She carries keys in her hand
though she dropped her car off
underground and across land
over an hour ago,
it’s a status symbol,
as is her tight dress
and higher heels than the rest,
her handbag too is money defined
lined with faux fur she thinks is real
with a teal exterior that, well,
is the cheapest colour on her person.

She sits in between the
no-purpose-at-all-walls,
studded and wrong and placed
at angles in the room that
throw light from shade to gloom.

I walk through the dark but await a new dawn
for what I feel is right sometimes turns out wrong
It's about where your going, and not where you've gone
I wander this path to find where I belong
Under no circumstance will my resolve be fawned
even though I surpassed the line that was drawn
My soles are worn thin, but these legs still stand strong
If the shoe fits wear it, and walk the **** on.

I almost said I'm sorry
I typed it out in text
but then I sat in worry
over what may come next

At the bottom of a bottle
wallowing in sorrow
I critiqued my writings
and said I'll send them tomorrow

It told you I still love you
and I'm haunted with regret
I have been so selfish
with all I wish I hadn't said

I awoke in the morning
with a clearer head
read it all again
and chose not to send

I deleted the message
I know it sounds absurd
but in that moment of weakness
I still meant every word.

I’d like to think there’s nothing wrong with me
but every time I look in the mirror,
a mess is all I see.

Who is this girl with curly black hair
that runs down her shoulders like angry waterfall
suffocating her every night as she sleeps alone
but to be honest, there’s not much difference
when they were your hands around her instead.

Who is this girl with coal-like irises
that thinks she’s already dead, that her soul ran away
just a ghost in a body not knowing exactly what to do
quietly roaming around this deceitful city
but they are honest and they see, the monster in you.

Who is this girl with light, bleeding, soft lips
fumbles nervously around everyone she knew
tripping over her own words, about you
struggling to align her messy mind
because it’s always havoc at the thought of you.

Who is this girl who pulls sleeves over her fingers
a constant lie of “I’m fine” to whenever anyone ask her
they try to make her out, another sad girl with cuts over you
but no, not this girl, she is sad with bruises that can’t be seen
bruises that blend well with her porcelain skin.

I am that girl, one who sees perfection in everyone but herself
no matter what anyone tells her, it won’t be enough
I can never have enough of something good
because everything that comes with it,
requires a high price of sanity to pay.

My bed feels empty
without you even
though you never
slept here. So isn't
it funny how your
side of the bed
still belongs to you
in a place you
weren't a part of?

I will not ask you to stay

If you must go, go
I don't need you
I will breathe (carefully) without you
I will smile (slowly) without you
I will go on (eventually) without you

I'd be much happier
If you chose to not leave,
But if you must let go, let go
And I will too

Hopefully one day
I will teach my heart to not break
Whenever everyday thoughts
Lead to you

I'm afraid I'm much too weak,
I'm afraid we'll always be
A book with the end pages ripped out,
I'm afraid I'll always wonder,
Always ache,
Always place everyone second to you

I'm afraid I'll always love you,
But I will not ask you to stay