drunken Rafe.
sitting alone, listening, wondering.
sitting, crying, praying.
inside slowly consuming my own dry mind.
dry from hate.
dry from wondering.
dry, my soul, endless alone.
crying inside.
crying never outside.
sitting crying evermore.
dark is my soul,
dark is my eyes,
dilated, open, alive
alive as mist,
covering, shrouding,
decaying, slowly inside,
rapidly as a thunderstorm spreads.
thundering as drums,
distant war drums.
painted faces.
hiding, rough, scared.
ready to bleed, ready to fall, the sound
of your voice asking me to bleed, to die,
to live.
life is all I know,
life is all I want,
life fulfilled by the idea of you.
you are life!
******* at who you are,
loving the same entity,
all of who you are.
dying inside, slowly, decaying.
rotting, crawling as it gnaws at my flesh,
inside out.
inside is what you have, of me
to my own personal dismay,
all of me,
just...
me...
trying not to fall
not to fall into you.
not to fall for this.
not to fall...just...not to fall...
not to fall to my own mind
my mind consumed,
my mind confused,
my mind to halter the physical...
difficult.
nothing has been more so,
difficult,
difficult to stay sensible,
to stay sane.
sanity, indifference, a struggle...
inside my own self...
stop this!!
stop wondering,
stop trying,
stop crying,
stop... just live...
live your ******* life.
live as if death has no grasp,
******* live,
it can not touch me...
I am not afraid...
I am not afraid of this...you...me...
i am afraid of myself...******* it up...
not love...not lust...just this...
this is it,
this is life...
just ******* pick me up, just ******* love me,
I am this tortured, loveless soul...
broken...
my soul conceived after the action...
conceived, my thoughts, so many,
fathomless, black hole deep...
gone...missing, wanting... weighs , wanting...
so very much wanting... I don't have what you,
want...
want me...
endlessly...
timelessly,
without, thought and regret,
don't regret me...
don't regret this,
eventhough I have no ******* clue.
just...lift me up, save me from my mind's shackles ...
break my chains, cut my hands off if need be.
slit my wrists rather than living like this,
not with steel, my mind cuts my flesh,
my mind cuts my soul.
my mind breaks me daily.
my mind consumes my empathy...
I envy you... I crave you,
you!!!
I know my mind, I know my heart, I know my soul,
I can't persue this...
calling me out on this,
making me self-conscious ,
making me weary ,
making me fret.
can you see...
anxious...
goosebumps crawling through my nerves,
fighting for my inner piece,
bleeding from cuts, not cuts you make, cuts I make, subliminal, hiding, not showing...
I hate... this...
I'm lying... I don't...
this completes me.
it completely fills me...
I don't hate you... I love you...
I love all of you...
every single word flowing from your lips, I love.
I love hating , feeling, showing, revealing,
revelation is what I have been waiting for.
to me, my soul,
my inconsistent, craving, slowly dying soul,
you set on fire...
burn every last inch,
burn every fiber,
burn it all to ashes, burn it all down.
stack it heaven high, burn it to the depths of hell...
all seven hells...
gluttony
lust
avarice/greed
pride, hubris
sorrow/despair/despondency
wrath
vainglory
sloth
free me from this hell,
free me from my soul,
free me from my pride,
free me,
free me please...
please I cry, I beg, don't make me grovel.
don't make me cry for you...
don't make me feel for you.
don't make me feel for you.
i can't handle it...
me... inside me... there is a storm...
a hurricane an earthquake, a metor shower...
falling, around me like broken spots of wanted rain.
dry, cracking, burning, shaving off of my skin,
sand, dry sand, burning, dessert heated up dry red sand... you are my marlin...
my uncatchable catch...
I have had it... I felt it... held it in my palms,
sweat dripping from my brow, content with what I had... what I felt, what I feel, what I know...
I know nothing... I know **** all...
I know me... not yet...but I do... as I need to,
as I feel to... as I lead myself to believe myself through this storm...
I hate all of this... all of my alone time, it kills, it slaughters my mind, I hate being alone, I love it so much... I **** myself, I enjoy killing myself with lonelyness, lonelyness completes me... you already are my lonely place... the corner I hide in... the place I search for when I want to be by myself...
I crave to be alone, you need not be close... just there, close by... an arms reach away from me... it carries me... it keeps me sane, alone enough to be content,
deprived of my conscience,
deprived of my sanity...
my sanity unreviewed even by myself...
my sanity playing on my lifes harp,
playing notes, octaves, pauses, right handed G - keys playing from A to me
playing notes just for me...
drunk, intoxicated, flying, I find myself, for me,
drunken, I find myself...
I have me!...
I found my soul, my heart, my life, I have found everything, everything I have searched for, everything I have longed for, every unfound milligram I have found,
me