hands..elbows..back
Those were moments ebbed in my memory
Something to look back on
And wishing there would be a repeat
But no...you are finally walking away
Turning your back on me
Without goodbye
Without notice
Without a final glance

It was as sudden as a thief
Running away with my emotions
I thought was intact all along
But you were able to steal a part of me
I was guarding for a long time
You who has no license to do it
You who never should have smiled on me
I am now at this moment
Alone
With your lingering scent
Hoping it would stay
A little bit longer with me.

Moving forward i s tough

Struggling Pen Jun 2018

Waiting

Curled on my bed
I feel cold and numb
For hours
I just lay here
Silent
In reverie
Waiting
Waiting for something
I don't know
Or perhaps I'm lying
Even to myself
Why I am sad
Why my eyes are puffy
But I can't accept this truth
My ego is crushed
Along with my heart
The moon is looking down on me
Through a gap on a window
Bathing me with it's forlorn light
Empty and alone
I curled once more
Waiting
Waiting for day break.

Bad days are the hardest ones for me.

#peom #poetry

Struggling Pen Jun 2018

Misery

I close my eyes
Fighting tears from falling
I heave a sigh
Praying for strength
Let this phase pass
Take away this weight
Inside my chest
For once let me be
Go away
I've been down on this road before
This is painfully familiar
And I don't want to be here again
Still...I ache with sadness
How do I stop this
With you I am vulnerable
You make me weak
Me who have been doing fine
But now there is misery
You never realize
It is you...
Why tears are breaking me apart.

#poem #poetry

Struggling Pen Jun 2018

Melancholy

Staring ahead
Looking and yet not seeing
Mind is empty
A feeling of melancholy
Hits me without reason
Pensive
This is how I look
If you happen to see me
Sadness is written
However I hide it.

#poem #poetry

Struggling Pen Jun 2018

Let Memories Stay

I'm scared
I see signs
That you are getting confused
Bit by bit you are forgetting
I worry every minute
Hoping my instinct are wrong
But then you keep asking
Something you used to do
Now you can't even remember how
I patiently ask you to remember
Teach you how to do it
Where to turn and walk
To familiarize once again
The things you knew
Feel your surroundings
Slowly you try hard
So hard it is painful to watch
Observing if you are losing memories
And hoping not
Grateful for each moment
You still remember things in your mind
Some things that makes me heave a sigh of relief
Begging you won't go there
To a place only you can know
That your mind will always be here with me
I can understand why you are losing your bearings
You totally lost your sight
And yet you remember each path
Each place
But please
Let it just be your sight why you are forgetting
From time to time
Coz I am really afraid
Let memories stay
With you.

#poem #poetry

Struggling Pen Jun 2018

Fooled Again

Here you go again

Appearing in front of me

Smiling..beckoning

As if it is but natural

When I have already taken steps

To stop this insane feelings

To turn around and not look back

But here you are

Invading my peace of mind

Suddenly..without so much as a warning

I feel disoriented

Confused again

And my resolve wavering

I feel weak just seeing your smile

Innocent? Oh no!

You knew! You knew you melted my disguise

My mask fell apart

And found myself answering your smile

Beaming as if you are a gift

Early in the day

Like an idiot I was fooled again

And this what's hurt most

That after your smile

Which looked like a promise

Again...you ignore me

Only minutes had passed

But I was a fool waiting

Waiting and being left alone

Here...just to hear you say

Yes I will be there.

#poem #poetry