I have felt death
Its bony fingers on my soul
Its cold breath on my skin
I have felt what it felt like
Not to need air
Not to exist anymore
To be a shadow around those alive
To be a ghost wandering
Tip toeing around the living
Trying to get people's attention and realizing
Too late
You are nothing to anyone
I have felt death
Its murmur giving me chills
The words whispers on my lips
Barely there yet awake like opened eyes
Moving back and forth against my tongue
Words of oblivion

I can't tell if you're busy
With the new life that you're living
Or if you never cared for me at all
I can't tell if you'll change your mind
Walk back and pick up my hand
Or if you forgot I was right behind you
I can't tell if you ignore me
To get a rise out of me
Or if I never mattered to you anyway

You're a forest fire and I'm nature
Started as a spark in the deep of the night
And light up my entire universe
The fire did not hurt at first
Too busy to admire your light
I didn't feel the burn
But the burn,
Oh, the burn,
Is so painful, so hard to escape
You're lighting me on fire
And turning me to black and ashes
When all I wanted was a little warmth
A little light
But you're turning me to black and ashes

I don't fall in love that easily, but when I do, God always makes sure it ends badly.
Why do I keep hoping it will work, I have no idea.
Why do I keep trying when I know what will happen, I can't say.
I guess I must like the burn.
The burning flesh when his rejection rubs me raw, the fire in my throat when I want to speak the words but he's kissing someone else, the hands crushing my porcelain heart in tiny pieces.
Because why else would I keep on falling off mountains by myself when he promised he'd be there to catch me if I tripped?
And I have climbed this mountain so many times you'd think by now I would get there fine, but there is always a rock, always a slippery ***** I never see coming, and I always find myself alone and bruised at the bottom.
The climb, though, the wind and the thrill and the fresh air and the kisses in the morning and the eternal smiles on our faces and the Crunchy Nut I bought you for breakfast at my place are still sealed shut in a box, along with all the promises you made.
I have lived this story so many times I can almost predict what words will come out of your mouth next, and my open heart might never have a chance to be sealed shut like that pack of cereal full of promises you never opened, because you never took the time to pass by.

You.
You juggled us so well between your life you should be in a circus. You could be a magician with how well you hid her from my sight until she was so close I could feel her heart beating as fast as mine. Mine with betrayal, hers with the rush of victory.
And the worst is, you didn't even try to deny it, you ruined me and left me and she was here to witness it all and rejoice in the massacre you made of my feelings for you.
You could be a clown for that matter, since you know so well how to make me feel like a fool.
You could own that ******* circus because you master the art of illusion. You come and go as you please, and you never stay in a place long enough to see the hearts you broke crumble in front of you.
But you broke me.
You broke me and I will never forget you.

I lacked the ability to breath for so long that when you came into my life carrying an oxygen mask I thought you had hung the moon in a parallel universe you have created for us.
But you invited her first.

I had never drank myself to sleep until yesterday, when I saw you touching her arm the way you used to touch my body.
And I cannot understand how you tumbled out of my life so fast, and yet here I am. Hungover and cut in two after watching you love her with every part of the soul I was hoping would be mine.
I obviously know nothing about capturing someone's attention because she caught you in 0.5 seconds and even I was impressed.
But know if you'd come at my apartment that night I invited you, you would have known what it felt like to own someone completely.
I could have made you so. *******. Happy.
I had prepared myself to fall for you so hard, I was ready to stay awake at night and catch your dreams in my hands so I could make them a reality, I was ready to buy you a Nerf gun and challenge you to win at a water fight, I was ready to walk at 3 am to lie in bed with you for 3 minutes, I was ready to embrace all the good and all the bad and kiss you so good you wouldn't be able to tell if it was a fantasy or if I'd been made for you by the very angels I curse right now.
I was ready to take the jump and trust you'd catch me but I fell flat on my face when she walked by.
I haven't found the strength to stand back up and fight yet.
But when I do, I will march on this ***** until she understands you do not mess with angels.