Thus there is no longer the longing
For a meal that my body craves
For a feeling my soul desires
For a meaning my mind comprehends
There is no spoon to my mouth
There is no love to touch my heart
There is no word to fill my thoughts
An emptiness I have started
With a promise to leave all good things behind me
Wishing that I only live in suspension
In this time and place
Only to know the here and now
Without all things that grant sweetness
For there is no sustenance for my well being
On this boat I drift along and alone

Seated at the end
With a full plate
Of meal made ready
And without wait

Fork and knife
And glass of wine
To complement the meal
Prepared so fine

Small portion
Of center cut made
Away from the bodies
And where they laid

Not from death
Or violence wrought
But trappings of love
And passions sought

For they live still
Not without
A heart of theirs
And love they doubt

Missing the part
That one would share
Now a meal
Made so fair

With turned up collars
Coming in from the cold
All down to the cellar
Looking tired and old

At the table sitting
With steam rising from cups
Their circumstances fitting
Their missions in flux

They report their findings
While taking detailed notes
While secrecy is binding
While remaining in their coats

New tasks are issued
To discover the truth
With their nights continued
As they have from their youth

Tearing down the walls
Between the truth and lies
Waiting for the call
When the moment does arise

Leaning onto a wooden ledge
I have leapt from many times
With shoes placed firmly
Steadily on a brass rail
With empty stools and chairs
Surrounding me for a while
Money burning in my pockets  
As I wave for service, again
My indignities have been counted
Only to be given the same look
My hand steadies the glass
Only filled with a stench
My breath can only share
As I realize no more libations
Will be provided this night
I shake my head for a time
Never believing this moment
But smile with understanding
That enough is measured
By those who have plenty
Never by those who need
And lack the will to stop

It rang and sang
My ears begged for more
My mind tried to keep up
While I heard the roar

It moved and soothe
To words that sprung
As I moved my feet
To climb another rung

It shocked and rocked
My body to the core
It left me soaked
Like washing at the shore

It flew and grew
With air pushing out
The lyrics being screamed
Through the audience’s shouts

It lifted and gifted
My soul to the air
As I wet my lips
To sing, I would dare

Lying low in sleepy day place
With warm socks to comfort my toes
And blanket to keep me calm
As I nestle myself to cure my woes
For sandman stealthy skills are triumphant
As he is known as a journeyman
And I fall farther in my hopeful relief
To abide by his careful plan
In my slumber, I make no landing
For crow’s feet I am cradled
And held high and flown above
For this beast is both read and fabled
It lays my sorrow away as I fly
For joy’s sake is filled within me
It returns me once I smile fondly
To the place I am relieved to be
Thus, I am hopeful in my night throes
Of travels with my only good friend
That this lasts for all future’s sake
That there never becomes a willful end

If guilt and regret
are our executioners and the ax,
then our shame are the blocks
we brought along to rest our heads upon

Dreamt that if you miss your turn
You wander about
As if you are never truly awake

You will feel your ill
Yet always wonder why

You will feel tired
Yet never granted any sleep

You then just wait
Until your turn comes again

On our knees
For all to see
For shall not covet
One another

As we are free
Like all the seas
We do love
All of our brothers

But not to look
Inside a book
For your rules
We glide upon

Instead to read
What our hearts need
Only the tools
We have drawn

Once deep inside
It takes a prison break
Leaving heartache
And chaos in its wake

A citrus grove grown
On lands swelled from spring showers
Bringing blossoms forth
With such fragrant filled flowers
Such fruits sown, to head up north

My wings clipped to fit a cage
Yet I sing on this lonely stage
With sorrow for life is always long
While others hear my splendid song

She woke in the morning
Later than normal
Thankful for blankets
And wearing her thermal

Called for her husband
Listened for reply
Nothing is heard
And she let out a sigh

She left the bed
And down the hall
To the bathroom
Almost to fall

Ice she sees
From under the door
She pushed it open
Glistening floor

Careful to walk
She pulled back the curtain
In the bathtub frozen
Her husband, she was certain

Two can to be seen
With brightly plumes leap from trees
Soar on to warm breezes

I can confidently say
that I believe
to have been right
many times.

But more importantly,
I have been wrong as much.

I used to worry
and regret those moments.

I now make every effort
to embrace them.

I want to learn
as much as I can
about who I am.

I can only do so
by testing myself,
understanding my attributes and flaws,
then doing better.

It is not
what the world expects,
but the world
does not carry or care
of my burdens or rewards.

I go forth
with in trepidation
and anticipation.

All those who looked
For the courage to do
What was needed,
Let fear be your guide

Many seasons ago
Where I slid down
She winked my way
Like a faker would

Took hook and sinker
Then followed her
As she pulled me
By a fishing line

Into a white room
Feeling two hums
She spun me around
Falling into her

A red filled tub
That stained us both
Sent me to take
Into running long

Until this very day
She still remains
In my spotted skin
Like a memory

Sharing those spaces
That tongues only occupy
Like dancing in bed

The gray skies grew
As the drizzle begins
For what we knew
And our hearts felt
We sit still secretly
In our own places
For not expectedly
Filling empty spaces
With salty waters set
Our minds cannot wait
And our souls let
All of our emotions
Falling with the rain
To fill many oceans
And as it floods
There is no gain
Just as from drugs
The day does wane
Until we sleep again

Dreams are my enemy
Lying like alchemy
Promising hope and gold
While interrupting reality

On many hot days
Our thirsts are quenched by pink tongues
Upon ample flesh

Nothing is worse
than finding out
you were wrong,
except for when
you were right
all along.

Toppled off their feet
Does a slow motioned float come
Before arrival

Plucked from a low branch
From where a serpent had been
Ate from her open hand
To his mouth it all began
Married by first sin

Took my time to find
From searching her all over
Heard her hidden breath

No affection but affirmation
No bonded lust or romance, passions or infatuation, or youthful ecstasy;
yet offered compassion and sincere devotion
Once believed as self appointed guardian and champion,
by the will to serve at no one’s spoken bequest, faithfully and honorably
One bears loneliness for the space needed by another in respect
One accepts indignities in sacrifice to remembrance of the once character in adoration and trust
One appreciates the memories of cherished moments, no longer forthcoming, yet never fading to the past
One hopes for another day, knowing no future holds any offerings,
that care and companionship be granted blessings
Only wishing for gracious favors and hopes, and any forgiveness offered to an old misguided fool who was simply misunderstood

Intensity of pressure and fire
With elements screaming in pain
Only to explode so suddenly
Showering the darkness like rain

Skipping across icy comets
Bumping against rocky rings
Pieces of a fallen sun
Flying speedily without wings

Past one moon or another
Routes turned by planets
Dark matter repelling bits
Hopping around like rabbits

Finally caught by gravity
Towards a blue covered rock
Speeding through cloud cover
Breaking through with a shock

Slowing before arrival
From a marvel that had to die
Only to be found, finally
In the gleam of a little girl’s eye

Surrounding him one last time
Again, the center of attention
But like usual, not what he wanted
Just the way it happened to turn out

All stood under a sea of black umbrellas
As the rain fell, struck and rolled away
All in dark long coats, gloves and hats
We stood at attention, all in respect

He laid comfortably, yet a forever darkness
Seen him at the dignified and elegant wake
Without any family left, his friends all there
With many admirers that filled the parlor

He looked just as alive, as he has always
A living marker of his command of people
To bring together all sorts in the best ways
With his words of praise and polite conduct

Now, all those that knew or even heard
Of the great man that showed how to be
A gentleman skilled to bring us all in
One last time together in his company

I once gave my tongue
To a girl with silky lips
To keep forever

She rests on his chest
With hips meeting in one place
Stirring all the juices

Holding her so close
Molds ourselves into one soul
In the kiln of lust

While wanting to see
Her bare long legs shook slightly
Kept him from leaving

My milk filled her sea
As her hand held more of me,
Figuratively

A lobe between teeth
Gets nibbled by one wanting
More than just warm flesh

My fingers found her
Lying there so very still
Her moans asked for more

I still do not know  
how many times my heart would break
so deeply in my chest

For that feeling of failing,
is a lack of sleep too much
of a mind without rest

As I no longer wish
for a love to entice me more
by beauty or by lust

Only to finally leave me
spread upon the ashes and embers,
a soul left in dust

Years to come and go
I stay far beyond my longing age
alone in well done state

For no more sweet kisses
can bring forth such host from me
otherwise kept in tired wait

Finding that song again
The one that said so much
And says it over and over
Since we play it every day

Tasting the meal again
Prepared with care and skill
With favorite flavors
From each and every bite

Feeling the same again
When I am with you
Hold hands and staring
At those familiar eyes

Sleeping the night again
With legs entwined
And the certain warmth
Of your soft flesh

Dreaming sweetly again
Of all the certain things
That made sure I knew
Never to forget you

Passed along by mouth
A word to say I know you
More than anyone

Leaning all the way
Toes pointed and an arched back
Caught far in the sway
Offers herself as a snack
Sang sweetly that day

While I laugh quietly
At the stupidity of others,
I howl hysterically
At my own madness

Not a single word
Said while our tongues are dancing
To sounds of pleasure

As both are revived
Their eyes opened by lost love
That had just arrived

I am quite aware
of the prison I exist in,
and that my surroundings
may look bleak and desperate.
Yet, others may never see
the paradise that the darkness disguises,
as I dine in certainty.
I am touched both by angels and demons,
hearing their whispers and cries.
I suspect they dream of their destiny,
and likely that their past,
no matter how sweet,
are masked as nightmares.
This is the judgement we all bear,
just as we sentence others
so we can tolerate our own guilt and regret.

Slight space to look through
To see the outside world
By parting cloth curtains
A sliver of reality appears
In slippers and pajamas
Comforted by coffee cup
Sunlight seen only through glass
Bright birds dancing about
And squirrels absurdly playing
Looking at wet grass grow
So every so slowly
Noticing children’s laughter
Heard from all around
Not seen but certainly there
As if by hide and seek
The same hiding inside
But not for fun and joy
By lack of light imposing
A penance wished up
So no more pain and hurt
Can sneak up on him
To feed him lies and deceit

The same as the name
Add ten to four and two score
Is all and never more

Slide past the fabric
Towards warmth and abundance
Yet will trip once there

Fallen with a thud
And left for dead
It was easier that way
From what they said
With no supplies
Not a compass or map
Nor water or food
Not a single scrap
Only with will
And remaining dignity
It was time
To think differently
Shuddering with cold
By wet clothes
With passing time
One would have froze
Lifting to feet
Breath took deeply
Raising courage
From a place meekly
One step up
Was simply needed
To move forward
A purpose seeded

The moment it happens
Where one stands there still
Their body rigid and exacting
With the world unaware

Inside them a tempest raging
Spun skies split by strikes
Of flashes loudly announcing
Earth breaking under their feet

Neither their mouth or voice
Foretells of a soul screaming
Failing to keep together
A heart from tearing apart

Yet with tears of grief
One can only walk away
So no one would notice
A consuming loss therein

As slow as one could leave
So does the heart tumbles
A downfall far inside them
Forever seems a dark abyss

I do not hope for the moon and stars to notice my awe
I do not wish whether the oceans and seas consider my admiration
I do not aspire for gratitude from majestic mountains for my reverence
I do not prospect for the beauty of love and yearn for its care of me
Whether it be sweetness or lust, fondness or yearning, proposed or reciprocated
Whether I stand alone, solely with my hopes and dreams or graced in enchanted company
Whether my hands attempt offerings, or secure treasures deep within me
Whether rewarded for patience and effort, or only a gift fallen from the heavens
I do appreciate the chances, random yet destined
I do cherish the feelings and thoughts, flowing yet restful
I do enjoy the time, both eternal yet fleeting
I do welcome its permanence, both joyful and excruciating
It educates my soul and urges for my salvation
It holds eternal tenure in my dreams and memories
It leads me to conquer each day with immeasurable will
It lives and dies, both along and within me

‘I love you so much’

He said so sweetly
In an empty bedroom
With the door open
To a barren hallway
Of a vacant home

From a sole house
With no other nearby
Not a single soul
In the region all around

In an unpopulated country
Of an empty continent
On a deserted planet
From a desolate galaxy

‘I love you so much’

He said once again
To a picture in his hands
And with a tear in his eye
Lovingly all alone