My mouth is bleeding
And my knuckles hurt like hell

I am whispering under my breath
And punching the air

I touch my nose and flinch
That's gonna take awhile to heal

I've been waiting 3 years to see you
How does that make you feel

You should see the other guy
He got taken out by ambulance

I walked through those **** double doors
That place was called "Renegade 9"

You hit me straight in the nose
It sent a chill down my spine

There's blood running from my nose
I can feel it's warmth on my lips
I am dizzy

I didn't even know the guy but he looked like he could pack a good punch
So I started flirting with his girl

That got him real riled up
He was at least 150 pounds heavier than me

My head is pounding
My ears might bust
I think I should probably rest but my legs won't stop moving

I felt like Rocky Balboa
I felt like Muhammad Ali

I was the next world champion
Or the next accidental death at the bar down the street

I lived 50 miles away
I am walking home

I am smiling
I am running
This is my life
I am alive

if you think it is about you
it is probably not
I have a million and one
you missed your shot

Lackluster serenade
Pick me up and lay me into your abundance

I wish I may, I wish I might
For the moon to collapse and the stars to collide
Your hair is soft and silky
Like fresh cut grass in the summer of '97

11pm, sing me to sleep with your soft, sweet melodies

I am caught between a rock and a hard place
Yet I wish to be caught between your lips
Oh my, your soft, sweet lips

Do not mind me, I must have slipped
Do not remind me, give me no tips
This is a struggle, I do not fit

I am wrong and you are right
I wish I may, I wish I might

Cherries and wine, you are mine
Intoxicate me, you are so fine

Destroy me with your every grasp, take every one of my last breaths

"I never mattered, we never mattered
It all ends in death"

Said the wolf to the lamb
*"We all are next"

" All good things come to an end. "

Focus on the fact that good things end. Only good things end, right? The bad is seemingly endless, right? Baby, you could not be more wrong. Your cynical mind breaks my heart. You see, all things come to an end. Whether or not we exist to see the ending, the ending comes whether the life was deemed "good" or "bad." I beg you not fix your eyes on the ending of the good, but praise the idea of the bad failing to exist eternally. Now that you know, what is there left to fear? Our beautiful lives shall soon be taken, why must you drown yourself in your frightened thoughts? Darling, tell me what IS there to fear? Death? No, of course not. Do you fear hurting? Hurting others? Hurting yourself? What do you think we do? Every day we suffer for God's sake. We make others suffer, indirectly &, for the ill hearted, directly. Irrationality in and of itself is the idea of fearing something of which is inevitable. Live your life driven into a wall. Lay on the floor and mash your knuckles into your skull. Fear yourself. Fear the idea of missing out on the chance to love someone so deeply you could never breathe again. Drown in the idea of something beautiful. Why drench your flesh with regret when you have all the ability in the world to grasp whatever you want by the throat? Fearing the hurt is normal, but letting it stop you from living is inexcusable.  Regrettable. Fear is irrational. Fear exists only in the mind. Fear lives where you feed it. I dare you to let it eat you until you die. That way the end for you has taken place, and you will no longer worry for the things ending around you. We destroy one another, but I love the mess it makes. My blood mixed on the floor with the bile from your past. Look me in the eyes and confess to me what you are scared of. Get off your knees and keep walking. For the wind will continue to blow, but one day it will stop. It will be calm and you will feel light. You will be happy, but you will realize there is something missing. You look around at the placid scene, what could possibly be missing? I am all alone.

I do not fear the hurt. I invite the hurt into me. I let it fester in my bones. I let it run through my veins, and just as easy as it comes, I release it again into the world. The hurt is what makes me. I will never sacrifice an opportunity solely because of the hurt. I want to live, and I want to Feel your lips against mine. I beg for the winds to blow into me while the sun shines on my face and I will find myself in the same serene scene, but the difference is

I will not be alone.

I am the sounding of your alarm
and the ringing of your bells

I am worth it, I am divine

I am the current that sweeps you away and the breeze that fills your mind

The sunlight casts a shadow on all of your wrongdoing; you are the most beautiful black sin

Forgive me not for my slumber, wake me not when you find me

Fill me with your benevolence, nurture me on your Earth
The surface is slick and clean, and I am the dirtiest of the sea

Forgive me not for my sins, I will be washed away in the end

I see you while you eat
I see you while you sleep
I will see you in every single one of your dreams

This life is a labyrinth for those of you who wish to be
What a shame it is to believe
I am every little thing you live, I am every little thing you breathe

I will be there when your curtain drops
I will be the only one you see

"Good morning sun, you are shining awfully bright today
Hello sunflower, you are looking breathtaking this morning
How are you, bonsai? You are looking so strong and sturdy!"

The sun sweeps over the hills and I sit for a moment and realize I have forgotten something

"Oh heavens, I have forgotten you"

"My dear rose, my sweet stone.
My muse and my flame.
I am so sorry I have forgotten you.
You are looking beautiful as ever this morning."

My eyes start to wash over with emotions I thought I had long forgotten

"My rose, my lovely blossom, you are shining like sequence on this lovely day."

I pace three or four times, I don't remember, maybe five

Hello sunset, you are so bright
Hello future, you are so light
Goodbye past, you are so hazy
Hello self, you are long gone

It has been three months, maybe four, I don't remember

"Father, happy birthday, we love you!
Mother is looking down on you and she is smiling so bright!"

"Hello, thank you.. Who are you?"

"Rose, there is someone here for us."

"Father, it's me, your son. I'm your son. I'm here to celebrate your birthday! D.. Don't you remember?"

"Rose, hurry, you don't want this young man to drink cold tea now, do you?"

With tears in my eyes I am viewing all of this through a kaleidoscope of forgetfulness I thought I would never have to remember

I remember hospital beds and sleepy eyelids just wishing to rest for a few minutes

A daughter lights a candle for her father and he immediately remembers the fire he saw

He screams and shouts as she is crying

"Father, father, please stop!
Everything is okay!
Everything will be okay!
We are okay!"*

If memory serves right, the sun is only as bright as I want it to be
I don't remember the last time I remembered
I am merely a helpless seed lost in the wind of this storm
and I cannot find my way back home

Now that I think about it, I don't even remember what home is

Fill every crack in my body with cement and wine
Sober me up with stale breath and cold finger tips

Sting my skin with the fire of your words
Make my insides spin when I think of our last moment together

I am breathless but yet full of energy
I am running but my feet haven't left the ground
I am spinning without becoming dizzy
I am without reason
Something you always taught me

Take my silence and turn it into a poem
Something that can be spoken to the heavens
Of higher power to be spewed upon them in a way that is inhumanly
I'll see you at the viewing
I'll be in black
You'll be in your best dress

It was so brief
Not even my eyes could've have caught it
Once there now gone

I am vain
I am emotional
I am king

I feel every morsel of my body tense up
I'm looking at your headstone
Counting the bouquets of dead flowers

You were my rain and shine
You were divine

I am the sign
Saying you're going the wrong way
Turn back now

I am crippled from the thought
I have a headache and this room feels smoky
There's strangers in every dark corner
You always told me not to be in these situations

You disappeared and I fell into the darkness
I am painless I am stainless
Many have tried painting there words into my skin but it's all melted away shortly after

The only thing that ever stayed with me was something you branded into my arm last summer

"I love you. I miss you"

what the hell is wrong with me
What have I become
IM NOT READY ?
Seriously ...
I blame this on a curse
On a love that is burning
On a what if
Two years ____
You've given two years
You waited
You waisted
She's not coming back
How'd it feel
Show empathy
Show empathy
Show empathy
You've been there
Why am I doing this to another soul
You've been there
Not in tears, but In a ****** knuckle stoop,
Of rage, and pain, and lies
OH THE LIES
she didn't lie to you
But you to her


You were, was, are the best thing that has ever happens to me.
Two years is a blink of an eye

I love you like a classic car.
I admire your smell and beauty
Your sound and movement
But I can only love from afar

NO! **** THAT

You are mine
You are mine
I will wait for the day we align
I will wait for the day we are porch kids
For the day we are porch parents
For the day we are porch grand parents

So for eternity we will share
Coffee and laughs
Cigarettes and tears
Tender love and passionate fights

                     Till the day
                            We will have
                                        Eternity .....

waking up is hard
it's the hardest thing I do
I hate waking up
almost as much as I hate myself

if I were happy kr wouldn't be so hard
if I could face myself it wouldn't hurt so bad

do you ever wonder what it's like to hate every single part of your being?
well I don't have to wonder
I know what it's like

and it's ******* hell

my words are punches to my gut
my thoughts slice my skin
the images in my mind burn holes in my flesh
I cannot breathe

I'm sobbing I'm inconsolable
don't ******* tell me I look pretty
don't ******* tell me I look hot

how could I ever believe your words when mine are telling me different
I find comfort in them, they are constant
does that make me insane?

I don't love myself
and I know they tell me I should

"how can anyone love you if you don't love yourself?"
how the **** am I supposed to know?
i am and endless flow of love towards others but why is it so hard for me to love me

maybe it's because I'm suicidal
maybe it's because I'm images are forever tainted by the fire I have stumbled through
my finger tips are singed and my hair smells like your ******* cigarette smoke

I want to die

every second of every day i would rather be dead

I'm laughing

but I mean it

I'd rather hurt than anyone else, but there's so much hurt in me I can hardly stand anymore

I want to smash my ******* skull into a wall

I want to let my bones shatter and my body go limp

I am submissive anyways

I ******* **** anyways

I don't want your ******* pity or your ******* "no don't say that!!!"
*******

you don't know what it's like to be me

it's a ******* nightmare

try waking up and being SO UPSET that you are who you are

I have to force myself to leave my home

I am at war
a constant battle with seemingly no end

I am tired
how much longer must I fight?

my fingers are slipping my hands are tired my arms are numb

I'm falling now

do not catch me

I want to hit the ******* ground