I'm not sure how to tell you,
that I'm still an untainted ocean.

For I have watched the birds come and go
And I can speak for years about the rain and the wind
I can tell you the patterns of the sky and the stars
I can pretend like many have sailed through my waters before

I bet you think they have
With my water so wide and the eroded banks along the shore
The vague, mysterious stories I tell
About the waves that cross my body
However, it is all fantasy
For my ocean is untainted and no one has sailed here before

Because every time someone tries to step on the tiny pebbles
on the furthest coast
I cause a storm
I destroy their chances
So I may remain untainted
an untainted ocean

call me naive
just say it already
tell me I'm foolish for picking bouquets of dandelions
that I'm silly when I find your face in the depths of the sky

Acknowledge that I'm innocent when I pull away from your kiss

But don't take away what is mine
Because I fought for so long to get these guileless thoughts out of my head
to only want to be young instead

Maybe years from now
we'll live out the scene we created today

looking face to face
and never
ever
having to say goodbye
your eyes meet mine
and we gaze
stare for hours
as you look into my heart
and I look into yours
and we see the contents of each other's souls
buried without viewing for so many years

but we didn't create that scene
it was just me
and im not sure if you knew
or know now
even though I tried to tell you

I tried to show you subtly
but you didn't care to look
and now you are gone
and the reel will never be played

As I stare out the window
watch
the cars drive along the perfectly made roads
see
the people moving in and out of the city
hear
the birds chirping
feel
the soft breeze pulse through my skin

I wonder if this world is faux
a figure of my imagination
a hopeless dream
I've created
to cover up
the unfortunate reality
to hide
from the anthropogenic plague of
that which is
surreal modernization

To the boy who smiled at me
when he sold me my tacos

I bet you don't know
that I was crying before I saw you

That my eyes were filled with tears
as I gave up on everyone in the world

But, your smile and friendly face made a difference.
Thanks.

tell me...
im begging you.
take away this feeling.
make it go away
or let it grow.
Either way
I need an answer.

I crave the feeling I once had.
The seductive, yet subtle feeling that you would never be mine.
The rush of hormones that filled my body and brain
every time I felt you pull away.

It was never you I truly wanted.
It was the feeling of not having you that I craved.
The feeling of never being able to stare you in the eye,
for you to tell me that I am yours and
you are mine.

The dopamine has dissipated.
The feelings have vanished.
And for now I wait.
Until another comes along,
to make me crave their lack of love.