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 Jun 2013 Tommy
A Thomas Hawkins
Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
No capsizing
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
There once was a ship a-sail
Out on the open sea.

Sails harness pure and open wind energy
See 'em flap this way and that-a way.

Sweet ride forever on, safely on to harbour
Oh boy, are we havin' some ssssswell fun..or what!


S T, 05 June 2013
No capsizing, ok.

Just a nod to all sailor-poets out there :)
Like you, Liam! Thanks a heap for fun inspiration....

Ultra-cool saying I read somewhere:
The mind is like a parachute.
When closed, it's useless!



sub-entry:

"knee-scrapin' the edge"

1.
yes, come on, baby
get on now, let's ride.

take you on the highway
go knee-scrapin' that superb edge.

yeah, lemme take you for a ride
only that way we can.

I'll make you scream and squirm
and let you fly on southern winds!

2.
oh, how we feel that thrill ...together
harmonious crying out ....

oh yeah, baby...your hair flowing
we're sure outridin' the winds!

:)
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
Twist of Blue
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
how he loved his sweetheart queen
she always wore the silver bracelet
he gave when she turned sixteen
now their kids are growing; how time has flit



10 a.m.

Eyes opening, sun comes streaming through the windows. It's so late!

I rise, feel so groggy....what's this weighty load on me...?
I've been sleeping, yet feel profoundly *weary
.
Where is everyone?
"Muriel...?"
I get to the bathroom to wash and shave.

My wife appears at the door, "Honey, where have you been? Oh, we haven't seen you in so long... Welcome back! Come down for tea, dahling."
She pours a glittering smile and reaches up to touch my cheek with the back of her left hand, fingernails painted deep red...her nuptial rings still a dazzle after so many years...but she....
"Alright, dahling?"
"Y-yes, dear."

She had never called me darling...or even dahling....before...!
Huh?
And off she goes, to the kitchen.
Welcome back?? did she say?? And her eyes were shining so bright...
Wait a minute....just  hold on ....what....??
I shake my head, unable to toss some heavy feeling....a dense cloud in my head.



10:30 a.m.

Now I'm dressed and freshened up, I head down.

Feeling better, I see my warmhearted and humorous son at the pine dinette table.
I smile warmly as he turns to look up...I remember the promise that we'd go fishing this weekend.
"Hey, budd....."
I reach over to touch his hair, but he flinches away..!

"Who's this, Mom?" Kyle demands hotly.
My wife gives a bright smile which doesn't quite reach her eyes and says: "Now, Kyle....behave. It's Daddy.."
"Oh, he's just .....tired, ok."

She waltzes over and politely hands me a steaming mug.
What in the name of....???
Over the cloud of coffee, I watch them all.
Little Jenny, but my jolly toddler...now on her mother's hip...watches with wary eyes and reaches out to scratch me, her pacifier hanging from a blue ribbon, like a noose from her 'happy-smiles' bib.

"But Mom, he's been away so long...for years and..."
I hear him whispering sullen and lizard-like, to his mother....but he's hissed into silence.

What in the heck....?
"Now, children," Muriel says patiently, "go play out in the yard..."

Oh, I'm feeling so frazzled!



11:00 a.m.

I decide I've had enough.

My wife is at the sink, thickly busy rinsing cups and plates; she smiles sweetly, humming.
She never did like doing dishes....
Now there she stands, looking all coiffed and made-up, hopelessly incongruous...

I shake my head; thoughts roll and collide, like mysterious marbles across my mind-floor...
Kyle watches me hostile, from the garden...arms folded defiantly across his chest.
Jenny's on her tricycle, red as a fire-engine.....eyes blankly staring, bent on crisscrossing her scalene triangle trip.

I turn to ask: "Muriel, where's your bracelet, dear? You always have it on."
"Oh, dahling...don't you worry. It's upstairs on the dresser."

And yet.....I was there earlier whilst dressing, and I didn't see it!

Baffled, I step out to the kids.
I prune the bougainvillea and then rake some leaves. Hairs stand up on the back of my neck....
It feels as if I'm being watched...when I look up to see, they are all quickly resume their activities.
Muriel just keeps on that shiny smile for me.


11:30 a.m.

This is it.

As I rake, some leaves make way for a clearing in the yard.
Bending down to scoop some up, a shiny reflection catches my eye...there's the silver bracelet with that beautiful twist of blue as gemstones.
What was it doing here...?

Still pondering, I see my wife's head **** up from the kitchen window...lips curling back...oh, no smile this time...body looking too *****...eyes like saucers, way, way too interested.....

I look down again...move some more leaves.....a curled hand....But it looks like ......

I recognise my Muriel's hand, her clear and pushed-backed-cuticle fingernails....her arm..her face....but.....
she's here.....!!

What the.....??

I turn round slowly to look.....only..... too slowly.....







how I loved my sweetheart Muriel
who always wore her silver bracelet
with that beautiful
twist of blue




S T, 11 June 2013
Partly inspired by movie 'Haunting in Salem'...just some ****** film I couldn't finish....lol
Dozed off and wrote this thing, instead :)


sub-entry: none
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
Discoverer
 Jun 2013 Tommy
st64
Looked for you the other day
Looked for you-ooh the other day

So sorry, couldn't find you
So sorry, couldn't find you....

Still feel so bad, how could this be?
We really once were so close!

I know you'd say....hey, it's ok
I know you'd say.... hey, man, it's ok

Cos I'm not there at all
No, I'm not there at all !

I'm somewhere else, someday you'll see
Yeah, you ALWAYS had to go first!

Diaz, the discoverer!
Always searching
Looking and finding things
That others NEVER see......

S T,  02  June  2013
Will always miss my late brother.
We were a mere 18 months apart, so very close.

They say time softens the blow ..... 'tis true, but.....



sub-entry:

'recognise'

after 16 years gone,
I pray that ...

I get to recognise your light
when my time comes.
I get you to welcome me
into the next realm.
I get to reach my point
with no compromise.

I get that beacon point
that .......
next step onto the final platform.

I pray my soul makes it
through the eye of the needle.

I pray you recognise me....dear brother.

(he was such a pioneer!)
 May 2013 Tommy
st64
you are .....
 May 2013 Tommy
st64
my breath* .....

1.
the powerful, yet gentle wind beneath this dismal, broken flight
the crazy, brilliant ship on stormy seas;
can’t fly over to you ... on wounded wings
can’t sail the wide oceans .... without its captain.


2.
should grow up, by now....
but just can’t, ok.
why so afraid of what longs to be, what's meant?
let me tell you, this is real!


3.
how failure sits smug, an endless smirk
hopelessly try to put it all together again.



you are ....my very breath.... and yet,
you are ....still unable to see ....


S T, 30 May 2013
how did the sun go missing.....
oh, how the feeling of failure can dog the soul.
yeah, woof woof.
no entertaining of profound elegies here, ok.


sub-entry:

‘the places you took me’

1.
so many magical things we said and (almost) left unsaid
oh, how we tried to see if our jigsaw pieces could cascade and fit tight
myriad collections of happy squares and delightful triangles
and so oft, we tripped over each others’ thoughts.

2.
yet, what I love best ...will always be...
the places you took me ... oh!
into deep and silent caves - where we beamed our life-light
over the wheat-coloured fields - where we roamed so freeeee ...

3.
yes, I keep nurturing in steadfast hope
that arboured grove we planted together
and like canopied, navy night-sky, it flourishes beyond reckoning ....
despite your hectic absence.

4.
and then, you left me so
badly  a-hitching for breath....again
yet, the feel of you is so strong: intense
when the heavens pour rain ....like now.

5.
what a non-linear journey, you've lit the unseen way!
but without you, rain is just water falling
need to remember to keep breathing
oh, breathe me ......
 May 2013 Tommy
AS
"listen
beloved i dreamed
i thought you would have deceived
me and became a star in the kingdom
of heaven" - ee cummings


listen
love, I am
looking for things to promise you.
(i promise) I have noticed the lines next to your eyes
I promise I am a foreign country
i'm not trying to be
I promise sometimes I look in the mirror and I see a child
and I am right.
Build me a castle
made of cigarette butts and litchi fruit
and (i will) wear my crown of white hot ash
and i will burn my Hebrew name into your palms like
some catholic wednesday
like some stolen bicycle
like your sidelit kindness in the cold.
(go home)
and i will write you a song
sweet enough to
wash the taste
out of your mouth.
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