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Way back behind the high street
Down a cobbled, old, dark road
Sits a place of awesome wonders
And Christmas presents by the load

It's a little, tiny, Christmas Shoppe
It sits alone, with a small sign
It has sooty, frosted windows
And a door of painted pine

If you don't believe in Christmas
Don't carry Christmas in your heart
You'll never find The Christmas Shoppe
It'd be a waste to even start
To look for Christmas Magic
In a store you will not find
For to see it, you must carry Christmas
In your heart and in your mind

It's a place of magic and of wonder
It's only there one month a year
But, if you aren't a true believer
It's just best if you steer clear

Nick and Holly are the owners
When I say owners, I mean staff
They show up each and every Christmas
And these two know how to laugh

The door will open to believers
It can tell, you may be shocked
It decides for whom to open
For non-believers it stays locked

If you don't believe in Christmas
Don't carry Christmas in your heart
You'll never find The Christmas Shoppe
It'd be a waste to even start
To look for Christmas Magic
In a store you will not find
For to see it, you must carry Christmas
In your heart and in your mind

Once inside, the store is magic
It goes forever and a day
It's full of presents like no others
It's just a place you'd want to stay

Tell Nick and Holly your desire
What Christmas gift and tell them who
You would like to get this present
And they will find it fast for you

A gift for grand dad for his workshop
A special plate for your wife's mum
No request cannot be answered
You get your wish each time you come

If you don't believe in Christmas
Don't carry Christmas in your heart
You'll never find The Christmas Shoppe
It'd be a waste to even start
To look for Christmas Magic
In a store you will not find
For to see it, you must carry Christmas
In your heart and in your mind

The shelves are full of nothing
But, then again, you give your list
Then the shelves are full of wonder
And you see all the things you missed

The store is magic, that is certain
With gifts from many years gone by
It's full of gifts lost over eons
To find them now, you wouldn't try

There's extra men for playing soldiers
Made of lead and painted up
There's extra dice for snakes and ladders
And over there, a barking pup

As long as you are a believer
Nick and Holly, will come on through
They'll find a doll from 1940
They'll find a dress from back then too

If you don't believe in Christmas
Don't carry Christmas in your heart
You'll never find The Christmas Shoppe
It'd be a waste to even start
To look for Christmas Magic
In a store you will not find
For to see it, you must carry Christmas
In your heart and in your mind

It doesn't matter what you ask for
This store is full of what you ask
It knows exactly what you're thinking
It is a portal to the past

The prices, are within your budget
There's nothing here you can not buy
Even things now long forgotten
Nick sets the price, and not too high

The store shows up in every city
It's for believers and that is all
the one's who only think of retail
Well, they can do their shopping at the mall

There's toys and games from floor to ceiling
books and clothes and gadgets too
The store, it changes every minute
The things it has are up to you

Nick and Holly work their magic
Making dreams come true again
The help you find your hearts desires
The magic works on all good men

You must believe to gain your entrance
It's your one and only stop
You can find all you are wanting
At this little Christmas Shoppe

If you don't believe in Christmas
Don't carry Christmas in your heart
You'll never find The Christmas Shoppe
It'd be a waste to even start
To look for Christmas Magic
In a store you will not find
For to see it, you must carry Christmas
In your heart and in your mind
I am not beautiful.
I am not careful.
I am not hopeful.
I am doubtful.
I am comfortable.
fully aware ......
But who cares.
Its still me and all this I must bare.
I am hurting
I am sad
I feel like a small speck among other specks.
But as the adage goes.
"It is what it is"
I am greatful.
I am thankful.
I am wonderful.
Because I need to become.
I need to push through.
Although I do not want to.
I will keep walking.
I will keep my head down.
I will not open up to anyone or anything or give it my all again.
It's  sad.
But I am glad.
Fading out fast....
Of course built to last.
I asked if i could kiss your lips.
You reply no thank you I'm good.
There went my heart.....rips.

You kissed me before.
You touched me before.
You made love to me before.
Now no more.

I stare at the floor.
I look at the door.
I hurt to my core.

If I would have know.
If I just let you go.
If I ..If I...If....

Oh how I long for a kiss...bliss
Love ***** ya ya!
Everyday she wakes with a broken heart.
Everyday from the very start.
Everyday she lays awake.
Everyday she wonders why?
Everyday she cries.
Everyday she tries.
Everyday she says goodbye.
"Smile" he tells me.
I do.
Especially around him.
After spending so much time with narcissists.
It's kinda new.
To smile..to laugh.
He grabs my feet and tickles them til I'm laughing so hard that im almost screaming.
I am  more peaceful and have such a good time dreaming.
But ..yessss.  A but.
He will move on some day.
He has told me he will not stay.
He has big goals and plans that do not include me.
I will enjoy the moments he gives me.
The way I feel so free.
How I can just be me...
Although the tears sort of fall.
Im still having a ball.
He wondered why I no longer wanted his touch.
That I no longer held for him lust.
No kisses or trust.
Just my heart full of rust.
Feeling like I got left in the dust.
All because his hand raised , came down on me and then
"BUST"
Leaves behind just a sad girl......
I walked away knowing I must!
Abusive relationship.
I wondered....
I wandered...
Am I really lost in this world?
Or has the world lost me?
I thought...
I pondered...
Is this really real?
Am what im seeing  true?
I cryed..
I begged...
Yet it made no sense.
No difference.
I am still me..its all i will ever be.
And that's cool whith me!
It's 5am again.
I wake alone..but glad to sorta
I lay awake.
Either til 7am Or my little one comes to hug me.
They are learning to get ready on their own and be independent.
8am the bus stops and pulls away.
Back to my bed I lay .
Stay til the mail comes at 10 or 10:30..depending on the day.
Go to check it for any good news.
Again I lay.
Have i eaten yet?
I don't remember.
Its noon..I better get some grub in me.
So I don't fade away.
Let the dog out again.
Once more I lay.
Til  four..Thats when my babies come home.
I make snack..dinner and talk to them about their day.
Wishing all these feelings were not in my way.
Wishing I could  get back the hearing loss and it would stay.
Wishing the government would not take so long to tell me yes, you will get paid.
8 pm..Again I lay.
Closing my eyes to live this same day.
Depression. ..bipolar...reality really bites.
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