from the sparkle on the hill
the enraptured child
-watching him

in this god forsaken
wild
still..

the silence of the devil
a howling
reflection

of the clouds and sky
take a little trip
just he and i..

i was aware somebody
was behind me
i tried to turn with
alacrity but found me-
a stick in mud
with a stick-there stood
a scarecrow alive!
i tried to run but
there was nowhere to
run -he was all-in-black
an unkempt man-
a desparate dan
with a bottle and a
majick wand-a mystical
one-
you know the type..
(but here was the real deal)
the only weakness i could see
was his surety  he had to
know but this unknowing
made him angry..so in the hush
he asked what i looked at with his
eyes
i shrugged and he looked but
in vain-(ha-they were not there..)
silently ,he looking and i considering
my plight tried not to look superior-
(difficult)..precarious, was a word i did nt
know..

hawkwind
wind and hawk
beauty

no melody
says bruce
win or lose..

excuse me-(it is quiet as
a sparrows ****..)is this true?
it is what i remember but
perhaps imagination
or perhaps i was healing after
seeing the road accident..
or maybe we are surrounded
by invisible spirits or energy-
i don´t know..what is true?
my mum went to school with you
is that true?no i just enjoy annoying
people-a lot of it about-shall i continue?
if you want..

and so i biked home not a worry. i kept it secret being a secretive child and looked forward with anticipation to my next excursion to the quarry. (when i said the most banal things i was disbelieved so there was little point in trying to relate my experience.)it was the summer holidays i believe and i went the following day or the one after and biked past a huge viking and onto the road to greater casselton or little castleton or whatever. and it seemed a dogs age before i sped past the awful place where i.  got hit-(fortunately he lived! )and looking for the hole in the fence which was easy to miss..
i thought about marking it but this would just draw attention and then others might disturb.so i pushed through the trees and the hill became sandy and i struggled to push my bike. but at last found the entrance and took up my place by the waters edge.
i would compare the reflection in the water and wait..sure enough
there was a repeat performance nothing differed. only this time something was flashing in my eyes and i looked around to find the source of this annoyance. i shielded my eyes and traced it to the aforementioned bush upon the hill.in hindsight it was a mirror or bottle but then i was perplexed. i thought about climbing the steep path to investigate but i was held by the sight and sound show. this time i thought i would carry out a little experiment.  the voices were aloud enough. but i edged forward into the deeper water and looked as if i would take a substantial step. having no intention what-so-ever!and the voices grew in volume that made me jump back.! so i then stood and considered the ramifications..so, this was an invitation..i wondered..and when i was back in my original position the voices returned to their original. (such is death i dunno..)
   their voices became so loving and i considered..after that they seemed to recede and i went away and came back the next day for a repeat performance. this time it was interrupted or had nt began i can t recall by another. i was aware that someone stood behind me.

i

seeking meaning through sorrows
we look in the wrong places
sit round the wrong corners

turn over the wrong stones
get the wrong ideas
wrong wrongs..

ii

that´s MY poem says monkey
it is about human folly
did nt take long..

kind of wrote itself..
a lack of belief
a rather sad song..

don´t think i will bother
again
pain comes from pain..

iii

tell us about your life
lily?
cheer us!
interest us!
rework an old memory-!
ok-
what about time and
what have you?-(**** on
that..)
well, i was about eight
or nine and would ride my bike
up and down dale-big-something-
little-something and one day my friend
ian  turns into the path of an over-
taking car and splats him on the windscreen
and on the bonnet and finally onto the road-
the wind had done it ..
or anyway, i would ride that
way there after..it took me to a hole in a fence
and through a wood to a quarry and that gate or gap
or lack of anything solid to a rise in terrain and a gentle
***** to the waters edge..i liked it here and i did not. once
some evil gathering settled not far away and i wondered in my
little head-how can this  be..but it was sandy and white and the
water perfectly reflected the sky..the water was only three inches deep and the lime or chalk was as white as can be. there was a small cliff not far away which it  was possible to traverse to the top where there was a bush. i wondered about exploring but even in this rash and exciting and curious place, i was cautious.so, i stood by the waters edge having armed myself with the longest stick in christendom for as to gauge depths. this of course was of the utmost importance. (you know, quicksand and tarzan etc..!)i should say it was perfectly silent and this was another strangeness-no birds sang and no breeze to sigh. just nothing.
  i pushed the stick as far as i could into the silt without releasing my grip and without falling forward. without losing a shoe. i shudder now to picture myself. how dangerous was this. i don´t know..but then after a while something strange occurred. i can´t remember how it began. i stood and wondered at this phenomena-
from out of the water came an apparition-like a film across a screen.
just a gossamer covering rising in the air.it did n´t get very high and was about fifty feet or less away.it held me transfixed! for from the air came voices singing! harmonies, i did not know this concept. but
that is what it was..mans voices and women´s voices sang..and here is a detail that i remember clearly. i listened to them and formulated distinctions and comparisons-(do u like young sheldon?!)between the men and women. I preferred the females. (was this blossoming sexuality?) but the longer i thought and listened and thought: they must be very beautiful!?the quieter became the male and stronger became the female..there were no words and it was more like a humming or a prolonged laaaaaaaa..(some comparison might be made with the scene in 2001 a space odyssey on the approach to saturn, is it..?can ´t remember,) . this sound was far more gentle and relaxing..i wonder if it was all in my mind because of the alacrity of their responses..i thought how beautiful the women must be and straight away their voices became dominant. how it ended i don´t recall. i just thought better be getting home and went away with many a wary glance over my shoulder i suppose...tbc..

lily takes a sip of water and turns the page-

i

phoebe said
kindness is cool-
but what does she
mean (by that..?)

ii

when you spill tea
on the desk
do not heap scorn
upon the cat..?

iii

do not blame others
for your faults
and wonder-lover
why you were born.?

iv

tolerate!
do not hate,
are not we all,
riders on the storm..?(the doors)

v

there is no conspiracy
against you!
your poetry is
lame..?

vi

who cares?
there are seven billion
of us-give up your seat
on a bus..?

vii

a sandwich too many?
tongue and jelly?
give a-way!
(without being assaulted..)

viii

phoebe said!
kindness is cool and
adopt a donkey
this yule..?

ix

what did jesus say?
he said the same
love-he
phoebe

x

and finally
you don´t have to be
a genius to see..
yes...monkey...?

shall i find consolation?
will i embrace the last one?
(after a life of preparation..)

will i return?
will my energy burn
and to the cosmic stream

will i become eternal-
loving-
a tree or rat or bird..?