oh no
here we go again
sand is getting in my hair
but I just can't seem to care
the fire crackles and pops
and the drinking just won't stop

so much drama
and fake laughter
I light the ***** on the end of the chains
I have always loved being surrounded by flame
the rush of adrenaline, the night that surrounds
the light that illuminates me, I can't hear anything but the sound

of the blaze, in my hazy daze, I count the ways
that my favorite element surprises me
it uses all the senses
claims no pretenses
but demands respect and understanding

as the third empty bottle falls
eventually nature will call
you see me sneak off to the cliff
come hold my hand and spark a spliff
the blend of getting so cross-faded
and memories get me quite jaded
your laugh brings me out of reality
and your sloppy smile so genuinely silly
tripping over our feet
the flowers smelling so sweet
we crash, embrace, and kiss
taken away from this moment
in our corner of bliss

flashbacks make me nervous
not daring to go further
knowing what is underneath the surface
lurking right around the corner

terrified of what my mind holds
about the secrets that I keep
about what thoughts could unfold
when my soul falls deeply into sleep

I am running out of distractions
finding the only way
to not feel insane
is to walk barefoot in the rain

circles of obsession
always coming back to you
so many nightmares in succession
what has my world come to?

we never were in love
how could we have been, really?
with no trust, respect or security
full of lust, but lacking peace or understanding

with all of everything that happened
just like a tornado
destroying everything in its path
and left with no where to go

I feel I should know better
most certainly by now
but something still keeps creeping up
those circles going around...

I wish I knew just what it was
that keeps on coming back
when there was nothing good you brought
your heart nothing but black

part of me will never be able to forget
not without lack of trying
you will always have that piece of me
that seems to be frozen in time

it is all I can do not to wake up screaming
have only ever been blinded by tears
telling myself nothing is what it seems
but still faced with the sheer fear of searing pain

I am careful with my movements
as to not rock the boat
as if I am still on water
as if I am still filled with hope

I would have never been able
to see things the way they are now
but at least I am finally stable
I always find a way somehow.

Looking out at all the choices that lay before me
Watching me with quiet eyes, they appear so peaceful
Knowing the moment I step forward that will all change
What once was picture perfect, now a mess of infinite crossroads
Difficulty lies in getting past my muddled thoughts, everything they are I can truly see
If I make the wrong choice it would be so easy to implode.

the lace feels like a waterfall
as it moves across my skin
I dig my fingers into the edge
hoping for something to grip onto
but I just keep sinking

I start to lose feeling in my toes
but I keep moving deeper
not caring one bit
about the biting cold
that I have long since grown used to

needing to be surrounded
by something other than emptiness
I shut out the endless quiet
with the pounding of my heart
and I lift up and let go