smoke pours and rises up and out of your lips,
and it feels as if you will never stop exhaling

red converse
brand the misfits
and hold us together-
a secret league
of time travelers,
wizards,
and detectives

red converse
hold us together
with white laces-
we are the
comic book readers
and ghost hunters;
we dance *alone

morning cigarettes
never will be enough to
ignite a lost soul

often, i let my mind wander off
unto thoughts of you, and your moustache
tickling me beneath the mistletoe-
smoke lingering, your fingertips ridden with ash,
and you kiss me and pull me in,
closer
closer
closer
until the miles distancing us
become nothing but a mere illusion

i imagine the scent of your pillow,
and the warmth of your blankets,
i am in a frenzy for your love
that will never dance across my skin
and tickle my sides,
with laughter and white lines
(healed, healed, healed)

you'd drift off to sleep,
and i'd lie awake and memorize
the exact locations of your freckles
and i'd trace your scars with shaking fingertips;
my aching legs would carry me,
to make toast
in the early hours of dawn,
to eat and wash down with water,
and keep it down, down, down
and let the numbers go

i'd drop every blade,
every bad habit,
as i walked to you,
even though i know
you'd never shame me

there are reasons behind the worry,
and tears behind these rivers,
but i'd walk three-thousand miles,
if only i could
             save
             you

You never expect your first kiss,
And you never forget your last.

Our first and last was the same-
You held me; I sat on your lap
On that movie theater seat
As a horror film played

I felt your touch,
And tasted your lips

But now all I taste
                            is
                            pain

I was young, once
I went out and I
Swam
The water coated me
And I felt free
But I grew up,
And grew fond in new liquids-
Codeine and Whiskey

I was drunk, once;
I stole my parent's liquor
And hid
In my closet
I felt brand new;
It wore off,
And I cut my wrists...
Again

I was scarred, once
(And I still am)-
From razorblades and bad boys
But it was never enough-
So I tried the sticky green,
And felt at peace
In my own smokey clouds;
I was dazed

I was high, once.
And then I met the queen-
She was an ******!
I shot her through my veins,
And she swam
And made me *****
And addict...
I went swimming,
            and I drowned.