I had a dream last night
That when I awoke
You were tangled in the sheets next to me
Our legs intertwined, our clothes scattered
Together and happy as never before

Reality hit when I came to this morning
Nobody next to me, cold and alone
The dream lingered just beyond my conscious thoughts
Leaving me with a hollow, empty feeling
Because you are gone

I lie down tonight
knowing I won't sleep.
It's been months, and still
I'm kept up
with an aching stomach and too many thoughts
running through my mind.

I remember June, when we met,
I couldn't sleep then either.
Any second away from you
left me longing.
So we would hold on,
long talks until dawn,
Fingers tracing, memorizing faces
with touch, scent, taste. Embracing
and knowing I'd have to leave all too soon,
We would stay awake until the sunrise
forced our eyes shut.

Now
I still feel you with me,
Always haunting.
Memories of dreams:
a wedding never to be,
a pretend family

In my dreams,
There you stand
In front of me
Face to face
If only you can see
My smile from a mile away
Looking in your eyes
I felt a certain way
It was hard to say
When you took my breath away
Take out your hand
I would rather show
Than tell you how
U really makes me feel
In my hand
Was this beautiful art
Which is fragile and easily broken
I like to call it my precious heart
Walking the path
To get to you
All of a sudden
I start to think of the past
That had my heart
Feeling so blue
I stop and look at you
And memories started
Rolling through me
Through me
I forgot what it was like
To hear your deep voice
Ringing in my ears
I forgot what it was like
To have my heart
Skip a beat
Every time you near
I forgot what it was like
When u touched me
And I just melted
I forgot what it was like
To be in your arms
And never wanted to let go
I forgot what it was like
To Fall deeply
In love with you
Tears drop down
As u start disappearing
And my heart start racing
Trying to get to you
Here I am pacing
When pain appearing
Crying out “please don ‘go”
But sadly u was already gone
All of a sudden
I woke up
Thinking it was only a dream
Then I look at my hand
And there it was
Pieces of a scattered heart
That I can no longer called
My beautiful art

We like to take care of skinny people
as if they were just passing through.

Like if we don't hold them tight, they'll disappear.

We put sweaters on them
bundle them up with words of concern.
We take them in.
We tuck them in.
It becomes an addiction
that runs both ways.

I fell in love with worried eyes
and pursed lips, the feeling
of ribs knocking into the yielding flesh
of a whole universe of mothers.

They do not leave.
They stay and take care of you
fortify you, nourish you,
bring the colour back.

Skinny, I can't let you go
because I don't know how
to just ask
for love.

Not from them,
and not from me.
I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna die
keep me at age five
before the flood came
bring her back
take nothing away
ever, ever again.

Not strong enough to feed myself the inherent right for affection
and not brave enough to be strong.


And so that's why I chose you, Skinny.
My collar bones are my contingency plan.
If they disappear too, God help me-
because I got nothing.

i remember that night on your front steps
smoking cigarettes and talking with your mother
while
i cradled your heart and
you cried on my chest

i remember middle school english class
and your first thong,
pink and white and blue

i remember we made that bourbon summer
last until december

i remember bottle rockets and champagne
the morning your brother died

i remember carrying you home
in the rain
the day after you escaped from the hospital
and you cried then, too.

i remember lying on the cold ***** tile
of your mother's kitchen
whispering Neruda in your ear
shivering & sweating with you
that night we took ecstasy

i remember the first night
you let me slip an honest prayer between your lips