I’m finally 14, finally a teen finally here
You’d think I’d be happy you’d think I’d cheer,
Who knew how hard this could be
Second year at it and I want to flee.

I’ve had it to here with all of these responsibilities
There’s never a chance I just get to be me,
Finally a grown up yet it feels so wrong
The madness just started but it’s been so long,.

I only have 2 hands and one mind
So how can I balance everything in the grind,
How can I stay standing with so much on my shoulders
They call it a small world but I’m holding up boulders.

Maybe the world could put itself on pause
While I pick up the pieces and justify this lost cause,
It’s hard to make the grades when I sit there in doubt
I’m sorry sir but my heart just fell out,
Can you give me a moment to put it back in place
And another two just to cry in disgrace.

I’m one in million no make that billion who live on this planet
Yet I seem to be the only one who can’t figure it out **** it,
I’m the only one who can’t get it all together
From school to home to dressing for the weather.

I remember the days when I was so free
Nothing to think about but my family and me,
What went wrong in my picture perfect life
Oh reality stepped in with its overbearing knife.

Now my days are all but happy and family drifts apart
It’s not only boggled my mind but broken my heart,
So I ask of the man oh way up there
Please give me an answer send me your care,
Just a little piece for a lonely little girl
That little bit a clarity would mean the world,
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
In our dreams
The world is more perfect then it seems
The pieces to the puzzle fit just right
Love works out when u hold on tight.

Picture perfect a world all our own
Tales and wishes to most unknown
Dreams are like magic when they come true
And when I dream I dream of you.

Dreams make the impossible come to life
A knight with a sword dreamed the boy with a knife
Dreams take us far from here
To where the rain tastes sweet and the sky is clear.

Dreams can take us from candied mountains to dragons & fire
Through our dreams we fulfill our desires
Dream a dream just for me
Hold my hand so I can see
Just what it is you’re dreaming of
I give you my heart I give my love.

In a dream this all exists
And dare I ask but of one kiss
In a dream it could all be true
What in reality I dare not do.

What is secret, what I keep hidden
In my dreams are not forbidden
Dreams come from the heart and fill the soul
Dreams are the things that make us whole
Whether real or pure imagination
Dreams are our own personal creation.

Dreams will make us laugh and make us cry
Dreams will make us come alive
Knowing one day if we work hard through
That maybe one day they will come true.

Whatever your dream whatever it maybe
Look at it in the light and you will see
Whatever it is you want to be,
Close your eyes & dream with me.

Open up your heart and close your eyes
Everything true your soul can’t disguise
All you want but is out of reach
A dream is how the gap is breached.

The wonderful feeling waking up from a dream
Even though it wasn’t what it seemed
Knowing that you can go back again
In the snow or in the rain.

Close your eyes and you are there
You can leave behind thoughts of despair
All you need is an open mind
And have a dream of any kind.

Dream a knight riding the mist
Dream of true love’s first real kiss
Fall asleep then you feel
Waking up to the world unreal
Daemons and sorcerers sent from ****
A beautiful princess fallen down a well
Face a monsters grueling stare
Dreams have the power to take you there.

Come with me to a place our own
Go to where reality is unknown
Come my love, come and see
Dream a little dream with me
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
She smiles brave for her father
Cuz she can't find her mother,
Her bleeding goes unnoticed
and she's trying to stay focused,
On what she knows
And how it goes
but the wind still blows
and the feeling grows,
And she can’t keep it in rhythm
when she see's others girls with him.

No one sees her heart is broken
Her tears go unspoken,
There’s no one there, no one to phone,
She’s all alone,
She’s hurting
and her feelings keep on stirring,
She cannot eat
She cannot sleep,
She’s faceless
She stumbles cuz she graceless,
She’s tired of holding on
cuz her time has come and gone.

She feels her life is over
She needs someone to show her,
She’s not invisible no more.

She's starting to get nervous
what did she do to deserve this
She needs to rise to the surface
She needs to know her purpose,
She needs to know she's not invisible no more
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
With all these bombs that are dropping on me
The light in the dark I can’t see,
It’s hard to have faith when the light goes out
It’s hard not to have thoughts of doubt.

There’s so much pain I can’t take it no more
I’m curled up crying on the floor,
I’m begging for mercy to that *** of mine
Please relive my pain and make the sun shine.

I can’t take it I’ve screamed and cried till my eyes were sore
I’m overwhelmed I can’t do I can’t take it no more,
I’m stressed I’m pressed to the max
I can’t take even my suffering comes with tax.

I’m only human someone have a heart
I can’t hold it together I’m falling apart,
There’s so much on my shoulders your breakin’ my back
My problems aren’t in a list they in a stack,
So much that I can’t carry it all
I can’t do it I’m gonna fall.

I guess this is life, and it all comes with a price
I’m rackin’ my brain like game board dice,
How can I live day to day
If it’s all unfair this way.
The rich stay rich and the poor stay how they are
If you ain’t savage like that then you don’t get far,
Out there in the world it’s everyone one on they’re own
It’s all just a game you find out when you’ve grown.

Marriage is no longer I do ‘till I die
No one goes to high school, they go to school high,
If you watch yourself then you’ll do fine
But if not you’ll wind up pregnant or working the streets for a dime.

You’ll find out that life’s not fair
You may have problems but no one has to care,
All the good ones they change for the bad
They throw it away not appreciating what they had.

The innocent lives are claimed to tragedy
Life isn’t so fair, it’s quite sad ya see.

Nothing will have to go your way
It has no pity if you’re having a bad day,
It has no sympathy to all who suffering
It so unpredictable so predict anything.

Life is so unfair
It has no soul and doesn’t care
No one has to be there when you fall
It takes us one by one or takes us all.

It will leave you feeling like all is lost
I feel as if the pain precedes its cost,
I can’t hold it on my shoulders
I feel as if the world is over.

It can’t get worse the sun will shine
The pain I have it’s all mine,
But I’ll wake up and it will still be there
Blankly to the sky I stare,
Is there no mercy for one who follows
I know the answer my pride I swallow,
There is no mercy for anyone
It’s not over if you think you’ve won,
It doesn’t stop, not now not ever
It will follow my path, be my shadow forever,
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
The sun rises and then it falls into night
People you love get into fights,
The day starts and the day ends
Society is cruel and you lose friends,
Dreams are crushed by the reality of life
The truth about love stabs like a knife,
People live and people die
Once in a while everyone cries.

Innocent lives are ruined by warfare
One greedy person’s action the outcome we share,
Children become people of their own
Rebelling and running from their broken home,
No one sees better than the eyes of a child
Curious mind tender and mild,
They show us how not to live in vein,
Their innocence shelters them from the world of pain,
Children grow up and children die
Once in a while everyone cries.

The sun rises and then it falls into night
People you love get into fights,
The day starts and the day ends
Society is cruel and you lose friends,
Dreams are crushed by the reality of life
The truth about love stabs like a knife,
People live and people die
Once in a while everyone cries.

The world is over taken by the perfect face
Artificial glamour from place to place,
One imperfection is one too many
You’re not beautifully till you don’t have any,
Big brown eyes and flawless skin
Unless you’re Brittany Spears you won’t get in,
Society has no time for real people and their flaws
So what should happen to this lost cause,
All this pressure to be what no one can be
To be a part of this vision I can’t see,
If people are killed because of differences then who lives?
Different People are born and different people die
Once in a while everyone cries.

The sun rises and then it falls into night
People you love get into fights,
The day starts and the day ends
Society is cruel and you lose friends,
Dreams are crushed by the reality of life
The truth about love stabs like a knife,
People live and people die
Once in a while everyone cries.


When the sun rises it falls in shame
Even it is sick of this game,
The world is greedy with popularity and wealth
Anywhere I go I’ll get there myself,
Kids who rebel, suffer inside they suffer alone
Just pleading for attention, they don’t get at home,
Nobody sees how imperfect we are
Pressures in life leave a permanent scar,
How can I be more than I am
I can’t be anyone but me
And I’m not perfect as you can see,
I was born who I am and I’ll die the same
No matter what you do that will never change,
People are born, people die
Once in a while everyone cries.


The sun rises and then it falls into night
People you love get into fights,
The day starts and the day ends
Society is cruel and you lose friends,
Dreams are crushed by the reality of life
The truth about love stabs like a knife,
People live and people die
Once in a while everyone cries.

I could cry a river of all the pain
Build a bridge to get to the same place again,
I could cry for depression, family, and ****** weather
But even I know I can’t cry forever
People live and people die
Once in a while everyone cries,
I could preach forever how it stabs like a knife
But I’ve learned the hard way, that’s people that’s life.
Read more at http://******-in-oncology
Confidence is something I seem to lack
The weight of what others think sits there on my back,
There’s nothing I can cling to to make it go away
Mirrors are my worst enemy when I think I look okay.

My face becomes hot I think I’m going to cry
Now I don’t want to be center of attention I think I’d rather die,
Just think what they could be thinking or what they might say
Rather than take the chance I think I’ll walk away.

I’d rather be by myself and just blend in with the crowd
Times like this I keep my mouth shut, I’ll be noticed if I’m loud,
I’ll just sit in my desk quietly until 2:30
Then I’ll race to my locker and it will just be me.

But I am the worst out of all the people who think
I scan every compliment and analyse every wink,
I don’t know why I let all the things get to me
What happened to the beauty I used to see.

The beauty of what I was, no matter what anyone thought
Now’s a faded memory all the positive I forgot,
Now when I walk down the halls I glue my eyes to the floor
And I try not to get stuck holding open the door.

I know it must seem sad how I torture myself
But what others think first and myself on the shelf,
I wish I had more confidence and didn’t care what others think
Maybe then I wouldn’t consider myself the weakest link.

I wish people would think before they acted and wouldn’t break my chain
If people could think about the outcome then I wouldn’t be in so much pain,
I wouldn’t think about what I wear and that I stick out from the crowd
I wouldn’t have to think twice if I wanted to be loud.

I could be as free as the sky above me & the sea below
Than if I’d never think because I wouldn’t know,
If you could support me and not criticize my style
Maybe then I could return it with a smile.
I saw the tears in my mother’s eyes and the concern on my father’s face. I had no idea why or what was happening. ”what’s going on momma” I asked her. She didn’t reply, she just held my hand and started to cry.

HTTP://******-in-oncology
Less than 40% chance is not what anyone would have hoped for. But you can’t change the odds; you can only fight against them.

When we found out that I had ALL,
(acute lymphoblastic leukemia) my family members tried to explain to me what was going to happen, but I know now that nothing in the entire world could prepared me for what was about to happen.

Before all this I could not imagine all the things that would happen. All the drugs I would have pumped through my veins, or even worse the ones taken by mouth. Trust me they’re not all that sweet Banana flavour. I could never even begin to think about all the treatments and radiation and piercing the port right through my skin. Words cannot explain to you the pain that I experienced just so I could stand here today and tell you my story.

Before I knew it I was hooked up to an IV and all my long blonde gorgeous hair was gone, once perfectly placed on my 2 year old head, now on my pillow.

Sitting in the hospital bed with the sounds of people crying and other children screaming out in pain and agony echoing through my head. But through the pain and suffering there was always someone there to keep me company.

Aside from my parents and family who were by my side the entire 3 years never giving up hope, my aunt Jamie was always there when I felt down. We would always have fun playing games and she would always paint my nails just to make me feel special. My grandmother, a retired nurse herself, was also another very special person; she always knew that I would overcome my illness. Every day she would take me to the chapel in the church and I would stare at the enormously realistic wood carved statue of Jesus. I would ask “even though you look like you are in more pain than me, can you ask your father to help me.”

Then my grandmother and I would go back to the room and say this prayer together;

And now I lay me down to sleep and I pray you lord my soul to keep, but if I shall die before I wake, I pray you Lord my soul to take.

After a while you realize that you’re stuck in the hospital for a while. In the hospital I met an Angel, and her name was Sarah. She was in the room next to me and she had leukemia too. She was a very sweet girl and we had fun together, she helped me not to feel as different. We shared a lot of things like pizza parties, we played in the art room and we gave each other the drugs that were impossible to take. It seemed much easier to swallow when she gave them to me, compared to 5 nurses holding me down while they poured it down my throat. Out of all my friends on the fourth floor she was the best. She was an amazing friend even if she was only 3.

But eventually all angels must go back to heaven. And about a year later my angel Sarah went back to heaven. She died in her sleep, because the doctors failed to find a match for her bone marrow transplant. It made me sad just to look at the empty bed on that fourth floor in room 420. Although it was 10 years ago that she died I will always remember her because she will forever be in my heart.

And even though she died along with other people I cared about like my friend Sister Jacklyn, death never crossed my mind. After her death I still never lost hope, and I promised never to give up. And even after I relapsed and had to start all over again, I promised myself to keep on fighting until I was just like everyone else again, until I could wake up in my own bed and run free without that ****** IV. No matter how painful a struggle no matter how long, I would have fought to eternity to be healthy again.

I was just a young child when I was first diagnosed with leukemia. A young girl who’s fate would have brought her to the grave. But look at me now. I am standing here in front of you and although I may be far different from all of you on the outside, I am still a person on the inside. My physical scars in time will heal, but my emotional scars will remain forever.
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