although my dyslexia
is cognitive
it never stopped me
from knowing
my position as a woman

to understand
to acquire knowledge
perception

to be a woman
to be quiet
to be submissive
to be polite
to smile

i knew my position
as a woman
before i discovered
i was dyslexic

there’s a reason
she calls them her favorite band
maybe it’s because the first
song of theirs she listened to
was about how people always leave
a delicate foreshadowing
of what was about to come for the
next years of her life

her ******* are sore
the slight pressure
upon inhaling and
exhaling
are a reminder of pain

she washes
her foot before
she sleeps

her legs
prickly
her arms
prickly
her toes
prickly

prickly prickly prickly

prickly from
all the people who
once took interest in her
but left her
unshaved

I can’t compete
I can’t deliver

but I can’t let go either

I keep giving myself in
I don’t know how to love halfway

i was ready to sleep
till i saw a picture of you
there was a shiver in my body
and a coldness in my hands
that not the warmest of hearts
could heal

i still miss you
and i finally understood how it feels
to age by years at the mention
of your name

c o l d
as the bed sheets we once laid on
as the silence of my phone
as the letters a h k n t s
as the hair band I left on your desk
as the dish you left me eating

the house is cold
but the house will never be
as cold
as you left
me

they always taught me
to not bite the hand
that feeds me

but forgot to teach me
how to not lick it
and fall in love with it either