At certain moments
All that you are stops,
Like the falling of plates
Crashing onto alabaster
A tingling, biting into walls
One is pricked, ****** sore.
Unable to find bearable bearings
In the harvest of despair.
It takes a very long stretch to
Get together a pair of shoes
And walk that first mile.
How many times does a person endure
Before becoming a chip of china,
So sharp it would ****.
For most the brain rearranges and
The pilot reignites
But sometimes , just occasionally,
One dies.

Love Mary ***

Travelling with me were two friends
An elderly gentleman and She
They stretched out four hands
In a beautiful glance
And took me with them
On an unusual dance.

One full of snow and bluebell’s bulbs
The other carried words taken down
From his shelves
We shared the sunlight on a good day
And visions of loveliness to treasure
Always.

Love Mary ***

If I could leave behind Beauty
In whatever form that may be
The fall of light across a curtain
An apple on a pear tree
Putting together
Moments  of minute grace
Privileges unspoken
Things that only I can grasp
Then to this world I was not useless
But like a fallen Autumn leaf
Beauty in its structure
Though its life maybe but brief.

Love Mary ***







Love Mary

Beauty and purpose.

In your garden I see my flowers,
Given with grace to share for a smile,
We started with roses, yarrow and thyme,
Adding poppies, géraniums and sweet dandelion;
Now it is, a herbal paradise,
Collecting fragrances pure and bright,
Healing properties grown with love,
To make people better,
Show them what's right.

To Victoria and Pieter
Love Mum ***

Becoming a man

The walk had been quieter than usual
Both hid our courage inside
We held hands as always
Yours small and soft
With a Panda in the other.

The gates appeared only too quickly
I handed you your satchel
You did not cry though I did
In the warm you looked up at me
And said 'Goodbye Mummy'.

I knew you were then a man
Taking the lead, going first,
That moment clings to me
Cherished for its bravery
My one and only son.

Love Mum xxxx

Before you were mine
You looked after your father
Kept house for a man
Whose life was a disaster
His son, too, called John
Grew up to be a philanderer.
In a grey suit you worked
From nine till five
Thought each day
Could you escape
This noble role set down for you;
A sister you had
Married and free
Lived a life without much strife
So it seemed.
Then as it is the way with men
Who linger after the needs of women;
Frank, your dad,
Taken with a smile and money
Married and moved to the country
To live with Gwen and her mother.
Did he like it ?
I'm not sure
But laziness has its score.
At thirty you were not young
But beauty lay
In your dark and wavy hair
And eyes of hazel brown
That no longered frowned
For you married my dad
And I am glad
Before you were mine.

Thanks to my lovely mother Grace Emily Ayton - Robinson and to Carol AnnDuffy who so inspired me with her poem.

Love Mary ***


Love Mary
Glad to have you Mum

1.

In Springtime I recall the lilacs sweet scented
Growing up the right hand fence at the bottom,
Of a rather overgrown and swayward garden.
Each flower part of a composite bloom, opening slowly its tiny
Trumpet like stamens from where the bees suckled
Filling their back legs with yellow powdered nectar
Which made honey for sandwiches at teatime.

2.
On my way to infant’s school I would clasp
Handfuls of sweet cherry blossom petals
The tips of each petal turning brown in the sun
My shoes covered as I kicked heaps of this candy floss
Pink tissue paper along the road as I thought about school
And the day ahead, in my brown Clark’s leather sandals.

3.

The smell of the scrapings of new potatoes floating
In tap water in a blue polythene bowl in our scullery
And on my mother’s cracked, dry and sore hands
Ingrained with the dirt from compost and soil.
I loved these hands rough yet gentle to stroke a face.




Love Mary September 12 /201

Standing in the garden
Waiting for my tea
I played with the flowers
Games of you and me
Gathering all the petals
To make a baby's bed.
Scently, sweetly blowing
The roses above my head
Round and round the garden
My dancing feet would leap
Floating in my petticoats
The dress with the dainty pleats
In the dappled sunshine
Of a warm evening breeze
Just a little girl happy and free
Calling from the kitchen
A face with a smile
Tea's nearly ready
Your favourite
Cherry pie .

Love Mary for her dear mother Grace x

He was lean, his aesthetic back stretches
Into neat trunks tied at the waist with cord
Sand sprinkled dipping in the circular pool
Where the shells and seaweed floated about
Like newly washed hair his shade of brown.

And this is how I remember him next to me
With our spades and colourful beach towels
Our clothes draped across rocks in the sun
And those plastic sandels with the salty buckles
Cutting into our fleet especially when new.

We were not very affectionate but occasionally
Romped the floors in our nightclothes at bed
Dragging the eiderdowns, downwards in disarray
And taking a length of string between bedrooms
So that we could keep connected by a joining tug.

This was childhood at its most fierce and beautiful
Before adolescence set its patterns on our forms
Marked us out for education and dress codes
Until then we were still securely latched in time
Asking each other, now and then, for piggy backs.


Love Mary for her brother ,Richard.

What was it I found in those words
Spoken with such grace
Given under the lavender
And behind a privet hedge.

Was it that knowledge is nothing
And kindness flows down a path
And roses grow round doorways
And the truth lasts and lasts.

Love Mary ***

I caught you kissing behind the hedge
In the field near the onion bed
Thé river was passing by
And I was much too shy.

So stood and watched with eyes bright
While woodpecker spread his yellow head
And the ground softened at your touch
My hair fell flaxen over the feather steps.

Love Mary xxxx

At the back
Sat the girl
With two brown plaits
Waiting for her
Turn to read
Something from
The Shakespeare spiel.
Worried about saying the words
Could she read them
Would she be heard
Hoped today
She'd be missed
Another chosen
Who could do this.

The years they passed
Became a mother
At last
Learnt all the medical words
And how to feed baby
Without a stir
Travelled on through
Mounting texts
Read Virginia
And her lover
The waves
And much other.
Found Iris Murdock
In a shop
Loved her books
Never could stop.

Went to college
Liked the life
Words never
Caused her any strife
Such was her need to see
The meaning
Within the sleeve.

So do not worry
When you are young
Words will come
When they belong
Captured by the reader's heart
Needed there
This world to start.

Love Mary ***

I loved it when you read to me
Sitting together on the orange settee
Babies  fed and in their beds
Your words in my head
Images fill my mind
Travellers on a roof top climb
Comrades gathered around
Against evil to find
Gandalf was my superhero
Reminded me of you.
Now nearly seventy-two
It really has come true.



Love Mary **

The Lord of the Rings by Tolkein

My favourite book
Read to me at 16 , And again and again by my dear Roger

I never thought
It mattered
All those years
Ago.

Knowing he was
Mad
At twenty-five
It glowed.

Sadly sandust
Besieged hope
Now in poverty
We *****.

Love Mary
Xxxxx

We all have to climb the stairs sometime,
To wave goodbye to friends,
To kiss the roses one last time,
And understand we can't mend.

Though tears may fill our hearts,
Many have journeyed before,
Laid down their possessions,
Quietly closed  the door.

I leave behind my treasures,
The things that made me, me,
The people that I loved,
And those that loved me.

Be thy still of heart,
Knowing you did your best,
Filled my life with gladness,
Right from the very start.

Find in the petals,
The perfume in the air,
Traces of a wonder,
I always shared.

Love Mary ***

Between ‘Call the midwife’
And ‘Dark materials’
Lies my world
A world of reality.

Inhabited by great empathy
But mostly indifference,
Cruelty, liars and vacuous space.

It, this world, has been deteriorating
Continuously for thousands of years
Through greed, selfishness and destruction.

If tomorrow ever rescuers the day
Let it be bright with love and sorrow
And children play in the long grass.

Love Mary **

Between my heart and the page
There isn't any gap
The page needs no looking
My heart does that
It flies there inside me
Strokes across an age
Gives the world a truthfulness
That is handmade.

Love from Mary x

Bewilderment watered in her small hands
The sky filtered its rays through the blinds
Sitting in solicitude sufffereing sunk down
In the days that past it renounced its truth.

Love Mary ***

British home stores once a week
We would meet Mum and I
Would sit for a while
Share fish and chips
Feed baby the bits
Go round the shops
Not buy a lot,
Then to walk home down country roads
Across the bridge, pushing the pram
Shopping in bags.
Home at last Mum and me gasped
For a cup of tea, slice of cake,
Freshly baked.
We bathed the baby, dressed her in
A pink babygrow,
Your first grandchild, I love you so.
Begins to get dark, walk you back to the bus stop
Watching the back of your tweed coat
And sensible shoes, I feel humble inside
That this gentle lady is my mother,
Go safely, I will ring tomorrow
Love Mary .




For my mum, Grace and first daughter and child, Katharine
Maria Kearns xxxxx

The way opened out
And to get through
A bend was needed
Leaning against twig.

So thoughts gathered
Head strong
Across the empty ditch
The company leaped.

The other side was a purple haze
Drifting about above woods
The tops of the trees twittered
And twinkled and fluttered.

The company entered the woods
Lifting lightly their dress
Surrounded were they by
Bird song and flowers
At their feet.

Love Mary ***

Darling granddaughter
A fairy's name
Beautiful and gentle
A poetic refrain
In a cradle
White as snow
Curled like a ribbon
Waiting to show
All of your treasures
Saved for our pleasures
Sweet Evelyn
May your love roam.

Love Grandma ***

Laying upon the grass black as soot
Tangled wings, feathered broke
I gaze down upon your yellow beak
And hope that you might speak.

Jewelled in the grass where
Primroses Spring to life
I bend slowly to one knee
And listen for a sound or two.


Peering into your sparkling eye
Hoping you can still see
Knowing that I love you bird
Treasure this last minute still.

Lifting you softly from this spot
I see you are quite new
With days ahead where singing led
I bent and kissed you.


Love Mary x

Your learning to read my Evelyn
Its not easy at first
Starting are phonics to find
Then sight words behind
One must look and say
To end the day
And pictures help
The words be spelt
With memorial
Prédiction
A dog and a mat
And sleepy cat.

Love Mary **

I can't take my shoes off the road
Verbally swimming me out
On the surface I see all the words
Gliding over each other, waiting.

Choosing is the reason for living
Placing and position another
My purpose gigantically impossible
But the errand earnestly strong.

It takes from infested waters
The dark black tulips of Spring
All that has covered me over
Until the last swim begins.

Love filling a blank page
What it says at the end of its days
Is what two people made of it.

Love Mary x

The trees are blowing houses
In the damp air
I fight for breath but no one comes
My love is getting fish and chips
And the jacket potato will be baked
I have spoken and been silent but
The tree still breaks and what is learnt?
Sorry to those who could not listen
The houses will be re - filled with
Someone.
Love Mary ***


Love Mary

You got her from the tailors
All neatly wrapped in pink tissue
Plenty of pretty dresses
But he did not attend.

The phone calls appeared promising
In the beginning, even excited
But then it was always six o'clock
And inconvenient.

Loving can't be part-time
Need is a regularity
Not a hundred pouches of food
When you promised to be around.

Bluebell smiles in the silver bracelet
A trophy baby for a quiz night
And you can't move on
Because your lighter is broke.

And you can't see in the dark
Because your scared to death
Because no one knows
Bluebell wriggles her toes.

Love Grandma ***

Where did you come from
No one knows
Arrived in October
Before any snow
Deep brown eyes
A splash of dark hair
Rosy and chubby
We all looked and stared.

Mummy took you home
Wrapped in a shawl,
Tucked you in bed
With the rest of them all.
Now there are nine
To wash and dress
The oldest can do it
That's for the best.

Under the Liliacs your were born
A flower fairy if ever there was
Mum named you Bluebell
To match the rest
Of the flowery names
She loves the best.


Love Grandma xxxxx

Along the path walked Bluebell
Her face a rosy glow
She marched like a soldier boy
Going to a show.

On her head golden curls
She wore a bright red coat
And happiness lay all about
Where the little child dwelt.

Love Grandma xxxx

Bluebell  and Blossom were two little girls
One had straight hair the other curls
Their eyes were different shades of blue
And they both loved going to the zoo.

Bluebell liked the Panda bears with soft tummies
And lots of fur
Blossom's favourite was kangkeroo, she fed it leaves
And a chocolate chew.

They got on the red train and raced around
Faster and faster till they found
The cage with the Giraffes big and small
Sticking their heads through the open roof floor.

Back to the train then the pelican's van
Pink and prissy making a stand
Then the penguins joined in the fun
Lots of fishes for their tums.

Two little girls growing tired
Their feet wobbled, and heads bowed
Time for home with cake and cheese
And a drink of milk if you please.


For Evelyn and Florence
Love Grandma ***

The first daisy was your first flower
As if you knew not its name but its power
Caressing fingers found as the sun shone .

Love Mary
Grandma

If you found Bluebell
Laying in the grass
Smiling at the daisies
What would you ask?
Is she a fairy child
Or baby princess
Someone's lost treasure
Please do ask.
For I know a Bluebell
As beautiful as any flower
A little catch of wonder
Of bubbles in the sky
She was gifted by an angel
To show us the way
Of lightness and petal shapes
On a sunny day .

For Bluebell love Grandma xxxx

Everywhere you look
Evil is masquerading as good
Care companies, aid agencies
The church.
Humanity has not evolved.


Love Mary x

Never knew, never heard
Or saw or felt so exposed
By those who trampled on
My bones, just so hurt, Bert.

Love Mary **

Bonny Child

What shall I teach you
My Bonny child
The history of England
Written for our hour
The places I visited
Are but few
You will do better
I'm not in the que
All that is good and wholesome and true
These are the words I'd tell to you
Yet as I speak them and watch your heart grow
I know there is something you ought to know
If we do our best there is no guarantee
That life will be splendid
Happy as can be.
So what can I teach you
My Bonny child
What words of wisdom
Can be your flower
All I can say
Is I'll be by your side
Put myself second
Give you a smile .

For Alex , Tasha and Evelyn who do it well .

‘It was my borage’, said the woman
Seemingly in extreme surprise
That he wanted it.
It was their Wedding Anniversary day
Thé 21 st of May
Forty nine years ago
As usual peace
Smiled on
In the fridge.

Love Mary ***

They were moulded together like turned wood,
Carved and twisted made to last,
A man and a dog, a Boxer dog,
Travelling along our road.

Love Mary **'

Meeting off the road where grass doth grow
Not far from the number ten bus stop
We together unsure of what
So I stretched out on this bench
The night was dark and wetly damp
You in your new boy clothes
Handsome but already chose
I didn't want to marry you
Or even spend much time
Just for half an hour or so
Sweep you with my arms
And so we tip-toed round the hour
Stroking things we should not
Until the street lights began to fade
Then, separately, we left that spot
Goodbye was not necessary
We never came again
Knowing this was not
Lovers' knot
But just experimenting.


Love Mary

Forty years felt this land
Green
But how the  carrions caress
Its shores, pollution stains
In all the halls
Where hang the priveledged
Like bats in the light.
Without vision or right.

With cupped hands the meak
Hold out the remains of the
Saint's words, crying why?
And the challis falls until
Failing retribution they, too,
Break hour for the truth
For carelessness is unbearable
Sorrow.

Love Mary x

When you break
Save me the pieces.


Love Mary **

I am dying of gangerine
But as we have only Brexit
And Teresa May to play
No one gives attention
To the unrelenting penetrating
Blackness inside my head
Soon I will be dead.

Love Mary **

Brightly balloon got marooned
On a wet and windy afternoon
The rope got caught on a boat
Which took to sea with sailing.

On the beach was captain Jim
Swam to waters to pull boat in
Strong and fast grabbed mast
Untied cord and got onboard.

Brightly smiled to be rescued
Riding back on Jim’s nap sack
Together they reach the shore
Time for tea and baked beans.

Love Mary ***

And perhaps only childhood
Nailed me to the cross
Standing in the brilliance
Believing what was good.

Now thoughts just embers
Ashes fallen flames
And bend to sweep the dust
Of those promises broken again.

Love Mary x

Bronze through Autumn
Light strings across path
Leaf as nugget on branch
And me running to meet
The boy of my dreams
Through shadowed steps.

Love Mary **

"Catch up",I said, "Catch up",
But it was he always trailing
Dragging those new shoes
Though they were sand paper
Until the toes nothing but
Dust.
Then the new top itched
Like a foreign skin
So you punctured it
Stretching and pulling
Until the zip almost
Popped.
What were you brother
So angry and gaged?
You grew up to be
An amazing parent.
Better than I.

Bruma was a dark brown tawny cat
Who slept most of the time
On carpet or mat,
Sometimes curled up, on the settee,
Next to the baby or Evelyn maybe.

As is the way with cats,
They wake early searching for food,
So after demolishing biscuits and before the family were awake Bruma
Decided to go exploring.

Upstairs she padded on fat soft paws,
Up, and up in the quiet dawn hours.
After three flights she reached the room
Pushed the door and slowly went in.
Inside she began to purr, thought what fun
I can have in here.

The Lego room was Alex's delight,
neatly laid out with sets so bright,
Some  from the archives, others new,
Plenty of hours of playing to do.
There were houses and ships, castles and vans, stations with trains running and ancient space lands.
Boxes of bricks and fairy scenes, a perfect place for a cat to be.

The train went first off the track but Bruma could not lift it back, so on the floor it did stay,
All the people in array.
On top shelf houses tall with gardens and patios and cars to the fore.
Along the roofs Bruno did step
Peeped through the windows
But suddenly stopped,
Down fell a house onto the ground,
All the Lego bits scattered around,
Started to get a bit afraid,
So Bruma decided to disengage,
Downstairs she went quick as a mouse,
Fast asleep in a trice.
Never again did Bruma dare
To venture into the Lego lair.

Love Grandma Mary ***

Forty years or so ago there was a boy
Who thought life was about building towers
And plastic ships
Out of all those Lego bricks.

His hands shook at every stage
Sometimes getting into a rage
Whilst others watched the tower tops
Hoping none of them would drop
Breaking dreams , beautifully seen.

Once you have glimpsed the stars
It stays within you at all hours
In the night when the moon's alight
It goes on in delight.

And now that age passed the infant blast.
This  boy, who is a man
Travelled throughout the land
Creating timelines in 3D
For other users eyes to see.





To Alex and Tasha and daughter's Evelyn and Florence
Who are all so creative.
Alex also built a Lego room.
Love Mum , Mary Grandma xxxx

When walls cover themselves in ribbons and trailing
Restore hope so children take hands and play their pipes
And run with ropes on sideways to seek out spiders
To watch the rabbits in burrows cry hide.


Love Mary xxxx

In a field at the edge where
The Burnet's reproduced
Their dark wings with six red spots
Giving birth on our hands
From inside their chrysalis.

Mating from egg, larvae
To pupae and adult moth
Took about three weeks
We went almost everyday
The hot sun stroking our backs.

This was our moth Summer
Guiding our courtship with
Fluttering wings and newness
Stepping through the railings
To gain this precious time.

By the wall sat I
Dressed spread out
Tear in eye
On my knee a baby boy
Borrowed bundle
Of treasured joy.

Love Mum

Thank you to Pam for sharing her first baby
With a young girl.