The day I met you my eyes were open wide
My heart was just a shell, nothing on the inside
I’ll never fall in love again, I said, A lie to hide behind
A love like yours I was sure I’d never find.
You came without a warning in my blind spot and since that day the light has shined.
I hope and pray we last a lifetime and you never leave me behind

I’m at the bottom of this bottle .. wishing I had never cracked the lid. The escape you were supposed to bring only came with pain and regret. I’ve lost so much and feel so alone.. I just wish I had them here and not the loss of what has gone. It’s as if 3 people died and not just 2 the struggle is real and none of this **** feels real.

The day was wet and cloudy
I took all of moms plants outside and gave them a little water
Then the sun shined blindingly bright for a moment then dimmed
As a white butterfly fluttered around her plants
She’s still here with me watching over me
And proud I haven’t given up
I feel her love surround me and hear her words .. you are so strong and you are my my sunshine when it rains. While I once was her sunshine she is now mine. She’s the light that keeps me going and the reminder that there is no time to waste

I’m struggling today
Just like I’ve struggled every day
Im struggling to find a way to be ok
Struggling to find the words to say

I thought of you this morning, this afternoon and in bed at night as I lay
The pain it comes in massive waves all hours of the day
The sleepless nights and horrific dreams are here to stay
I’m lost without you here, I’m not myself and I am not ok

I’m questioning so many things leading up to that awful day
Wishing I could go back and change some things
Say some things I never got to say

I love you mom, I always have and I always will. In my heart is where I keep you still

I still feel you here
I talk to you in my dreams
My world feels so empty without you near
I pray for god to wrap you in his arms
Something i didn’t do enough dear mother
None of this feels real
I’m going through the motions but my world is standing still
I know you are no longer in pain
But now all I feel is thunderstorms inside my brain
You said i was your sunshine but without you here
I’m struggling to find the sunshine through the rain

Heart be still
Mind stop this endless racing
Why keep chasing what only ends in chills
The panic
The terror
In the end it kills you

She’s hides behind the smile
But there’s sadness in her eyes
The ache deep down inside
She’s longing for happiness
Grieving the loss of love
Reaching for answers in the sky above