" got any gingers ger" you'd say
                            In you're crude Bristolian way
                             "City did alright today!"
                              Draught bass, skittles
                               Stilton, and port wine..
                               Were just a few...
                               Of you're favourite pastimes
                                You're woolly hat
                                And yer funky bike
                                 Oh my god
                                " what are you like"!!

I feel fat!
        I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar...
         So... that's that!
        What's that expression?
        A moment on the lips
        A lifetime on the hips
        Who cares it was yummy!
         And I couldn't give a ****!...

Oh David, oh David..
  I've got the hots for you
   Each time I see you're photo
I don't know what to do..
  You're only 39
And I am 62
     Please take me out
    So we can have a good time..
    I don't care where we go
    As long as I'm with you
     Kiss me touch me
   I don't care what you do
    I'm putty in you're hands
   And you know it, don't you?
   Ride me, smack me
  Tie me to the bed

Where there's champagne, a scented bath
And candles in the room
+ breakfast in bed....

Ping! You've got mail!
          They come in all shapes and sizes
           Some fat, some thin
           Some that would make you're eyes water...
           If that's you're thing..
             It's not mine, that's for sure..
              " please don't send me any more?"
                I've got so many now I could paper the wall!
                I'm gonna get them framed..
                A talking point at parties
                 To name and shame...
                 Then I'll get my own back
                  By playing " their game!"...

Ooh...l love Italian men...
      Who say "ciao bambino"
" please can I see you again?"
They flatter. with their patter
All the way to bed
    Where there's plenty of action
         And very little said!
        They speak italian in you're ear
        And tell you they wanna *******
         From the rear...
         When spoken in Italian
         *** sounds sooo... hot
          But when an English guy says the same...
           Sadly it's not.....hot!!

Hello my names Wayne, I didn't catch youres"?
When all he wants is a ***** against the wall
Seedy surroundings, and poor decor
" oh god.. why did I come? This is all such a bore"
The music is playing a " rave from the grave"
I'm asked for a dance ( he could at least have shaved)..
He lurches round the dance floor
All fingers and thumbs...
  Oh god! now he's got his hand on my ***!
" you look like you're 38 he leeringly says...
And that remark had nothing to do with my age.
With my elegant black dress and string of pearls
" let's not sit down yet " he said
" just one more turn?"
"Hey Can l come back for coffee?"
He said with a wink
" you must be joking "
I said with a smile.
" l'm afraid that isn't really my style"
" what you doing down here then"
He said in a strop..
" and you didn't quite hear me"
" read my lips... *******!!!!!

Mr kind
                              Mr flash
                              Mr pain in the ****
                              Mr course
                              Mr crude
                              Mr downright rude
                              Mr blunt
                              Mr cruel
                              Mr playing it cool
                              Mr fun
                              Mr stunned
                              Mr " I think she's the one"...

I won't grow up... I never will!
  I'd rather live on a tropical Leland
With a younger guy and chill
Sometimes life serves up a bitter pill
I WONT grow up
I never will....

The oldest married a gay
The youngest married a ****
The middle one lived with a ******
So let's leave it at that!
The first thought it was forever
The second heartache and pain
The middle ones partner ***** her niece
Now life's not the same...
Like the elephant in the room
No one daring to give it a thought
The oldest would like to ****** him
The youngest never gives him a thought
The middle one spends all his money now
And his properties that she's bought!

Boy with the dark blonde hair...
All I can do is stare
From you're beautiful eyes
And masculine face...
You're sensitive fingers
You make my pulse race
Holding me in you're arms
You kiss my face
My face on you're chest
I inhale you're smell..
Touch you and lick you
I have a girl crush
... can't you tell?...

I'm fed up being treated like *****!
Why do men think it's their god given right?
Saying "do you wanna go out on a date?"
Oh... and they never turn up , or just very late...
Which is something I really do hate
" you're gorgeous" " you're scrummy"
" you're **** -and yummy"
It pours out their mouths
Like treacle or honey
" you're really special"
" l wanna know you better"
Which is " boys" code for...
" get yer kit off luv"
" let's get down and ***** together"...

Why are men led by there *****?
" fancy a **** love"?
Better make it quick!
   You'res or mine?
For a ***** and a kiss
A bottle of cheap wine
When you're ******
" l want you baby"
He whispers in my ear
With his hand down my pants
Off comes his boxer shorts
Oops... there goes romance...

Nobody loves you when you're 66
           Oh, you can have plenty of ***
            To get you're fix
            And lust is available if you wish...
            But no one loves you when youre 66....

The poverty trap...
                             That's where I'm at...
                        You can find it at the turning...
                            At the end of the track..
                          It's just past hopeless
                          Then right for despair...
                          Down a dark, dark, road
                          Called " nobody cares"
                             Where they chuck out the *******
                              And any old crap
                          Co's the system don't care
                                 And that's a fact!

I was soooo... excited
                      I couldn't breathe..
                  I've booked  a boudoir shoot
                  Can you believe..!!!
                 I've waxed and buffed
                 Within an inch of my life!
        So much cheaper than going under the knife....
                A photo to keep...
                Of me at my peak!
         The appointment is nearing
       It's the end of the week!
    
        
        I arrive on the day
        Less makeup and bra...
         Already for the professionals
        To make me a ⭐️

            A star for a day
           All pampered and spoilt...

        In my ****** and heels
   I'm positioned on a couch..
    Then over a chair
    I hover.. then crouch..
   Laid out on a bed
   In my **** red set
   All pouting and pearls
I purr...provocatively
In my makeup and curls
It's all so surreal
With bubbly in hand...
The photographer says...
" look at me.. now smile"
" now give me you're sultry pout"
My basques really pinching
I wanted to shout!
When the photos are taken
And the viewing booked
When I shall see
The finished photos
Of the " divine. Amelie"...

A stolen identity
         And a broken heart
           You ******* up my life
           So where shall I start?
           Extracting information
              Bit by bit,
           But who you really are
              Doesn't seem to fit...
             " you are my queen"
               And" l love you babe,
            The words in my mind
         That won't seem to fade...
       Flowers and chocolates
      Delivered to my door
     " l love you.." l love you"
           Over and over you said.
" you're the one I adore"
But you never phoned
And we never met
But now l know the truth
     I just want to forget....

" l've got a cold!"
         "And I feel old"
  I don't feel attractive vibrant and bright..
I just wanna cocoa at the end of the night..
Don't want rampant *** or dress up in a basque!
Just want someone to ask...
" hey how you feeling today?"
Is that too much to ask?
Instead I am deluged with messages from men
Saying" hello ****" can I message you again?
" wanna see a photo of me?"
" no I don't wanna see you  you're ****!"
" l'll settle for a cuppa, hot water bottle and some vick?"
More inviting
Than someone saying ...
" hello honey you sure look exciting..
" in a onesy and no makeup"
It sure ain't that enticing!!!

I walk the streets....
              Come rain or shine,
            Giving men a bit of my time..
            A bit of my time...
           Means blow jobs and ***,
         As I stand and scan the streets at night..
        Looking for a punter
        Wondering who'll be next,
        It's a game of Russian roulette..
       Because you never know...
       If he'll pull a gun out...
       And it's time for you to go.
       Violence and drugs are all part of the scene...
        Slapping on the makeup
        Feeling unclean..
        Being called  a ****
        A ******* or worse...
        Knowing full well
        You will end up in a hearse.

The come and go man
    Catch him if you can....
       If you're quick enough
          You'll see him scram....
               Down you're stairs...
                  And out to his car...
                     And out of you're life...
                        Which means, "VERY FAR!!!
                           He'll take his wine..
                              Which he bought you..
                                                           As a gift
              Then when he's done with you...
                He'll leave you feeling ******!
                         Away into the night he goes...
                        " catch me if you can"!
                     He's the come and go man...
              Shouting " catch me if you can"!

Please don't hit her.. I say a silent prayer.
As the three of us huddle up close on the stairs.
We're all in our night things all ready for bed.
Please god, he won't put his fists to her head.
Lindy is crying. and rubbing her eyes..
As we listen to the shouting and terrible cries.
Geri is sitting as quiet as a mouse.
As we three sit alone in that unhappy house.
As she taunts him,and goads him,and spurs him on.
" you're a ******* she says," do you know that john"
He shouts back and says that she talks utter crap..
Then it falls deathly quiet....
         As we wait for the slap!!

" But why did you do that to me?"l cried..
             " Now don't get truculent,
               Was you're reply...
               Just give me the facts...
              I hear you say.
              " or by god I'll make you pay"
               But you were very cunning...
                You covered you're tracks.
                Always aiming for my arms or back.
               Thank god you never blackened my eyes...
               But then...sunglasses are always the perfect disguise.
                        I'm sorry, forgive me
                        You sob in my arms
          You're little boy lostlook and deadly charms...
                           I can't resist you,
                           I'm a fool to myself,
                           How did this happen?
                           It must be a dream...
                                   Oh god
                  I'm falling apart at the seams.
                                    

I was you're last resort...
  You're feeling drowsy now...
   No need to talk.
You tipped me upside down..
Don't you remember?...
Cascading in all you're glory.

Spilling onto the carpet,
Shovelling me into you're mouth..

You washed me down
With a bottle of water..
I am round to touch,
I don't smell or talk,
All white, and there are many of me..

Shhh... the ambulance is coming soon...
Maybe next time I will succeed,
For I am a bitter pill to swallow...

We messaged on a dating site...
The usual" hey babe, how are you?"
" how's it going ***?"
" u alright"?
Until you said" I'm married"
" oh and btw my names harry".
"Do you wanna play"?
Harry what?
" harry the unfaithful"?" Harry the seducer?"" Harry the ****???"
I don't go out with marrieds... " you're taken"
I'm not!!....

I love a chocolate brownie...
               Their moorish and so moist..
               I have a sweet tooth..
               But it's brownies I like the most..
               The rich chocolate mixture..
               That melts on you're tongue..
                You've eaten 3already..
                Instead of just the l
                It's rich and seductive...
                With a hint of promise..
                And just hits the spot...
                Unlike the guy who's dumped me..
                 What's his name?
                 Oh... I forgot?....

" did you know you're a *******?"
                  With you're pale blonde hair..
                  You're film star looks
                  And you're fixed icy stare..
                 You're perfect white teeth.        
               And you're charming smile..
              You really had me fooled
               There, for a while...
              And oh how I loved you...
              God it's not fair..
             But when I looked into you're eyes
             There was nobody there..
            Mr lights, camera, action!
           " is my hair alright?"
            And we were only going to the pub that night!
           "Is that a spot on my face?"
            I hear you say...
          " do you think it will clear up on the day?"
            " darling what shirt do you think I should wear?"
              " quite frankly darling,..."
              l don't really care!!...

"All I want for Christmas is an action man you said"
                      But by the time I'd realised,
                      Steve was sleeping in you're bed!!
                      " with gripping hands and eagle eyes"
                        And muscular physique"... you sighed..
                        But you were very cunning
                       It took you just a few weeks!!..
                       You're sultry looks and ****
                       And strong muscular charms
                       That's all it took for you to win...
                       And hold him in you're arms!
                       It's been  a " competition"...
                       But all you've done is lied...
                       Though Steven thought it funny...
                       He said he had" two wife's"!..

" Are you going out tonight"?
He stares and takes another bite.
The meal is over .. the kids in bed.
Still a lot of things unsaid..
I'm frightened to ask..
And he's frightened to say.. But ...
I think we both know that he is gay...
Whilst out on my birthday..
And over the meal.
He said" l'm gay"
So how did I feel?
I've met a great guy and we're engaged!"
I threw a wobbly and went into a rage..
Life can be funny and sometimes so sad..
My husbands a queen but he's also their dad!!

In the beginning, it was text, text, text.
" oh I can't wait to see you next."
But when the *** is over...
And alls said and done..
You're antennae is out...
Moving on to the next one.
Men's view on *** is a curious thing?
"Thanks for the meal honey.. "
" I'll give you a ring".
A day goes by..
Then another two...
All the while there not thinking of you..
There in a place called " a mans brain"
Don't ask me how it works?
I'd go insane... there such BERKS!
They decompartmentalise everything they do..
And that... unfortunately honey.. includes you too...
Their brain switches off after they've had *** with you...
Where it goes? nobody knows?
But no longer focuses on you...
It shouts ..." I wanna sleep"
" l have a meeting later this week"
" l must get the car cleaned"
" watch the footie on the box"
" that girl in the office, now she's a little fox"!
Whilst you lay there in the afterglow
All tingly and sated...
He's thinking about the girl last week he dated!
I think we can say *** is very over rated!!...