holding hands
we walk down an empty dirt road
I notice your pale green eyes staring back at me
we stop to shoot the breeze with the blue jays
who built their nests out of broken children toys
I laughed about how the jack-in-the-boxes have twisted smiles
we walk until the road curved into a street
with your eyes closed
I kissed your cheek
you blushed and laughed and teased my lips
we walked down to the creek
you found a flat purple stone shimmering in the sun
you skipped it along the calm blue water
I caught a fish
but he was too big for me to carry
I let him go
he said *thank you

I held my hand up towards the wind
the birds danced around each finger tip
singing their songs
like tears and shivers
it crumbles all around me
my heart turns gray
lingered on your beautiful music
I was the thundercloud
drifting through rain
feeding myself by the handfuls
I was at the corner of you
standing in the middle
when the world came to a stop
I screamed out to you
wishing you would say anything to me

you came slithering in my room
dressed in mysterious shapes

finding dark corners to play in
whispering magical thoughts of illusion

you shake the soft spot of my foundation

I fallowed you down by the lake
where you show me that the water is really green

you caught an odd colored fish
and ripped the meat from its bones

you showed me it was nothing but the skeleton of my dead grandma
lost upon my last fading memory

in the woods we found messages carved into trees

they have been blackened by the souls of dead lovers
hard to read
we try to decode their passion

what destruction lies behind beauty's door?
so mysterious that they were forgotten before ever written

we walked upon these empty roads for days
losing all signs of amity

you stopped where the hills ended and said:
love is a perilous journey of all sun and no rain
when rainbows are destruction to sad faces
how can I ever find happiness?

she kissed my lips then said:
my kisses are like land mines

tick, tick, tick, your heart stops.

my shaking bones fell to the floor
as I watched her vanish into the thick mist

I came upon a bare oak tree
still chard from its last message
I chipped away the ashes and carved
*happiness is only the beginning

a man walked up to me the other night on the bus
he came up to me and said "love is a triangle."
we may dance in circles
but we fit like triangles
and we see through rectangles
ever watching through are built in TV's called eyes
and these eyes have seen many things
but never before have they seen a thing like girls
and they may look through rectangles
but they see diamonds
forever wanting what they never got
always dreaming of something better
but I know my eyes
they look through arrows
forever trying to fine true love
but this man standing in front of me saying
love is a triangle
and as humans we are half's
half's without wholes
and as we try to lines the pieces up just right
he tells me
humans are half's but two half's don't make a triangle
what makes a triangle?
as I walked upon these broken streets
I think of a girl sleeping soundly in her bed
tossing and turning to the rhythm of nightmares
I stand gazing into the darkness
past the trees and stars
with my eyes shut tight
I feel as if I walk a fine line between death and insanity
is everyday just one step closer to death?
with my road twisting with mistakes
like she twists in and out of books
looking for answer to her unwritten question
not knowing weather her life curves unto the sea
or drown's in the wake of the ocean
and me just a man watching body's float down a stream
seeing the water before me
only seeing what they tolled me to see
what they told me water was before I ever had a mind
like my father before me and his father and his
so, is it all just a lie?
is water really water?
what is pain?
and why dose it hurt?
is the sky really blue?
what makes blue, blue, anyway?

Love has marked the scars i've born
And from this light that we are torn
Shields a love that can't be found
As ashes lightly touch the ground

Angles sing in fields of glory
Close the book and **** the story
Like ***** fingers across my face
She is the thing I can't misplace

I squander this ability
To shape my own stability
Conscious of my fleeting time here
Only to tell you one thing my dear

Love is wasted on the youth
I only want you to know the truth
When your revelation has been found
You will fined me under the ground

a cloud of smoke fills the air in a patio filled with laughter
friends circle round as we being to **** the dark green grass
fire rise up as he inhales the smoke from the long glass stem
he holds it in until his lungs collapse
then spews it from his mouth like a dragon breathing fire

a long pause fills the air until his lips form a grin
and we knew that his experience would being
he screams out laughter like a hyena breathing nitrous oxide
his eyes shift back and forth as he barley holds himself
he stops with total control
**** he says

I could feel all eyes staring me down as I look down at this magic bottle
a bottle that will send me past reality
that will push the envelope of my mind's customary perception
and show me things that I couldn't even dream of
far past my imagination
I inhale

my vision shook
and my fingers twisted
I began to sink into chair that I sat in
I could feel waves
waves coursing thought my entire body
and I felt jiggly like jello

I burst into the sky
flying through the inner tubes that hung their motionlessly
I felt the scratches of rubber
and still heard the laughter of children
but they were no where to be found

some how I ended up in my chair
still sitting there
with a river of drool hanging from my gaping jaw

the sky began to sway back and forth
like waves in the ocean
I reached for the sky saying I want to swim in the ocean
the harder I tried the more it pulled me away
until the ocean disappeared
and I was left sitting there
next to my friend saying

*pass me the pipe

my backyard smelled like fresh cut grass
on my porch was a beehive
it buzzed as bright as yellow sun
but my father was god and he took care of us
in the front was a tree
where we played games of baseball cards and hide 'n' seek
down by the lake was a man
this man was named summer
he wore on his sleeve a grinning shadow of new day sunshine
as girls in pretty pink sweaters
dance on the edge of his finder tips
he would spin us tales from his days since past
I cut myself on roses I picked for the girl next door
my red smeared palms dripped raspberry colored droplets
upon pearl white bathroom floors
cleaned up before mother noticed the stains
open window breezes breath ghosts across sweaty upper lips
and in the streets
people with dilated eyes
stare down the changing colors of spring
and here I am ten years later
still amazed about how we once played like dinosaurs
in the light I saw her
waring a summer dress of blisters
lucidly daydreaming of dusk
she dances on orange bathed hilltops
with her lover of a thousand broken hymns
singing ring around the rosy to the people of crumbling ashes
and hidden behind smiles are razor sharp teeth
still waiting to find me there
but here we are still in spring
and the flowers have yet to bloom

people do this
they lie and steal
they bleed and feel
they destroy and create
they love and hate

people do this
they cheat and deceive
they loose and grieve
they are martyrs and dreamers
they are believers and schemers

people do this
they look at the stars and wonder
who made the sky?
and who made the ocean?
who made me?
and who made you?

people do this
and even though these people hurt you
you're still alive
and you're going to meet people as alive as you are
people who are alive as children when they cry
and people who are still asking themselves
why are we here?
where do we go when we die?
will humans ever fly?
like birds migrating to warm locations and sunny skies

people do this
they look for god in a book
and some see what others overlook
their hearts all pump and push
and sweat drips form their lips when they are hot

and when someone throws a rock in your ocean
don't be discouraged
even if the waves seem like hurricanes
and you feel there is no hope
and the feeling of them stopping seems like a lifetime

all waves settle
and you will feel as calm as an infant cradled in your mother's arm's
wrapped in your blanket of solitude
shielded from this world
peacefully dreaming your endless thoughts of happiness, new lovers, and warm foods

people do this
they can be ignorant and selfish
and never see anyone past there own existence
but we are all people
we are all the same
and even though we all have our differences
we still have one body, one mind, one heart, and one soul
and we all deserve a second chance

new lovers meet underneath the glaze of stars
the moon shines reflections in pools of sorrow
swimmers swim in the paint of fresh canvasses
drawing their imaginations through still fruit
seeds make fruit like humans make baby's
always afraid that one day we'll be eaten
but one day we will fly on our own
dropping feathers everywhere we go
leaving behind memories unforgotten
we are the finger prints on the murderer's axe
gone but traces of us are still left behind
never speaking but always thinking
never wanting but always getting
the painful scars of remembering
these scorch marks on my back are seared deep
like the raw welts upon my heart
every pump is another explosion of life
this life is a dark silhouette of a man
standing in the shadow of god
unable to find my way out of the garden
arms stretched out looking for any sign of life
I ran my fingers against unseen thorns
my bleeding hands are like strawberries
I remember a time when we once caught spiders
let them go and stomped them into the dirt
ran back to the house and played with my father's gun
I was six years old
we didn't know what death meant
to little to understand these complex feelings
my best friend cried when his cat left
I have never felt death
not my whole life
even when she broke my heart
I felt like I could never carry this world with out her
my spine would crumble underneath the weight
I wasn't a doctor so I couldn't heal it
there are somethings in this world that duck tape can't fix
I thought that night my heart would give
but I was far from death
far from ever knowing what it means to die

feel the push and pull of the river and tides
feel the waves crash against your skull
but be careful for the angle aside
just remember that shes just an illusion

blood flows like an over flowing river
with cut up fingers and scattered memories
hard to distinguish dreams from reality
hear the echo of a screaming blade
it cuts the wings like a devils smile
disarmed and hopeless

falling towards the river like a fallen angle
juxtaposed against the whistling wind

shes the savior of a worthless human
found the light again beneath the stone
hard as rock with a freezing inside
bury the demons underneath your breath

shes the one who'll help you reach your halo
pull it down and tie it 'round your neck

don't believe the whispered lies she tells you
its the only way to get you off the ground
lick the fire before she burns the forest
or you'll never find your way back home
tell yourself that shes only human
before she eats away your last bit of stone

the blood flows like an over flowing river
but remember, it's only a cut

it's only a cut

I drew you a portrait of my heart
I put it in your back pocket without you knowing
one night you found it while you cried yourself to sleep
you didn't know what to do with it so you framed it but that didn't work
you tried singing to it but that didn't work
you put that heart on a cutting board
the knife of your love cut it into small bite size pieces
you seasoned it with fresh ground angst
then swallowed it whole
my love tasted like strawberries
my seeds grew gardens in your stomach
the wild flowers grew rapidly
pushing themselves out your mouth
covering you in the dark purple flowers
you dug yourself into the earth
with our seeds we grew a tree taller than any tree in the forest
we swayed soundly against the breeze
our leaves kissed clouds
birds sat upon our tree branches
singing songs like angels
pecking their notes across our bark
our limbs grew fruit and they fell to the floor
their seeds planted themselves into the earth and grew into twigs
we caught the spiders that tried to build their webs upon them
until the love birds carried them away
then we let our rings twist into our core
a man with black silk robes came to the forest
he cut us down with his icy cold fingers
dragged us through the fields of sorrow
tossed us in a wood chipper
then grounded us into paper
that paper was sold to a mother
that mother gave that paper to her son
the son met a girl with the most prettiest name
they walked through forests that they didn't understand
picking the purple flowers that grew there
he wanted to show her how much he cared about her
so he drew her a picture of his heart

I sat in the damp grass underneath the full moon
looking up at the stars wondering how small we must be to the atoms in my fingernail
then the spiders awoke from their long sleep and began to glow blue
the sight was unbelievable like the falling of the first snow
the glow from the spiders lit up the night floor like the moon lights the sky
I crawled next to the spiders and scooped one up in my hands
Hello little spider, what's your name? - Boris.
Boris, I like that. Say little spider, can I ask you something? - Sure
Why do you glow? - We all glow, not just us spiders
but we spiders know how to show it
we make webs like painters, paint, paintings
we eat flies so we don't die like you eat cows to become fat
we love like you only we die because we only need one pure moment of love to be happy
then we are eaten, so that our children can be fed, so that they can live a better life then the one that I had
I sacrifice myself for my children
we glow because we want to show the world we are beautiful, not monsters.
Boris, we don't glow because we are the monsters
we paint these paintings because someone else has already painted them
and we feed off the cows because we want food we don't need
we use people for love because we only want a little thing I like to call ***
you **** for a cause, we **** for the enjoyment and the pleasure
we're the monsters, Boris, not you
and this world, Boris, I'm still trying to understand
trying to figure out why this world spits on you for trying
why every time we learn something new we have to better than everyone else
because in are minds we are programmed to feel that being better then other people is cool
and that being better looking will get you more women
and being better at guitar will get you more money
Boris, we are creatures who squander our ability because the media is looking for the next big thing
we play songs that other people have written and say that we have talent
but even you can see, Boris, that we take life for granted
and I believe that a child's drawing is better then any artist
because at least it's creative and not diluted by what the media calls cool
and their minds are pure and free and not concerned about what's cool
because they're to **** concerned about the colors of crayons
and their egos are not measured by the tears they shed
Boris, I'm still trying to slow this world down
and not forget what it means to be a person
to be free and let my fingers rest upon the girl I don't want to leave behind
so I can have her for just a little bit longer
but I must be going Boris for the hour is getting late
and when I lay my head upon the tired hands of dawn
I shall look for my glow in the morning
*Goodnight

we lay like dirt
sitting peacefully under the dark night that sits heavy upon us
where the last star shines for you
we sat until our souls grew grass
and the hungry bugs came to feed upon our dead leaves
then our blood bleeds black unto the rivers
our grounds grew moons
which we climbed upon
reaching high into the sky
then plummeting into our oceans of blood
covering our body's in the darkness
feeling all the things of being alive
washing away all the bad memories that linger in our minds
waiting for only one scream to show everyone we have fears
and fingers open up my chest like a book
shaking the black beads of water from my skin
reading me like you read the bible
with my last passage saying
God is an angry child
I wiped the last drop of black from your face
staring deep into eyes that have made me dream since the moment I saw them
dreaming up wild conclusions of the end of the world
then the rain pored upon our heavy breathing chests
I touched your cheek
your face was icy cold from the cool wetness of the air
and the rain washed over us
discarding from us all our confusion
letting the feeling of discomfort wash down the empty streets
where we once walked upon writing are memoirs
and standing there after I burst into a flaming pyre of remembrance
I held your head upon my hand
trembling at your vary beauty
not knowing weather to stand or to kiss your lips
with my mouth opening and closing
opening and closing
until the darkness of the sky and coldness of the air began to snow
snowing like it would never stop until we've met
until I grew so tired of bugs that I scooped them up in a jar
and the crows that perched themselves upon the fence
swooped down and swallowed the whole jar
flying back into the night
we made snow angels that took hold of their shape
and blazed right into the sky
snatching up the crows
covering them whole until they burst into cylinders
then fluttered down like ashes
melting away all the snow
all the pieces of our souls were placed back into the earth
exposing the nights street
where mine and your lips finally touch

you are the one that I can hide inside of
you're the only place I know where I can get away from this world
and you shield me from the nightmares that are enclosed in it
the ghost of your heart lies soundly in my belly
and every time I look in your eyes it hatches into butterflies
then lines my belly with silver

when I touch your skin your body shivers
I rest my head upon your shoulders
whispering into your ears, gently singing love songs
in the midst of your eyes I feel small
but I feel as if I could touch the moon
but I cannot touch upon of who you've loved before me

or if you even love me at all

for I have never told you
your skin is as soft as a rose and your heart glows
glows inside the darkness of my mind

I don't know of any other place to go
for your life has purified me
and I'm still trying to find my way back home

because I cannot hide inside you anymore

come into this
breath the night
hold me close
your static bones give me electric shivers
my spine kisses you back
hold me close
come into this

the thunder cried sadness
over the walls it echos
moved across the sky never to be seen
you are here with me
hold me close, come closer
come into this

lights painted the room
you dug yourself deep into the cavity where my heart was
you would have stayed there until morning
but my cat let you in
the light patter of rain enclosed our body's
it sang you to sleep with its lullaby
you held me close
we didn't see the stars but we felt them
looking down
holding us close
we walked into this
breathed its night
we are the thunderstorms
and nothing can hurt us
you held me close

I awoke in the morning
found drops of water scattered across my window
they filled with dawn
shot a rainbow across my chest
I looked towards you
you smiled back towards me

we sat on a bench next to an old couple
who's probably been in love forever
we walked in the grass
next to people walking dogs and little kids catching frogs
and I felt just like those kids

I felt innocent and vulnerable and I didn't care about anything
and those butterflies could have carried me for miles

I looked at her eyes
I looked at her shoes
I looked at her lips
I felt all the blues

I wanted to grab her sides but I didn't
I wanted to hold her close but I didn't
I wanted to tell her I love her but I didn't
I wanted to show her how I felt but I didn't

we laid in the grass with the wind blowing past
through the trees and past our knees
and I knew this wouldn't last
we listened to music with the sun shinning just right
I can still remember that window of light
and still to this day if I hear the right tune
I sit and pray and hope for the moon

but I don't want to think here alone in the dark
for too long I've been here, for too long I've stayed
for too long I've sat here and always played

played the songs that no one will hear
wrote the letters that no one will read
wrote the poems of my imagination
because through these words my heart does bleed
bleeds and breaths
and all I wanted was to show the world

because we all want are imaginations to be real
and feel the things that we wanna feel
and believe that are dreams could come true
and show the world that we feel more than we show
it's true in me and it's true in you

now I see her with a whole new life
and every time I do my heart corrodes
every time I do my heart explodes
I can't look at these eyes anymore
but when I do I drop to the floor
and only in my brain is where I see myself
going insane
removing from the plain

the plain of myself
and the plain of my soul
but I remember back and my life was not dull

so I say
thank you for the time
thank you for the rhyme
thank you for showing me that this world is still wonderful
and everyday is a gift
and everyday is another day that I can say

*I was there *******... I was there

in the fields I hear music
the night holds within me something deep
as if I've forgotten how to smile
sometimes my back hurts
the sun rests on my shoulder
some day's he's too big for me to carry
other times the days feel small
and flat like a quarter
tossed into the air
we leave bad and good days to chance
in better days
I've kissed pretty girls under neighborhood bridges
the amber sun at dusk
is even more beautiful glistening off the trees in the shade
walking by the apple trees
we eat their fruit
god hums to himself loudly
my hands clinched tight
he looks down on us
so confused
our fistfuls of rage
we sing in key with them
in the fields we hear that music playing
and still to this day
it leaves us speechless

he stairs into the soul of the creature that stands before him
he listens to the quite whispers but hears the screams of angels
he looks into the ***** of the goddess, far past the chest, into the heart
he sees the light of sunshine, the warmth he knew but was never shown

he waits for the right moment of light where he can see the shine of her eyes
he loves that everyday is a gift just to spend ten minuets with her
he believes that one day this goddess will set him free from the prison of his mind
he longs to touch the skin that taunts his wondering eye

he dreams of one day showing the world just how much he loves her
he holds the peaceful beauty that rest's her forehead upon his lips
he feels the gentle rhythm of the heart beating against the chest
he knows how much that heart pumps for the one that she dreams about

he accepts the fact that she harbors love for someone else
he understands that he was there before he knew beauty's name
he lets go of the one that he holds so dear to his heart
he closes his eyes and nods off into a world where she and him live happily ever after

this world burns like fire
it burns memories deep into your veins
making everyday harder and harder to forget
that we once loved somebody
but they turned away
they left us like the sun at dusk
bring with them the night because we all slept in
and when you open your eyes I hope you look
stair long and hard at the monsters before you
see the father who wants to **** the daughter
see the *****'s next **** victim
see this world burn
and its last extinguisher has ran out
I would speak up but these days I'm forgetting how to talk
forgetting what it means to even be human
but always reminded of what I need to be
and as I look upon these charcoal black hands
I notice pieces of me peeling away
exposing my flesh and bones
until nothing is left but what I was when I was born
placed into these shoes
to burn with the rest of the world

this window is a television
its rain drops tell me stories
like the time we spend all day inside hiding from the clouds
finding the truth in magic on my bed
this window is a television
changing channels with every moving house
the sun came out to blind my way
making the rain drops open doors to locked places
trying hard to forget
looking for peace within my music
I digest these beats like fresh milk
making my bones stronger
so they don't shattered and break at the hands of these memories
I find myself not being able to control the way your hair looks in this light
the way we stood there and held each other
until I had consumed all the sadness that you had bottled
then you left me there drunk with pain
stumbling back home
I see my heart like broken glass laying on the ground staring back at me
these shards hold deep memories of your skin
I watched it crumble to dust and float away in the breeze
this window is a television
these rain drops glistening from the sun
reminds me of the mornings in December
I wonder if anyone else understands its beauty

a world made of dreams
and only to those it seems
overwhelming

a child crys, an infant dies
and we only care about
celebrities

blond hair and blue eyes
makes a perfect messenger of lies
for those who see the ties

connected at the heart
but we are man so we tare apart
all the ties that bind

divide and conquer like Neopolitan
separate and three
black, white, and strawbarry

confusing is the world and all that live
understand we can't, trust we do

make a hole in the pit of your soul
then show the world what it can do

seen many things I have not
been many places I have not
so many things ahead of me

and as I watch myself slowly kneel
I say *life is a gift for the sadness I feel

today I met the devil
we had a cup of tea in the garden of mysterious shadows
he showed me the world through the visions of dead flowers
I watched as the sun killed the last ******
then buried him in the cold soil
his bones rose out from the ashes of hate
laid down beneath the sliver lining
and sang his daughter to sleep
I wounder what it truly means to love someone
to see your little sister tired
and carry her up stairs to bed
only to fine that she'll still love you in the morning
this world turns circles in my stomach
I'm so dizzy that I can't even stand on two feet
hate is the next morning when all you get are dry heaves
and this world is full of alcoholics
I stopped to take a look at whats buried underneath this house
what foundation holds up the four corners of my life
and see what I truly stand for
but the answers are as twisted as my smile

my tears are not gods
they're not gallons or buckets
but just a few kept in a vile labeled with your name
my tears are not measured by pain
but happiness
you give this black shrouded existence reason
in photos we are juxtaposed
our faces fit like puzzle pieces
your vary beauty blinds me
white lights stretched across patterns of blue and gold
your skin is like soft flower petals
lightly caressing my forearm
I tremble so hard it gives me heart palpitations
your eyes are as intense as fire
you burn the hair from my flesh
leaving me naked and fearless
standing in your wake
you engulf me like the ocean
in your shadow I can not breath
I feel as if I'm washed up on an island
you picked me up and held me
crying like children in my arms
I pushed back the hair from your eyes
and told you:
*I will always be here for you

you smelt like pears
your eyes were rivers

your soul was the moon
watching over the night
we breath in and take shelter

I walked into the fields
found a moon shaped rock
and carved you a heart
you wore it round your neck like a diamond

breathing only the air
we laid on soft oblong shaped couches

you laid on me
our hearts beat like drums

I kissed your neck
you taste like peaches