don't tell me that this isn't beauty
you can't show me how to love
you can shove as many pictures
down my throat
as you want
but you will never break this wall
and you will not break me
you do not dictate how i look at life
and you no longer have the power
to tell me that whether my eyes are blue,
my teeth are straight
and there's a gap between my thighs,
whether my skin is a light tan
and unblemished,
whether my nose is like a button
and my lips are like rose petals
or
my eyes are brown,
my teeth aren't straight,
my thighs touch
my skin isn't tan but it's brown
and i have freckles and spots
my nose is bigger than that
and my lips are full and round
is the difference
between
beauty
and the beast
you cannot control
me anymore.

Your technology gives you away
I didn't ask it to tell me
But when I went on our last conversation
It showed me the last time you'd seen it,
About 20 minutes before I had.
You're doing exactly what I am,
I don't think you want to let go
Not yet
Even though I know we need to.
I just have one question,
That drunk message you sent me,
Does it betray you more than you'd hoped?

What's one more drop
In the ocean
Of a water so salty
It leaves tracks on the skin
And renders it
Weak and painful

And what's one more run
Of your tongue
Across your dry lips
Before you feel the skin crack
And the taste of blood
Covers your tongue

And what's one more look
Across the room
To the gap left by your absence
And you feel your heart shudder
And your stomach drop
As a jolting pain
Fills you up
Will you find a way out?

I don't know what hurts more
That what's been done has been done
Or that I know it hurt you too,
Although a small, selfish part of me does hope
That it did.

I heard that creak in your voice,
And though you didn't stumble
Over any of your words,
I heard your voice change pitch,
Your words squeezing their way
Over that lump in your throat.

I hope you didn't hear me break,
I didn't give you much of a chance to,
But it seemed a bit too loud to me,
When I felt my stomach rupture
As my heart crashed down through my rib cage
Landing with a thud at my feet
Having fallen all the way from the top of my throat
To where it had leapt at the sound of the words
"I don't know if I can do this anymore".

It hurts to know that it's still there,
That a part of you was reluctant to do it,
Though I know it couldn't have lasted much longer anyway,
We were too far apart,
And you were locking yourself in your own head.
So, I guess,
I hope you find a way out.

I wrote a poem for you,
It's actually one of many,
But this one,
I wrote it on the back of one of those quotes
The ones I kept on my wall?
I don't know if you remember
That half of them fell off,
And I haven't had the time
To put them back up,
I'm leaving soon anyway.
I wasn't paying attention
To the paper it was written on,
I was just looking for anything at that point,
But I turned it over before,
And I realised
The song it's from is not about love,
But there are snippets that could be,
And that have always meant so much to me,
And I know it's a coincidence,
But I find it tragically beautiful
That it landed on
"I will be with him wherever he goes"
Because I don't want to let you go
Not yet,
And that's not romantic,
Since it's not reciprocated.

I don't want to think about us just being friends
We've never been that before
You're making all of the same jokes as you always did
But they're different,
Tainted by those words,
Or maybe I was just blinded by you,
A bit too much involved
Though it was always you
Who seemed more enthusiastic.

It's not that I wasn't,
I just didn't know how to show it,
And just as I began to learn,
You ended it.

It wasn't a long relationship,
But I meant it when I said
That looking into your eyes
Felt like home,
Felt like I could see everything
I'd ever want or need to see
And that was sufficient.

I can keep telling myself that I don't need you,
I can and will go on just fine,
You weren't the only thing in my life,
But you sure as hell made everything
Seem ten times better.

She asked me
If we would ever get back together
And I'm not going to lie,
I still dream of your kisses,
Your lips against mine,
Of lying in your arms
Feeling your chest drag
Heavily up and down
My heart beat in time with yours,
But I don't think I could.

I know you're right
When you say it was getting too much,
A week every couple of months
Isn't enough for either of us,
And soon I'll be at the other end of the country,
Maybe even the world
And it would only get harder.

But those weeks,
Sporadic as they were,
Felt as though they could make everything right
That even if forever isn't real,
We could last a **** long time.

Maybe I was mistaken,
And maybe it's naive
To think I could give this another chance.