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walking

running
faster
faster
faster
as the faces in the crowd
blur to ghosts

was it
loss of realization
or realization of loss?
please mom
it's getting worse
do you know the weight of it?
clawing your way up
test after test,
year after year,
to be the perfect reflection of the dreams they have for you,
those that are now your own.
where your worth now hangs.

when they see the prize,
they say, 'oh it comes so easily to her'

Easily?

i bled for this.
i screamt for this.
and my mind?
it whispers
'this is just what you're supposed to do'
you are 'gifted'
its your mere responsibility.
nothing to celebrate. nothing special.

isnt it?
when there are two voices in your mind
one scorning your inadequacy,
the other a desperate, fragile echo of perceived success,
constantly vying, and battling to beat the other;
you yourself get lost in the middle.

7th mar, 25
skinny
perfect
quiet
day after day
smiling in the mirror
hiding the pain
because crying isn't perfect
because yelling isn't perfect
never step on the cracks in the sidewalk
never show suffering
never hurt one arm without hurting the other
never eat more than a bite
always happy
but not too happy
always quiet
but not too quiet
or else people notice
Monday, 3rd February, 2025                                                       Entry 4
Pain

Pain it's sticks with you your whole life
It floods your mind,

It's sickening.

You feel it in your gut,
you try to scream out,
But as usual,
Not a sound.

“Is there something wrong with me,
Can I speak my mind?”

“Am I really just a misunderstood child?”

My limbs are tried
My eyes droop.

Pain,
The pain that haunts me,
You will be with me forever.

Sincerely,
                  W.W
Hello I'm sincerelyww!
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