I’d rather stay in his navy blue sheets than move on.
I know every stain.
I know the rhythm of his breathing.
His smell calms my spirit.
He knows where I want his hands.
My sweat and his.
My hand in his.
My heart in his.
I’d rather be in his
Navy Blue sheets

But I can’t change them.

You’re gone
I still think about you every day
I have to stop
Letting my mind wander back
In all my free moments
It’s not healthy
But I’m not ready
I know that you’re not coming back
I’m not crazy
I’m just not ready
It’s been 6 years
That’s probably too long
But what is a year anyway
I blinked and my hair was grey
I’ll stop when your voice fades in my memory
But for now
I’m not ready

You make everything else fade away
And then I am sick for days
You are my pills
You are my addiction
Maybe I would be yours if you found me first
Or if I was easier to swallow
Easy to crush up and easy to digest
I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish I was

It was in front of my face
But I couldn’t see it through the wounds in my eyes
You showed me your heart and you begged me to take it
But my hands were weighted down with things I couldn’t say out loud
You walked towards me and held me in your arms but my skin was too thick with the scars you didn’t create
You told me I was beautiful but I couldn’t hear you over the demons I let scream in my ears
You told me the truth and I covered your mouth with lies
I still pray for forgiveness when you are between my thighs
As the thoughts in my head surround themselves with no escape
There is this question in the center
Who am I?
It crawls down my throat and burns as the answer crosses my lips.
No one. Nothing. Alone.

I fell in love with you sideways
Stumbling through
Blurry vision
But I saw you
I couldn’t walk
so I crawled to you
Into your arms
I was drawn to you
The only place where time moved fast
I tried to keep steady
I clawed into you
Covered my face in your chest
But I saw you
It took all my strength
I gave into you
Shattered to pieces
Picked them up for you
Stood up straight
Got back on my knees for you
Couldn’t face myself
But I saw you

Come
Come lay with me
Tell me it will be okay
Like it was supposed to be
Come to me
Tell me you love me
It’s not a memory
It’s a meant to be
Put your hand in my hand
Let me put my face in your neck
Feel what you made of me
Limb on limb
Wrapped up in me
Like it was supposed to be
Pain for pain
Truth for truth
Marry me
I want to float you here
Next to me
Wrap up in you
Come to me
Ear on your chest
Your heart beat comforts me
If you can breathe I can breathe
Even if I can’t feel it on me
I know why you had to leave
But it doesn’t make sense to me
I just wanted it to be something that wasn’t meant for me
But it won’t stop me from imagining what it could be
If you’d just come to me

The love stayed
But the tone changed
I loved you anyways
I just loved you anyways