We could be free.
If we only knew we were slaves to the pains of each other.
A quote that fills my mind on nights like this. Vic was right. The pain we feel is always from others. A heartbreak, a lonely night. When you feel nobody else around. When you feel your entire mind and body beginning to shut down. I sit here lonely and stare out of my prison. Only thing with me is my mind and it's forgiven. Forgiven her, forgiven them, but it can't forgive myself. It can't forgive the things I've done, the things I've lost, and the things I've done to "just have some fun". On nights I feel lonely and nights I feel sad. I pull out pen and paper till my thoughts turn 180. Like my mind is a bottle and they spin it with no kiss I sit here and wonder "is this really it" I smile a smile that's mixed with a tear. My heart and mind are filling with fear. I stand up off the chair and look over the balcony. It's cold like a heart broken one to many times. My hairs are standing. And I am falling. My prison is broken. My minds no longer stalling. Im free I think with one last look at the stars. Bc once I hit the ground. Thats it. I am done

Love is fickle? When you both don't feel it. How can love not fix all? It's what is worked and strived for, and no one can explain. Your a captive cow in life, your meaning is to be slaughtered. Hearts break and body's shake when times like this occur. Love all ways ends in heart break. Love never finds its course. While we sit here and mop and sob love opens another door. When that door is open you sit and wonder with eyes open wide and Jaws dropped. Love is like a siren,  lures you in and kills you. But can you not go backwards, can doors not be kicked down? We fall hard weather it's in or out of love. But can't that be reversed, just like J Alfred Prufrock once wrote, do I dare disturb the universe? Do we dare walk backwards in this balance of life? Why can't we? Why won't we?My life is a constant walk upon a side walk, but can I not decided to run? Can we not decide to change these things? The answer is no, we can not. Instead we will remain in are walk, slow and steady and comfortable. Petting dogs and waving to children, while are body's are eaten up like black widow young. Do I dare disturb the universe? No. I don't.

Birds grow up quickly and fly away. They can leave the nest at any time or day. To go make families of there own, when they are up and finally grown. I'm sorry to say it, I'm so sad it's true, I figured out for myself that birds always leave you. There are bigger nests and stronger birds and they soar so vast and quickly. Birds always leave you, atleast they do me. Birds always go to a bigger stronger tree. Even if that tree isn't the sturdiest one. That tree gets the birds I so desperately love. These trees have no leaves, just twigs and branches. But the birds do not mind, in fact they like it. Birds always seem to nest in trees with no leaves. Why? I'm not sure, but nature takes its course, when the winter returns, all trees will be stripped, and then these birds will decide, what matters the most.

Kingdoms tumble daily. But why is my fall now? I've ruled for so little, yet my rule is strong. I thought it was happy, this kingdom of mine, and I it's ruler sat back and smiled. I spent money, spent time, and showed great patience, but how come I see all of this has been wasted? My kingdoms not happy and it's all my fault. I should have seen it coming, I showed have showed some strength, I should go there and take my throne back.. But here I am, in the woods in the rain, with all of the other kinds who's reins have come to an end. I soon must watch a new king be crowned. I can not fight, I can not struggle, I must sit here and watch as my work turns to rubble. With each passing day, and each chilly night. I sit alone on my log. With my eyes open wide, while a new king steps in, and the inside of me dies

The bright and neon are my outside. The shirts and jackets are a disguise. I wear hot pink and colors of light, to hide my new world of black and white. I spend so much money and so much time. To craft this world I thought was mine. My friends are great. I love them so. But very soon I'll have to go. My woman is perfect, in every witch way. But unfourtunetly I can not stay. I must go now, to this black and white. And begin my life's first ever fight. A fight against body, I'll fight my own mind. Hoping to find those that are truly kind. Hoping that my color can one day restore. My hot pink can flourish. With the blues and yellows. So I can greet my family and friends with hello's. So that this black and white can melt away. And my color will finally be here to stay.

She walks like a breeze rolling off the sea. A smile and wave is all I need to see. I'm drawn to her, like a flower to sun. A girl I hope I see when every day is done. She laughs and giggles, and smiles that beautiful heart throb smile. She has the glow that makes you think your problems will melt away. Those loveless nights and those terrible frights, that hit you late as ever. The kind of smile that makes you think "I'll love this girl for ever" when I hear her say my name each night I feel my heart take flight. I see her walk through my front door. Her pants and top fall to the floor. I sit and feel something I've never felt before. Her ******* and **** are nice of course. But her words are where my focus is sourced. Her words as she tells me about her day. And I feel that heartbreak seep away. I take one more look outside my room. And I see the tide as there's push and pull. I see two people with an awkward first encounter, as I hear through the door, a gust of wind. A crack a smile and look to my girl "my sea breeze just rolled in"

A sleepless night. From a sleepless day. 70 and sunny. A weird day where I felt so torn. My mind giving my body scorn. A day I felt defeated. Laying here my mind a drift. Thinking. Wandering "could this be it?" Could this be me for the rest of time. Living a life that's pure sublime. A life where I feel defeated. My mind is belting at an all time high. I know that I'm an alright guy? So why on this warm summers eve. Had my body given up on me. Parts of me had split tonight. My mind and body torn. I knew it's bad. Ik it's wrong. But I did it, of course. Now I know I am defeated. Looking right and seeing there. A woman that is not mine. Knowing deep down in my heart that this really isn't fine. No part of me thinks this is right. But I kept ******* just the same. I couldn't stop. I wouldn't stop. My body said keep going. And now I begin to shed a tear because my heart feels like exploding. Laying in this bed not mine. With a defeated heart. Knowing deep down in my mind I've tore my life apart.

A challenge here is what I face. The sun is beating. The air is heating. Scared I stand at the edge of forever. Looking down at what's below. Trembling, as my life is at an all time low. I am so young. Yet feel so old. A feeling That I've felt before. A feeling of my world has already been decided. Isn't that how youth feels today? Like no matter what life fades away? How your life's clock is always ticking. How a wasted minute can never be recovered. I stand at this edge and begin to pace. A challenge here is what I face. I know if I jump I will land on ground. My body seen through out the town. So maybe I should just get down. Before my I am discovered, Before I'm found. I smile now. A smug smile no less. I close while dark fills me up. There is no challenge here to face. Like a sprinter I've finished my race. There is no challenge here to face. I fall with my last bit of grace.

Life is a Circle. A constant flow like a rushing river. Life can be some cold when it reaches out, goosebumps pop, your breath turns cold. You know what's happening before you're told. You stand there facing a lake, a mirror. And in this image you feel great fear. It's you in there. The one you hide. The one you're told to tuck away. The one you wish would feel the suns warm ray. The you that's hidden. That's lonely and sad. The you that even your a shamed of. You don't need to hide. Inside of this lake. You're making life's one terrible mistake. Be you, be true, god made you act like you. Find strength and courage. In the worlds giant hamster maze. Because walls go up, and they shift and they twist. You run into walls you didn't even know exist. You go inward again. Your true you it hides. Push it out, bring it forth, walk past the walls and traps. Because life passes you by, it feels like a snap.

A void of black is like a plague, creeping, peering into your mind. Inside that black lies fear. And the fear of unknowing is worst of all. transported to a place unknown. To be thrown into a situation unpracticed, unplanned. Like a rocket taking off my mind is exploding. The creeping and peering is finally here. The people all stare as I step into madness. The shots round ring as I break through the final plane. To nothing. To my mind. To that final place of black. People are staring, and I am screaming. I am freaking, I am tweaking. I am shriveled against the wall. Tightly wrapped, chin tucked. Rocking in a ball. Eyes closed inside all I see is black. My skin crawls like an addicts last breath. Up here I feel so close to death. Open and I see all the people  gone. All in my head they now reside. I've realized now I'm cold inside.  I take one more look outside that glass. I see the stars and planets pass. I realize now there's no return. My rocket now has seemed to burn. I realize now there is no trip back. I close my eyes one final time and now that fear it has arrived. For years and years I've feared this day. And now I have one thing to say. Calm