A thought is mine
It has always been mine
But if you want it
Let me put it on the page for you
For you to hold
with those stain free hands
Letting my red, black, and blue bleed into the scars I could never know
But yet my inks still echo
What do they say?
My thoughts are yours
They will always be yours

I want to show you my heart, my whole heart
Don’t be shy it’s still beating so I’ll be fine take it
Take the part of me that’s been hurting for 7 years and counting
I’ve been counting on someone to understand my pain  
To understand the literal and physical hole in inside my chest, I need a doctor
So, please be the shrink to shrink this hole from my once whole heart, I need it
Knit and kneed your magic substances you’re so willing to give into my heart
The same you knew she needed seven years and counting
You knew about her previous pain of drug use
You knew insomnia leads to desperation
You knew that Xanax was easy to overdose on
You knew asphyxiation leads to many strokes
You knew ventilators can keep dead a person alive
I knew hugs are meaningless to a dead body but we still gave them to her anyway
I’m glad you’re locked up but I still want your professional opinion
Will squeezing my heart stop the pain from hole you made?
You’ve already squeezed the life out of one person so why not me?
Maybe it will stop me from bleeding affection into people that don’t love me
Maybe it will shrink my heart enough to close the gap that no one can fill
Maybe it will bring me one step closer to her embrace again
But that would be a waste wouldn’t it
It would waste of the sparkles she lit into my eyes, the strength she forged into my body, and the love she hugged into my heart
So, I’ll leave you with the blood she gave to me
I hope your oath lying hands burn from it and never forget the pain you left me
-A.P

Old street lights and snow seem to flow just right
The way they dance smooth and gentle that’s my type
I want every angle inside its light
Just like you that January night

It takes a moment to appreciate pure beauty
So why not write it down and make it forever
Forever lost within your falling dance
Forever entranced by your bright essence

I want to blush at your ice cold looks
and embrace you in my warmth
Melting away your outer layers
To find your distinct physical pattern

You see these new lights don’t catch my eye,
they’re too tall and dim while you’re bright at the tip of my fingers
If I simply curl them I can bring a current my way
Catching snowflakes has never been more sublime

Howling winds bring shivers down my spine
Your cool kiss freezes the pumping red wine
If you whispered go deeper in a cold exhale
My body might just break with one last inhale

However, these fiery thoughts in my head,
Keep my heart pumping and my lips red
So, god forgive me I won’t be dead
I’ll stay in heaven in this bed

Old street lights and snow seem to flow right
But day will always conquer the night
Before it ends please hold me tight
I need every angle in your pure white light
-A.P

They say I’m under the weather
So, it must be the wind pressing against each breath
Challenging my aptitude, and shortening my moments
Whether or not I forecast a change

Change is above the weather
Its aura commands the patterns of life
Blowing an old canvas anew everyday
Why should it hide from me?

Its promising jade twilight mocks me underneath the veil
Dwindling, the darkness approaches me in its absence
Howling winds begin to whisper past mistakes
Their deceit claw to the bone

Shredding and shredding to what could have been
Dreams are simply blown away for another time
Mother Nature’s vengeance is quite draining
If only the bags under my eyes told the whole story

Sameness somehow becomes a blessing
Its blanket of clouds is my only solitude for rest
Change is only a dream beyond my blanket
I will let it call and stay under the weather

Hi, my name is Alex and like the dropped phrases they are my words would like to greet you
I hope they treat you well because they often spell disaster for me
Just look and see d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r goes my alphabet soup
All cooped is Aster waiting waiting waiting at the door
Dis Aster can wait no more
It comes, “Dear I’m sorry, Aster, she tried everything…” “Really,
Does that sorry exist in all my wreathing sorrow?
Sorry, I spelled it on the page
-A.P

Speak those pleasant words to me
You mean
I mean
Speak about regrets speak about neglect
Speak about inconsistency
Insist to me that you want me
Lest you detest me
Well I detest thee for simply thinking
Your stupid self being ******* maybe horseshit you *******
Who even gives a **** you **** surrealist
This deliberate nonsensical, fourth wall penetrable, rule breaking hell of all
Is you
You blew your chance
Now, dance, dance, dance
At a glance it seems alright
Write those wrongs long gone
The ink stained on
Lest you forget
I bet you want me
A beautiful soliloquy
Well, stop staring at me answer me, answer me, ANSWER ME
I need you to feel me, carry me, believe in me
Can't you see the dotted line?
I want you
But that makes one of two
So, speak those pleasant words to me
I don’t want you
Oh you…
-A.P

A gentle sound touches my skin and flows through my body
Leaving a repeating subtle feeling the flows shhhh
My emotions flush and drain away with a shiver
Lost in the shine and shimmer of the sound that flows shhhh
Through the shutter of my eyes

Shamefully, I am not the same
Same is sharp and fresh
But same must be short lived
To show me, not same
So I will show my rust
-A.P