he cannot understand her
he tries really hard
determined to succeed
but her soul just seems
to slip further away

I always thought
I knew who I was
but not being able
to leave the house
gives me the space
to discover myself

I am looking at it
but I do not
recognise it.

I am touching it
but its texture
is unknown to me.

I am smelling it
but its scent
is foreign to me.

I listen to it
but its sound
means nothing to me.

I talk to it
but realise
how foolish
that is.

what is holding me back
to leave the relationship
you have left long ago

You made me smile
And lifted my soul to heights
Previously unknown to me
You made me think the thought
I had not dared thinking before
Until I realised
That you only love men

be my valentine
he says with a smile
gives me a red rose
takes my hand
and begins to walk

I am surprised
but I do not resist
and walk happily
next to him
full of anticipation

I am sitting in the café
in the pretty old town
drinking violet tea

I am cheerful and smiling
because soon you will be here
drinking violet tea with me

from the safety of her home
she watches people passing by
and wonders whether
she should go out

observing people‘s behaviour
she painfully realises
that they are seemingly oblivious
to the dangers of the virus

so she sighs and decides to stay at home

Have you ever imagined
what it would be like
to walk with me
to the top of the volcano?
She asks and smiles.

When he looks at her
with burning desire
she quickly adds:
But it will not happen
because there are
no volcanoes
where we live.

It amazes me
how happiness
is slowly taking over
my soul

It makes me calm
and gives me strength
to wait
until our paths
will have finally crossed

She is sitting on the wooden bench
in the shadow of the mighty
Eucalyptus tree.

She appears calm and relaxed
with her eyes closed and
a smile on her lips.

Only when I look at her hands
I know that she is struggling to hide
her excitement and desires.

she sits
on the chair
exhausted
and wonders
if one day
she will have
the strength
and courage
to walk away
and leave him
behind

she talks
and talks
her voice
gets louder
and louder
her laughter
changes from
promising
to hysterical

I watch her
exhausting herself
not realising
that he longs
to be left alone

you are back
she says, smiles
and puts the kettle on
to make tea for him

he is confused
as he had not expected
such a welcome
having left her
nearly ten years ago

white
lie
why

why
can I not
follow through
on things
she asks

I remain
silent
hoping
somebody else
will know
the answer

Why did I spend the night with you
Against the advice of my inner voice

Why did I trust your narratives
Without even knowing you

Why did I think that you would give me comfort and love
When my heart begged me to be careful

There are no answers to such questions

she sits on the floor
crosslegged
trying to calm
her mind
as her thoughts
repeatedly return
to the window
a window
battered
by the storms of life - her life
a window
nearly closed
with the gap
slowly but steadily
getting narrower and narrower
soon it will be too narrow
for her soul
to slip through
into a better and happier world
all she needs to do
is to get up
and open the window

will she?

your words
hurt me more
than the blow
of your fist
I try to protect
myself
but I do not know
how

whatever
I attempt
is discredited

whenever
I try to help
I am pushed away

if whatever
I do
is wronged
why
am I still doing it

why do I
always attract
the wrong men
she wonders
initially they are
kind and understanding
but soon they become
impatient, inconsiderate
and hurtful
the same happens
again and again

sunflowers are yellow
tulips are yellow
daffodils are yellow
primulas are yellow
my scarf is yellow
but he hates yellow

Yellow is my favourite colour
she says
pointing to the yellow sofa.
It reminds me of the sun
and happy holidays in Italy.

I hate yellow
he responds
walking to the black sofa.
It reminds me of a cake
and unhappy times.

Sitting on the yellow sofa
she looks at him
sitting on the black sofa.
She knows she has to make a choice:
yellow or black.

I wanted to show you
The wooden pews of the
Sixteenth century church
But the gate was closed

I wanted to admire with you
The magic of the white minster
With its delicate carvings
But you had no sense for it

I wanted to watch with you
The river slowly passing by
And never being the same again
But you lost your patience

I knew then that I had to go

The birds are singing
The sky is blue
The sun is golden
When I am with you

I see
you smile
when you
talk to
your cat

I sense
your joy
when you
look into
her eyes

I feel
your love
when you
gently call
her name

I wonder
why I never
see you
talking to people
with so much
passion and joy

you can
do it
he demands

I can
do it
she responds

why do you
not do it
impatiently
he asks

I am not
encouraged
invitingly
she smiles

“you have not”
she looks at me surprised

“I have”
is my reply

“but you are just not the type of person
who writes poems”
she exclaims

I look at you.
You look at me.
I see your smile.
You my response

I do not speak.
Neither do you.
Yet we both know
Silence means trust.

eating the food
you have cooked for me
is a sensuous experience
I can smell a country
far away
with tastes foreign to me
and secrets and pleasures
to be explored

eating the food
you have cooked for me
soon becomes
a sensual experience
now I can smell
your scent
and taste your skin

I close my eyes
and eat slowly
very very slowly
savouring every bite
not wanting to miss
your secret pleasures

when you smile
I see the little girl
who was full of awe
about the wonders
of this world
had a sense of adventure
a believe that
anything was possible
and could be achieved
with lightness and joy
seeing you smile today
makes my soul dance
with happiness
as I can see
that despite  the challenges of life
the little girl has survived