February
The month of love, forgiveness and joy.
Yet it is treated like a toy
breakups happen the most around this time
divorce papers, broken hearts and children begging for a sign.

The ones you thought were the closest to you, are now strangers.
The ones you fell in love with years ago
now see you for the problem you have had since you were a child.
they see the anger, the hate, the pain.
It has been driving you insane.
you try to hide behind a fake smile as pictures burn through your head of the memories you made through the 5 years
the fights that led to this. the memories that brought you back
the love that holds those memories so close to your heart. It hurts to know you threw all of it away because you were blind with love that you didn't realize it became somewhat of an obsession. didn't realize you were suffocating her until it was too late. and now there is no healing from this. there is no getting her back. you ******* up so badly you are now a regret to her. All you are to her is a lost memory, the pain drove her to call you insane, obsessed, sick, psychotic, disgusting, and the list goes on. Some of those may be right, others, may see them as wrong. All I know is i hurt the one i loved, and there is nothing more I can to to bring her back to my side.

I roll over in the mornings,
and your face is no longer there.
I reach out to touch what used to be,
but my fingers are greeted by empty air.
When I pull the blankets up,
there's a hint of your once lively cologne.
And now, when I'm cold at night,
I pull the comforter up to my nose, so I'm not alone.

I wake up in cold sweats
Screaming your name
I messed up I know.
I miss you though
I got to the point of no return
I open my eyes with tears streaming down my face.
I wipe them away because I don't deserve to be in this place
You don't deserve this pain, I do.
I felt like I was helping and doing things right
I couldn't have been more wrong
Instead I lost sight of everything that you needed
I lost my light
And now I feel the consequences in the latest hour.
The taste in my mouth is always sour.

The sun writes me letters of love
with ink made of the purest gold.
Though I wish not to admit the truth,
it is my heart she gently holds.

My fingers yearn to caress her body,
her touch deteriorates my concrete walls.
Years on years I've protected myself,
yet at her sight, I embrace the fall.

My world trembles when she's not near,
and now it breaks apart.
She slipped through my fingertips
and burned away my heart.