pre-supernova
and within the first breath of man
there you are.

there we were.

in looser terms, your lips touched mine.
slowly. an unrushed parade of sleepy dancers all lost on psychedelics.

more than that, I wrote you a poem.
this poem, and plenty more, all of which you saw and smiled to, during the writing of which you were the 'only' on my mind and Frank Honesty nodded in approval even when my words could bite.

in looser terms, my ***** pressed slowly into your ****** while you drifted from careful to carefree.
slowly. an unrushed parade of sleepy dancers all lost on psychedelics.

more than that, I dreamed you a dream.
this dream, and plenty more, all of which you saw and smiled to, during the dreaming of which you were the 'archetype' on my mind and Frank Honesty nodded in approval even when my words could bite.

you break my heart as often as you make it.
that is the way of true love, I suppose. or the test before the rest.

and Frank Honesty knelt next to me, wine tilted in one side-finger past and away from my body.
he whispered;
'all it takes is a dose of life
and you'll come back to life.

she loves you more than you could ever know.

you know you love her just as much.'

Why is it always such a battle to keep the plans we make?

We planned a night of wild *** till we both ached- you changed your mind.

Told me you didn't feel like it. You were gone after one go.

A momentary translucence- made in the heat of a minute.

We planned a late sleep in- an afternoon together.

Beautiful brunch, beautiful walk, no attention paid to clocks.

Out of the blue, at noon, you told me brunch wasn't possible.

You said you would go home soon.

My heart skipped a beat but I played along because it was Mother's Day.

Your mom would be home sooner than expected.

Every time I try to swerve our plans back on course- you opt out.

You say

'yes'

in the heat of a moment.

Transient.

Unreliable.

(I hate using these words to describe you).

One day the plans we've made to be together- might you opt out? How can I trust anything you say in passion?

Sure you say 'no, I would never,'

but

you said 'yes, we'll spend the afternoon together. get brunch.'

you said 'I want you till we both ache. All night. Cover me.'

you said, 'I want you for a very long time. Perhaps forever. I would never leave you.'

It doesn't feel like a lie-
It feels like you have no intention to stick to anything without a battle.

Without my burning myself on anger and hurt like I'm forcing you to something against your will.

I won't believe you about our distant future love

until I can believe you about tomorrow.

The forest and my sadness flow
like seedless cherries- the mystic
is musty.

the mist is mosaic.

I have a beautiful problem.

I have a very beautiful problem.

Anvil / feather
complaints, critical acclaim
a sleepy beating, and life floats on again

but the list
had written
a letter
and left.

secretly
we all thought it best.