Turn Off The Lights

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

I still wonder how you can love me
When I cannot love myself
And everyday I pray I'll find a way to see
What you see in me
And everyday I pray I'll find a way to see
What I do to make you happy

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Smile

In the space of two hours the Earth rotated
The moon moved from one side of my window to the other
Yet I am still waiting for you to come to me.
If planets can still move,
If the sun still shines somewhere
If people love and if glass breaks
If she stares at me and realizes I am dying
If I still write and write and write until my mind is empty
If I hear people around me
If laughter is part of someone's routine
If you go out and feel the air around you
If you close your eyes and darkness surrounds you
If the world goes round and the day rises
If it rains and the tears melt on my face
If I can still stand up and walk away
Leaving my heart on the sidewalk
Where you punched me in the gut
Said
I'm sorry
Meant
I need you to never call me again
If I can walk away from the ****** scene
And not collapse
Or drown in my tears
Then perhaps I can still smile
And wave you goodbye
As you walk away.

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

Satan's last name is Jealousy

Jealousy is a terrible feeling.
Worse than love, it creeps into your mind all the time, poisoning your every thought.
The aching feel of guilt, but worst than that, the feeling of accomplishement when you **** up the life of someone you hate.
It’s a terrible feeling.
All for the name of Jealousy, that evil God who decides for you who to be jealous of, who to hate.
He does not care about empathy.
He does not care about anything.
He is Satan’s minister, and evil is his work of art.
His obssession.
I am the canvas on which he paints Red.

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

In a sentence

I am no longer lost
(But I am not found)

If you find me, please let me know

Turn Off The Lights Oct 2014

How to die (or killing me silently)

I am twenty years old and I am already dead.
I have been dead for a while now and I do not know how to breathe again. The body is an amazing tool. It does things you wish it wouldn't. Like breathe on its own.
I am dead but everyday I wake up from a nightmare and die again. A never-ending stream of deaths I get to live again every single time I open my eyes. Every single time I fall asleep.
I do not know how to be alive in a world where someone has my soul, a part of me they ripped out and sewed into their skin with a smile while I bled on the ground at their feet. I never thought I would be the kind of girl who would beg for release. But God and I have had a close relationship since I have started to try to **** myself in many, many different ways. God knows who I am because I curse Him every second my heart beats. I want God to be a Man. I want God to look like the ******* who ran away with that piece of me I can never get back.
I want someone to blame.
God will do.
Wishing you could die and not being able to force fate is a hard task. I do not want to drink white spirit and poison myself. I do not want to shoot myself in the head and throw bits of my brain on the nice vinyl floor of my bedroom. I want death to take me while I sleep, to pass from one side of the world to another. I want to take a breath and realize too late it will be the last.

Oct 2014

Marissa Kay

Maybe there's hope for you and me

If you reach up for the moon it doesn't seem so far.
I could grab a ladder
Or climb a tree.
It doesn't seem so big.