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144 · May 2018
Stock Phrases
Mary Gay Kearns May 2018
‘What shall I tell them?’
Asks a junior doctor.
‘Consultant ‘,
‘Old age’.
Can we accept this
Simplisticity?
Lying has become
Medical heaven.


Love Maryx
144 · Jul 2018
Testimony to failure.
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2018
Why did they let me die
Not even try
Incompetent errors
Written on letters.

No excuse can ever
Be made for their say
One day they may
Pray.
Unlikely I must say.

Love Mary x
144 · Jun 2018
A necessity.
Mary Gay Kearns Jun 2018
Darling daughter, Victoria, I think we both know
That staying away from each other was the best.
For the suffering I have to bear is not for you to
Witness and rather joy sit in your lap and be near.

I have no regrets and privacy is a necessity now
So I might slip away leaving a glimpse of sweet
Memories and a bundle of cardboard boxes for the
Children when it comes to opening time.

Bring beautiful Arlo to see the garden I made
And dad has another grandchild to cuddle.
Sad for the time we never had but glad of what
We did together over the years .Bye Bye Birdie .

Love Mum Grandma ***
143 · Jul 2019
What wonders do we have!
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2019
I got through another Winter
It being not too cold
I wrapped myself in blankets
Gave my room a rosy glow.

Then the Hollyhocks came
Tall and straight and bright
Waving in front of the window,
What a complete delight.

Managed to see the Azaleas
With their very tangerine buds,
The red rose climbs the Plum tree
What wonders do we have.

I got through another Winter.

Love Mary **
143 · Feb 2018
Woolly Bear
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Woolley Bear did not like computers
For every time he put one on
He forgot what he had to do.

Love Mary
143 · Jan 2019
Evening is still.
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2019
Coming to my door
In coat and hat
You bring me food
And this and that.

We try so hard to find a smile
We talk a bit just for a while
I love you more than I can say
Stay with me darling
Till evening is still.

Love Mummy ***
142 · Jul 2020
No said Harry
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2020
He was all black and white
A fluffy rabbit in her hands
Bluebell was two and scary
Always doing a deed darey.

She tasted cheese and threw
It hard across the living room
Now able to talk learnt colour
Lots of animal noises like eek.

Bluebell was special with curls
A triumphant manner took her
She loved mermaids had costumes
Took them out toTesco’s shopping.

Love Grandma mary ***
142 · Feb 2018
Cruelty
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Cruelty is a kind of dismissiveness,
A remembering to forget,
Not to notice or take an interest,
Ignore rather than prepare.

I have met it infrequently,
Thank goodness,
But harsh it is
And sharp as a knife,
Slicing through another's pain
As easy as butter.

Love Mary

To all those who have suffered at the hands of others .
142 · Jan 2018
Painting pictures
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
PAINTING PICTURES.

I spent my last day
Looking at pictures
Paintings of a friend
We tried to decide
What was finished
And found it hard in the end.

How long does one continue
When a subjects found
Does one plod on regardless
Or learn to live underground.

Love to Ian for his friendship from Mary ***
142 · Sep 2019
Daisy May and beyond.
Mary Gay Kearns Sep 2019
Find what you need to sustain you
I can always be their in your heart
My genes have gently infected you
So that can be a fair certain start.

You have all that you need beside you
A family fit for a queen
One that travels the emotions
One that will not let you scream.

Sorry about the wedding, I had always
Hoped to be there, carrying your possessions
And dancing in the night - time air
But the hall will be full so don’t worry.

Love Grandma xxxxx
142 · Apr 2018
My Sweet Roses
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
Oh my roses you bloom so gently
Turning your palest petals down
And the raindrops roll off you
But no words not a sound.

How I love you as your moving
My sweet roses taking turns
Holding out for each other
As the day twists you round.

Then to take you to my lips close
And your fragrance breath it in
Filling my soul with your perfume
From your stamens on my skin.

Now to evening and the light fades
Delicate roses you come down
Scattering all your tenderest beauty
Silent petals lay on the ground.



Love Mary ***
142 · Feb 2019
Soften.
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2019
On high ground through narrow entrance
The allotments opened doors to pickers
Of fruits that of which freedom allowed
Bushes dotted in the sunlight, touchingly,
Where the wasps and flies buzzed around
And the excited voices of children called
To harvest the ripe blackberry as it dropped
I loved my mother’s blackberry and apple
Pie with top of the milk to soften the pastry
With all that love.

Love Mary xxxx
142 · Mar 2018
The returning
Mary Gay Kearns Mar 2018
As her feet left the ground
She found the tree
So positioned that its asymmetrical
Form filled out all her yearnings
For perfection.
Above, as she climbed, casting
A little shadow on the grass below
She thought how much beauty
Had been made by just this one thing
All on its own with only the sun and rain
And changing seasons for company.
It was her tree, it had found her
Lying, in her pram
Its leaves giving protection
To her heart, their movement
Taking away all fear.
Since that time she had returned
And thought of the wonder of
This tree, standing alone,
As she did now on the edge
Of wisdom.


Love Mary ***
142 · Jun 2018
To merge
Mary Gay Kearns Jun 2018
If I read anymore of your poems
I shall merge.

Love Mary x
141 · Feb 2018
Say goodbye
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Say goodbye for me to the window cleaner
And the people who empty bins
The man who delivers the papers
And all those parcels for my sins
Give a kiss to the tree cutters
And the people who pass by
And don't forget my dear friends
The ones who were too shy.
I've had enough of all this stuff
The pain and dragging on
My family, too, are tired of the veiw
And even the letterbox moved.
Phone calls I make
Are just a mistake
As the answers I get are insane
The best I've known are the artists
Who all have an open heart
They know there are no answers
That's why they do art.
So leave out the platitudes
Let's get down to the truth.
Say goodbye for me to the window cleaner
He's made my vision great.

Love Mary ***
141 · Mar 2018
Lovingly goodbye.
Mary Gay Kearns Mar 2018
If I could I would hold you all
Tucked hands into yours
Close eyes together
Finding lashes brush
And where you move
I will stop you
By a loving more
Penetrating and
Unbearably beautiful
Than imagination
Can predict.

Love Mary ,Mum, Grandma ***
I have to go alone as I was born alone .
Thank you each and everyone for your love Xxxxx
141 · May 2018
Death row.
Mary Gay Kearns May 2018
I have become a bird of travel
Bearing winter’s grey and snow
White.
Living my mother’s journey
Later each night.
Youth took me carelessly
Between a row of fools
Threw me back against a wall
With no impunity.


Love Mary x
141 · Feb 2018
Kasper
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
I use to to call you funny boy
Because you made me laugh
With that wide smile
And cheeky grin
Red hair like a Cabbage Patch doll.

Clever with puzzles on the floor
Computer games you adored
Always shy when I called
School reports I could applaud.

All the teachers thought you bright
Gave you prise for your insight
But they did not yet see
The hidden qualities to be.

On your bike on the green
Travelling round with a team
Many friends you did have
Turned into a likely lad.

From that quiet and shy child
Something different did emerge
Clever , yes, without a doubt
But cared little for convention's shout.

Dyed your hair bright blonde
Wearing earrings wasn't wrong
All the teachers turned to see
Someone cheeky as could be .

To my funny boy, Kasper, love Grandma xxxx
141 · Feb 2018
Peace
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Sitting in this room with me,
Resting on leather seat,
Is the partner of my life,
A gentle man at peace.

I love you my darling
Roger from your Mary
XxxxxX
141 · Jul 2018
Walking back.
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2018
Who walked to the end of a road
And turned back?
Realising the reason had been lost
Like a paper handkerchief
Just dropped on the pavement
Getting wedged between cracks
Arriving home with the sadness.
141 · Jul 2020
The red wheelbarrow
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2020
BY WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS
so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens
140 · Feb 2018
Cocktail sticks
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Summer has arrived,
I see you dancing in the rain
Outside a Soho Bar
Gorgeous woman
Humour sharp as ice
Heels longer than cocktail sticks;
It's five  in the morning
And your shopping
Food to start the day.
The train rattles
Jangling the wrist bands
You uncross your legs
Unlatch the carriage door
The children  are dressing
Bags scatter the worktops
You grab two hands
To walk the half mile
To school.


Love Mum **
140 · Apr 2018
Years
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
In the front bedroom
I have been for years
Watching the birds
In the Sycamore tree.

Love Mary
140 · Feb 2018
Spring
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Hawthorn hangs like gossamer
May breaks into sun
Clouds raise the heavens
A new Summer has begun.

Benches line the walkways
Sounds tickle the air
The lynchpin of existence
Turns another year.

Florets of Mayflower
Meet the spreading green
Trees bend into motion
Children are unseen.

And we in our circle
Paint the world afresh
Making every boundary
A moment of caress.


Love Mary
A view from Croxley Green
140 · Jun 2018
Twinkle
Mary Gay Kearns Jun 2018
A star sat on my eiderdown to dwell
And in delight it opened up its spell.

Love Mary
140 · Jan 2018
Bruma gets into trouble
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
Bruma was a dark brown tawny cat
Who slept most of the time
On carpet or mat,
Sometimes curled up, on the settee,
Next to the baby or Evelyn maybe.

As is the way with cats,
They wake early searching for food,
So after demolishing biscuits and before the family were awake Bruma
Decided to go exploring.

Upstairs she padded on fat soft paws,
Up, and up in the quiet dawn hours.
After three flights she reached the room
Pushed the door and slowly went in.
Inside she began to purr, thought what fun
I can have in here.

The Lego room was Alex's delight,
neatly laid out with sets so bright,
Some  from the archives, others new,
Plenty of hours of playing to do.
There were houses and ships, castles and vans, stations with trains running and ancient space lands.
Boxes of bricks and fairy scenes, a perfect place for a cat to be.

The train went first off the track but Bruma could not lift it back, so on the floor it did stay,
All the people in array.
On top shelf houses tall with gardens and patios and cars to the fore.
Along the roofs Bruno did step
Peeped through the windows
But suddenly stopped,
Down fell a house onto the ground,
All the Lego bits scattered around,
Started to get a bit afraid,
So Bruma decided to disengage,
Downstairs she went quick as a mouse,
Fast asleep in a trice.
Never again did Bruma dare
To venture into the Lego lair.

Love Grandma Mary ***
139 · Apr 2018
Black Tulips
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
I can't take my shoes off the road
Verbally swimming me out
On the surface I see all the words
Gliding over each other, waiting.

Choosing is the reason for living
Placing and position another
My purpose gigantically impossible
But the errand earnestly strong.

It takes from infested waters
The dark black tulips of Spring
All that has covered me over
Until the last swim begins.
139 · Apr 2018
It is so
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
When you are not understood
Like the clock stopping its ticking
Yet still there in the hall
As substance without voice
And then there is a turning away.

For no longer all that expectation
An empting of oneself.
Like the snail's silver trail
A relic from the past
Deposited on a garden path.

Love Mary x
139 · Dec 2018
Temporal Fugue.
Mary Gay Kearns Dec 2018
Temporal Fugue  :)
Down to the mill
stone to stone to grind
as chaff removed from harvest
the wisdom of better times.


Thank you Mary ***
139 · Apr 2019
Bewilderment.
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2019
Bewilderment watered in her small hands
The sky filtered its rays through the blinds
Sitting in solicitude sufffereing sunk down
In the days that past it renounced its truth.

Love Mary ***
With love to Janet Baker.
138 · Jan 2018
The boarding party
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
The boarding party.

The gathering was informal
Dressed in what was comfortable
For the cold February day.
Here in front of the window,
The panoramic view across
The fields
Stationary as a postcard
Supported only memories.

My father leaned on the chair
As he always had when
Talking about too many cars
And the age of girls having babies.
We listened trying to avoid
Time passing
Trying to be brave for him,
For ourselves.

The Norman church on the Alan Bay
Road, a place of historic beauty,
Where on holidays we stopped,
To eat the days remaining sandwiches;
Received our mother into the parish
There reunited with her father, Frank.
In the air a gentle voice called helping
tired feet make that last mile home.

Love to My mother Grace Emily Westbrook and my dad Eric William Henry Ayton-Robinson .
138 · Jul 2020
The circle
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2020
Thé garden use to be a complete circle
Drawn out with string taken from centre
to the circumference by hand and edged
It was called a fairy ring around witch
grew many flowers.

Love Mary x
138 · May 2018
We heathens
Mary Gay Kearns May 2018
And wisdom went with her frozen
In glass like snow white's coffin
And what was known singed ash
As petals amongst futility's cry


Mary **
And knowledge became singed ash.
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
When in my thirties whist reading philosophy books
Had this big discussion I called non- space,
In a pub in London with Ian  Pinda and a few
Family  members I'm  not sure who.

Talked about existence and how to escape
Into this place we called non-space
Alex jumped their first with his yellow book
Many years later he finally understood.

Lizzie did it her way with a humour at hand
Made the people laugh, sometimes quite outland
Katie stayed at home against all the norms
Found her own non- space in the palm of her hand.

Vicky went out gliding she  took the slippery slopes
She ended up in Watford with Thyme and a rope
To all those who try reach out for the sky
Find places hidden from other bidder's eyes.

I say well done to you the effort was worthwhile
Don't dig ditches in other peoples styles.


Love to my creative family from Mother Mary ,Grandma ***
138 · Feb 2018
Before tea
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
Standing in the garden
Waiting for my tea
I played with the flowers
Games of you and me
Gathering all the petals
To make a baby's bed.
Scently, sweetly blowing
The roses above my head
Round and round the garden
My dancing feet would leap
Floating in my petticoats
The dress with the dainty pleats
In the dappled sunshine
Of a warm evening breeze
Just a little girl happy and free
Calling from the kitchen
A face with a smile
Tea's nearly ready
Your favourite
Cherry pie .

Love Mary for her dear mother Grace x
In remembrance of things past , thank you Mum ***
138 · Jan 2018
Radio four
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
Sitting round the radio,
We would listen to the play,
Broadcast every Saturday,
In the evening with lights low,
Wrapped in our blankets,
All snug and warm,
Sharing so many stories,
Of lives both great and small.

Those days I remember,
For the closeness that we felt,
Our little family, never remote;
'The Deep Blue Sea',staying behind,
For its impact, of a solitary kind.
Nothing like the radio to let the eye find,
Pictures in the imagination,
Are the very best kind.

Love Mary ***
138 · Feb 2018
I think I am five
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
If you came to my house
A toy room  you would see
With lots of bits and pieces
Collected by little me.

I pretend they're for the grandchildren
Who love them more than can say
But really eBay bargains
Mother bought to stay.

I have pound puppy doggies
And pound kitty cats
Tiny plastic teddy bears
In a cottage pack.

Lots of playpeople
Lego fairy Belville
But best of all the dollies
Over a hundred to thrill.

There is a police station
And a collection of cars
A garage with a lift
And a small farmyard.

The children always happy
When they come to play
Grandma's Christmas grotto
Every single day.


Love Mary xxxx
For my grandchildren .Love Grandma ***
137 · Mar 2018
Suite Française
Mary Gay Kearns Mar 2018
At the end one has to acknowledge
Staring into the eyes of another
That there is always betrayal
But Love understands this
And is not ruptured
Steadfastly it continues
Doing what it is
Which is to
Live.

Love Mary xxxx
Inspired by the film of the title .
137 · Jan 2018
A special moment.
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
What do we do to time.

Who will remember me after I have gone,
Memory changes everything,
With the seasons come and gone,
Lives are full of business,
Few stop and pause,
Finding a special moment,
To cherish and applaud,
But in my garden,
Is my Mother's Hydrangea bush,
Her shoes in my wardrobe,
That sometimes I do kiss.
On the wall is an embroidery,
Done by her dear hands,
And glasses in a case,
That's as near as I can.
Touching the memories,
The hours that we shared,
They are now part of me
Never to be disturbed.

Love Mary **
136 · Feb 2018
Valentine's day
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
It may not be the best,
Or even have decent,
I have no card to give you,
Will last year's do?
The soap in the bathroom
I have replaced,
So now you can wash
Your dear hands and face;
The Jaffa cakes could have hearts on,
As they were bought with love,
So have a Happy Valentine's Day
My one and only Rog.


From Mary to Roger  **
136 · Jun 2018
Yes!
Mary Gay Kearns Jun 2018
Wife : ‘I have a serious inflammatory condition’.
Husband:  ‘I think you want to stop bullying people,
It gets on their nerves’.

Love Mary **
136 · Apr 2018
The Moonstone
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
Somewhere in my mind,
Was something to be found,
Not on the surface,
No digging would surround.
It came out of nowhere,
As I passed the glass,
Peering at a turquoise stone,
A golden broach it did enhance;
It was my mother's moonstone,
A family heirloom,
Embellished with gold filigree,
And attached by a chain.
The Islamic pendant,
On display at the museum,
Sent me backwards on a journey,
To discover you it seemed.

On the way home I thought of Proust,
Tasting the Madeline, tea soaked,
The pleasure it did give me,
To remember times past,
And the fingers of Mother's hand,
Gently do up the clasp.

Love Mary **
Forvmy Family
136 · Feb 2018
On being three
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
On being three.

The baby Elephants and the Kangaroo,
Said to Evelyn "what can we do,
How about a game of cards,
Or racing cars in the backyard?"
"No" she said "that's not for me,
I'd rather climb the old oak tree."
So off she went right to the top,
Looked down at all the lollipops,
Down she came foot by foot,
Stood on the ground and took a look,
Saw how very high she'd climbed,
Said "Now I can write this little rhyme."

Love Grandma
Happy Birthday
135 · Apr 2018
We never went to market .
Mary Gay Kearns Apr 2018
I filled  my basket with flowers
And four baby eggs
A son and three daughters
Under a checkered spread.

We never went to market
For that not meant to be
But cuddled up together
With buttered bread for tea.


Love Mummy.
For all the beautiful babies born to our family

Love Grandma , Mummy xxxx
135 · Nov 2018
Silver and yellow.
Mary Gay Kearns Nov 2018
On a beach in silver
Sat the fair skin child
Sea bells on her feet
Pearls round her hair

Out came ‘tea-stain’
With his yellow cup
Offered fair one sips
Drippity drip, drip.

Love Mary x
135 · Jul 2018
A shiny branch .
Mary Gay Kearns Jul 2018
Can you catch me brother
Down in the ditches
Before I fall
And scrape my knees.

We’ll do our special
Where you go first
And I travel behind
Holding your hand.

The branch was shiny
Smoothed by rubber
And small greasy hands
Not too long to stand.

And we balanced along
A ballet dancer’s song
Feet repeating steps
And LEPT!

Love Mary x
135 · May 2018
Innocence
Mary Gay Kearns May 2018
When I was three I played with worms
They simply were my friends
I watched them building worm casts
And knock them down.

Love Mary **
134 · Feb 2018
The Lego Kids
Mary Gay Kearns Feb 2018
How are the Lego kids,
With their boxes and their lids,
Shifting colours ,choosing frames,
Making vehicles ,City games,
Evelyn likes to see,
Watching as the plot reveals,
A sailing ship ,a caravan,
With her fingers says, 'I Can';
On the bed next to Dad
A spaceship glides past her head,
Then Mum brings in a big surprise,
French it is and two feet high.
So much fun to be had,
Playing with your Mum and Dad .

Love Grandma !Mum ,xxxx
134 · Jan 2018
Gertie
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
GERTIE.  

A family of nine
Mother died
Father took a gun but no one knew
He blew
For the sorrow was too much
I heard.
But you my children's Nana
With your country life
Potato digging
Outside toilet
Did not expect
A Rolls Royce
You came to visit regularly
And at our door
My children stood
Arms wide for your smile
The smell of lipstick
On their cheek
At each third weekend
Roast beef in paper bag
Toys and sweeties galore
At first I found it hard
Different flesh I suppose
But came to love you
As my own
A second mother
Not home grown.

And when you died
At eighty
From a brain tumour
I felt I had lost
Someone I could trust
Stoic saviour of my soul
Whose knitting
I have still.

Love Mary

To Aunty Betty my children's wonderful Nana from Walthamstow. Thank you for all your love and I m
133 · Jan 2018
First draft
Mary Gay Kearns Jan 2018
It was a yellow background,
The sort of yellow that lets the light in,
Here and there were brown rubbings from furniture,
But the overall pattern of black arabesque stalks and couplets of flowers;
A spiky pattern , rather,
Not quite nice in some way.
I expect the rolls had been a reduction at sale time,
Those January trips with dad in the rain,
Arms laden and collars tightly round faces.

I would sit by the fire tracing the design,
Making up stories in the landscape;
That yellow wallpaper was my childhood,
My father's love, my mother's comforter,
I am sitting by it now just remembering.

Love Mary **
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