Im Stressed out
And you made my day
I like you
I hope you ask me for coffee

You said you hadnt been kissed in a while
i told you i would kiss you
you said youd kiss me back and im overjoyed
I love you
The rest of my night was a swirled druggy haze

there is a postcard lying in the middle of my floor
covered in her writing
telling me that I am worth it
telling me that she loves me
it looks so perfect just lying there
in the center of my carpet
i cant bring myself to move it or touch it
my mom doesn't try to pick it up
because even she sees how rightful its placement is
right and perfect
and truly in love

dearly beloved i've gathered you here today
to remind you of the smell of your father
the warm feeling you got when he held your hands
love feels that way
like home

darlings i search for a man like my father
the same age
who felt the same way looking down on me with love
the same smell, the same warmth when he holds my hands
i search for a man who feels like home

All i want is a man on prom night who
will give me enough love to write his name on my *******
a man who will give me enough dignity to drink schnapps and not feel ashamed

decompressing on a mattress
a white one without sheets
wearing bug *******
and  the loose yellow sweater
with the worn out elbows
and too long sleeves

I saw you walking
you looked so small
like a rosebud
it was raining and i was so in love
the outside of the windows looks like a forest
despite my suburban life.
i loved you so much

Yo

Hi

You know your one of my best friends right

Aw thank you

Your welcome

Hehe
How are to
You

wana call or somethin

I can't I'm decomposing

oh ok
Sorry

no no its ok dont worry
What are you right now

Rolling around in my basement

No I don't mean what are you doing I mean what are you

A happy panda

That's good

Yeah

Yep

Im happy because I'm talking to you my friend

Thanks pal

Your welcome

******>
yeah

I'm incredibly Atlantic

Cool

Ya

Yup

So tell me

About?

Anything

What is YOur favoret thing to watch

Movies without plots

You?

The Isle of Man Ty race

That's cool

Yeah

Tell me more

Well I don't really have friends who would hang with me so I spend most of my time alone

That's nice

But when I feel sad I go for a long run
But I will admit it gets to be very lonely sitting alone all the time

I know what you mean

I would ask you to hang but we don't know each other very well and I don't want to be creepy

I feel you, I do the spends all my time alone thing to but I do it for funsies

Do you want to hang THO

Potentially I am kinda a loner by choice

Oh

I write a lot of poetry
And art

Yay
So what are you doing right now

Looking

Cool

Yeah

Your awsome

Thank you

Your welcome

What are you doing

Pretending I'm a ninja and throwing knives at my punching bag

Cool cool

yeah

Tell me something

Um ... I really like your hair
It's my second favoret collor
Thanks

Tell me something

Wanna know what my 5 least favourite phrases In the English language are?

Yes

1. I don't trust you
2. It's your fault
3. I finished and its late and I don't really know what to say so thanks I guess
4. Plenty of people love you. Gotta go
5. May I interject?

Yeah I feel you

I'm decomposing

Why

Why not

True
Can i decompose with you

I wouldn't recommend it

Oh ok

It's not really a fun thing to do at parties friend

Well if your going down in going down with you

Be careful where that takes you

Ok I will be thanks

So how do I do this

Lie down close your eyes and feel yourself pulling apart. Maybe cry idk do what you feel.

Oh ok

I'm lying in a puddle of myself empty as the day I was born but decomposing is subjective


Im sinking lifeless in a sea of fear and sadness

Invert that and imagine your swimming in the eyes of someone you love

Ok I'll try

What do you love

Art .. You .. Julia.. Um ... Death and soda

That's nice

But when I say you I mean that I um...

?

Never mind

Okay

I feel my self falling into pieces

I told you

This is awsome

It's not half bad
Sometimes

And now there are hungry wolves as im falling apart

I've been losing memories

Wait really

Yes

Well I'll be air for that

What

Most of my memories are bad and sad so I'll gladly loose some

I took pictures so they aren't gone

I don't feel like me

I feel achy and weepy

I feel ... Lifeless I don't feel anything anymore

I'm cold

So am I
Things are getting blurry but I don't want to stop

Close your eyes and go to sleep

I can't sleep

Close your eyes and recite then sounds of your favorite place

I love falling apart like this it feels like death

It felt like falling asleep

That was awsome

Yep

Dearest shiver down my spine,
        Your memory is fleeting
in the evenings of july
I am hardly sleeping

i wish you were an oyster
and i wish i was your shell
as much as i adore you
my mind is stagnant as hell

I saw you chopped your hair off
it really gave me life
to see you living loosely
smiling cold as ice

I ran into you this evening
in a small cafe
you kissed my cheek
i couldn't speak
i felt it down my spine

We met last week.
Its hard to understand but I think we hit it off?
You let me play with your hair
It was nice, I sat on the hotel bed above you and you sat on the floor below
We spoke at the mall and you pseudo ditched me
It was okay and I forgot about it
I like you, you make me smile
You're cute and easy to talk to
At 5:04 You said "HI"
your first facebook message completely unprompted
I saw I had a message and of all people I didn't think it would be you
I wasn't even hoping it was you, but I was happy when it was
It meant you thought about me
"Were you at school today? Or am I just blind" you said
You looked for me and noticed I wasn't there
You apologized for blowing me off, it was okay
We discussed school and teachers
At 8:34 you asked if I was coming to school tomorrow
I said yes
We talked about TV, movies, and things we liked
I liked you
You asked if I had a pet
I don't, you do
Out of the blue you asked if I liked coffee
I do, and I thought you were gonna ask me to get some
You asked if I liked a coffee shop down town
I thought you were gonna ask me to go with you
You asked for my number
I gave it to you
We talked about bad classes
You asked if I ever got detention
I had, you had too
We discussed grades
I mentioned I'm failing Algebra
You offered me help
I was gonna say no, but then I thought Why not
You offered me notes, or help in person, or both
You told me to text you when I need help and you would find time
You said something that made no sense
You mentioned that you were sleepy, and I suggested you go to bed
You did
I looked up through the moon through the slots of my window shade
All in all good day
Im hoping you message me again tomorrow

peel me like an orange
please
i want to feel open

Under my eyes I feel them growing up through the sockets and sprouting out like chlorophyll tears
The dandelion petals tickle my lids like butterfly kisses it itches
I think I should tear them out

5pm is such a pretty time if you think about it
Im relatively certain that it's just through my eyes
The church lit up all pretty and white
The sky a softy blue and the twinkle lights in the trees

I felt my legs weighed down by crushing existence
i felt my arms floating up light as hell
exhausted and rejuvenated  
id kiss the sky if im not so certain i would stretch myself too thin

where are you
and how did you come into my life
you vanilla candle dream
you lovely acre of midsummer land
heavenly fairylight daydream girl
glow of firefly **** and acorn heart
you are the apex of august
you are my solstice
the darkening leaves
gracing the ground
she is the red and golden aura  
of the love i feel for her

chilly coldy cold
**** the slush on roadside drives
taste the dust of icey eyes
lips of frost and glacial heart
snowy life  
cold colder coldest
what the ****

No one trusts me
I'm just their little daughter
Their little lying daughter

I once heard my mother call me a *******
It was through the wall while she was arguing with my father on the phone
Sometimes I think he might be the only one who likes me

Hey rosebud
your lips are so red
so red like the blood
the blood that rushes to my cheeks
when you touch me
(even if its just on my arm)

hey clementine
your hair is orange
as vibrant
your hair in the picture i painted
the one that you keep
in your journal
(it desperately makes me smile)

hey sunshine
your aura is yellow
do you hear me?
its yellow just like
In the sweater you wear
you used to borrow hers
(the one i used to covet)

hey forest
your **** is green
like the places you go
running over damp moss
getting high driving around
smoking plants and memories
(I want to go with you)

hey ocean
Your sea is blue
like the water you swim in
lying on your back
hair unfurling
like tendrils of strawberry gold
(You are the sea and im gonna take a dip in your eyes)

Hey lavender
your room is purple
like the dreams you have
you are the smell in your room
the light of my life
the sky in the morning
(you are a flower and i think you are etherial)

you are the colors of the rainbow
you are shades
hues and beautiful tones
i see you in every pothole
every tooth in every grimace
every painting in every museum
(you are every shiver down my spine)

Like a wilted plant I was caught in a ceramic *** painted like a spider web
You were my love and the band of my existence
Saying that isn't enough when I mean to say you were a ballet dancer
and a poppy seed bagel and a brand new bottle of nail polish
a champion of industry and and unsharpened pencil

I have a picture we took together
its your blurry childhood hand snatching at the camera
I clicked the button and flash there it was
a stuck moment in time
a time of playful zoo days and class field trips

Together we were a couple of culture shock cuties and sadgirl themes
making a red wine grin

You were a love and You were my artist but your friend caught my eye

I've been sleeping on the floor next to my furnace
It started in the summer too warm to sleep in my bed,
sandwiched in between to fans and curled up to control my temperature

but over the months I went back to by bed
slept two feet off the ground with my wobbly headboard that bangs on the wall when I toss and turn

Three days ago I went back to the tiny floorspace I carved out for myself
I thought it was because I was cold and scared I just wanted to curl up
Warm, safe in a little nest after I realized I lost control and I don't know

After I saw a final moment of peace between two wholesome hell storms
I realized that you kept your mattress on the hardwood floor
You kept me safe and warm and now I feel safe and warm on the floor

but this time its without you