Don't worry darling,
When I push you away,
I promise,
You won't feel a thing.

I'll be the one,
To burn in the fire,
The smoke,
Causing my eyes to sting.

I know it's for the better,
I'm a burden,
Don't you see?

I promise I won't blame you,

Who would want to be around me?

Who are you and why do you have this effect on me?
You walked in the room and I can hardly breath
Do you make me nervous on purpose, or is it just me?
Are you doing this on purpose?
I'm falling so quickly

I don't wanna rush it and call it too soon
But if you were the sun, then I'd be the moon
Your eyes illuminate the streets with the only light I can see
I'm just a deer in your headlights when you look at me

Take me anywhere you want to go
I'd follow you into the dark in places I don't know
Wherever you are is where I want to be
You're everything I want, and all that I can see

If you have a hint of doubt about the things that I have said
Just believe me when I say, you do laps inside my head
If you leave it up to me,
I'd tell you to stick around
You be the tree,
I'll be the roots in the ground
I'll help you grow and try to give you everything you need
Darling, it'd make me happy if you grew old with me

I cannot find
my peace of mind,
the weight of which crushes me
and I know not where I am again.

Like being so far away from home,
the smell of clothes
takes me back to the
last time I was in them.

I trace these thoughts
as I trace the curve of your spine-
immaculate ridges like the ride of
the cobblestones on your porch.

I find my solace
in the perfect arches of your shoulders
like the hold of the hearth
that keeps me warm.

I stow my secrets
into the unbreakable weave of your ribs,
safe and sound into the vault
of your tireless heart.

And dreams I dream
to the lullaby
of your ebb and flow
heartbeat.

Tonight I hacked the **** out of
The medial portion of my right anterior brachium.
Just to torture myself
In a place that wasn't used to it.
The blood spilled in streams
Little specs flicked from a blade
Sprinkled on my fingertips,
Spread across my hollow hands
And dripped peacefully beneath me
To pool in my lap like a
Beautiful collection of art
Each rich drop.
I couldn't tell you what it feels like
To be in pain
Because I couldn't tell you what it feels like
To not
Be
In pain.
My self destruction is my only
Salvation.
So I dug that sharp metal through
These unsuspecting layers of frail flesh
And separated mind and body-
Tearing at the tendonous fibers
'Til an erosive eruption of blood gushing
Snap, and I could almost ******* laugh
At
The
Fact
That I could not feel one thing in me.
Couldn't feel a razor 6 inches in skin
Like I wouldn't feel weight on my chest
Buried 6ft deep in dirt.
So I burned away at my being
With a fury painted red and left me

Numb.

And you ask me why I
Worship pain, it is not
To feel something, it is only to
                                  B L A C K  O U T
Cause I'd like to be dead
But instead
I take advantage of myself
When I can't hurt anyone else
But I
Can't
Help
Hurting
Because it will crawl out of
My torn skin
And infect everything around me
I'd drown me
In my own ******* blood
If I could.
But I can't, so
I'll sure as **** take this chance
To cut my head off with
My own hands,
And maybe one day
I'll just
Bleed
*Out.