I lost my sanity to you.
Nothing that I could remember
Would restore me to the boy I once were
and bestow to me again my baneful innocence.

My mind was lost to you.
Something I remembered the other day about that day
Though it was much too late
and I never was your preference, my, what ignorance.

You robbed me of a ***** here
And bolts and hinges from every inch of tiny little squares
You stole away, wrote yourself off
and sweetheart, you rebuilt me
I was never more free.

I'm not in denial and I'm no longer sad,
I'm just ****** at myself for being so ******* naive.
I'm ****** that I let you get the best of me, when I never got **** from you.
So I'm still ******* bitter, but do you blame me?
For five ******* years I let you string me along.
And for what? A moment that I feel guilty for everyday?
Guess I wasn't enough to make you stay.
You were my best friend, and it kills me when I see you with her.
Not because I like you, but because I feel bad that she still doesn't know.
Do you not understand how bad you hurt me?
Because although I don't think about you everyday,
I still think about you.
But I held my pride, and what did you hold? My heart?
Frankly, you're not worth it. You never were.

a mother caught a cheating husband.
a few minutes walk from their home in a high glass building.
from below she knew which apartment it would be
a green light shined from a Victorian lamp
which she had gifted the thieving *****.
as she ascended, the start of that beating drum
thumped loudly with every step
through the empty corridors
she held her ear at every red frame
for his voice of treason
and on the seventy fifth floor
at the eight hundred eighty eighth door  
she listened on
heard voices unthinkingly in love
her heart could not bare what her ears had heard
her joints and elbows contorted inward
towards her chest where she beat it madly with her fists
she slumped all the way home
plotting a demise for he and she
allowing malevolence to poison her good hearted soul
she thought of a way to get rid of them both
climbing an endless staircase dark and poorly lit
cries and tears of a joyless woman unrequited
passed her children without a momentary glance
not a wave goodbye
no more kisses goodnight
from the rooftop
passed the eight hundred eighty eighth door
she found her cure
she leapt as she stared out into the sky
and not a tear no more she will cry

a brown cardboard home
underneath a busy bridge
I hear the passing by of tied men and pumped feet
popping against the rough cement
the whirl of the wind curling in the arch of an underway
cuts the air through my ragged clothes
not a car zooms by these lonely days and nights
I am safe but I am not happy nor sad
I do not feel shame and I am not proud
the smell of the gutter spill from the city above
I take a liking in its never changing smell
only the river waves sing me to sleep
I veer out into the foggy streets
Not an eye sets its stare upon me
Only those curious enough to drop a bill or two into my water cup
that I hold out to the sky when it starts to rain
the river's poison I've seen a man die in it
the river runs wild I lost my tattered shoes to it
been starving for weeks
hoping that the trash man drives by soon
he'll drop some litter and I'll be rummaging
my stomach will hurt for days but I am satisfied
my body keeps running
and here in this brown cardboard home
I never gave to the ideas of
doubts,
regrets,
greed,
happiness,
love,
ambition or dreams.
I slept and I awake
I don't feel and I'm undead.
I'm torn but I piece myself together
I never understood why but why I feared that this might end
and someone might take me
and put me somewhere new
some place where I'm shaven and cleaned to the teeth
fingernails and toes
given new itchy clothes
and a shiny pair of shoes
I'll be looked to improvement,
pressure to make progress
progress to make good change
stress to bottle my mind full of senseless thoughts
to **** for peace
to work for paper
to follow rules the lawmakers do not follow
to dream but never achieve
I think I will go back to my little cheap motel,
the brown cardboard love,
the home made from less than a single tree
and I will be merry
to know I don't need those toils
I'll spend my day worse than dirt,
soiling my life free of turmoils.

Stop looking, maybe try harder and you'll stop looking
You're right in front of you but you always look through
Right on through and you forget about yourself
Leave yourself to handle all the messes and all the lies
They pile right on top of each other and breed up the flies

Oh, child what is wrong with a little commitment?
Stop running, slow down a bit and you'll stop running
You make yourself, you break you down
To the bare and naked truth, you'll find yourself out
And you'll learn that there isn't always time to pout

There will be moments to thrive from the fall
Stop changing, be who you are and you'll stop changing
To edge of the world you'll stand and look over
And you'll see that it goes round and round
You'll never escape it just dance to its sound

Stop fighting, put down your weapons and maybe you'll stop fighting
Why is there a need for you to make enemies?
The power is dangerous once you've achieved it
You’ll seek it, it’ll destroy you; it’s the inevitable truth
Before you know it, it's got a hold of all your youth

Trip over the high density of our constant lies
We're all out to break and hurt the non-elite
Words and phrases they never meant a thing but to lure you in
This facade of love that we send soldiers like cattle
Down an assembly line to build and protect
A fake America, burning towers tumbling down
Bellowing the sweet sorrows of victims
Whose screams we replay the audio over and over
To divert you from seeing the real culprit  
We are sick minded human beings with the thirst for enemies
We'll kiss everyone we meet on the cheek
And continue to fake what we tell you we'll be
We prefer a stabbing to the back
Never a full frontal attack
And we have puppets
We'll always find someone to replace the current like the forty four before
The people's memories will fade and burn like corpses caused by the Enola Gay
We''ll drop a bomb to wipe out everything mankind has worked for
Because in the end we do not need peasants
We have everything and everyone else has absolutely nothing
And 99% will lay to waste and ruin in the ruins we leave to burn
We'll pity so we can mislead to false hope
Send small portions of rations to schedule feeding underlings
Flouride in the drinking water to better control
Corruption in the oval office classified, uncovered, never shared
Always kept underwraps, never revealed just a hoax.
Lips to ears do the whispers carry.
A promise for a better tomorrow but a date will never be set for peace
So we keep telling you that it only gets better
And we'll think apologies fix everything
Truth is we meant nothing in the first place
Because we'll keep remaking mistakes that we apologize for
Misery is our job
Eating and breathing and surviving on the pain of lower humans
Like clothed animals rampaging through a corrupt society
So we'll let the people let their guard down for a quick second and us, vultures
Will devour them quick in that moment
To find you are empty inside,
We've starved you of what you've needed
Because all along, and everything we've ever done
we never realized once you've all revolted
this 1% would surely fall to pieces.

Waited for the right moment to let this go.
Didn't know I was going to end up turning on the wrong road.
Running away from all the things left unsaid.
Broke the pen caught up in the ink that bled.
I'm chasing a star in the sky that may no longer be there.
There's a connection, a thread that's drawing me in.
I am a fish bound by natural attraction
and hooked by a mindless decision.
This is the way I am
Do you prosecute me so?
I remain seamless and you've got me for sure.
Trickery is to be at hand and that hand you hold so high.
Hold me high to let me fall.
The ground broke the crash landing.
How heavy that burden were to be if dropped on your shoulders.
It would be justice for me to see you crumble, to see you small.
But I am not going to let these regrets drown me.
I am putting this past behind me so that I can untie myself from the ground
And float on, baby I need to float on.
I may think of you from time to time.
But I'm on fire and I have no one to put me out.
So I'm waiting on time to burn me down.
To ashes and from the ashes I will arise with change.
When I'm done you're to be sure to remember my name.
I have to let this all go.
And this is the best time for the show.
So when my mind turns fragile be the last touch to spiderweb the cracks until it finally shatters.
At peace I will be.
At last finally at last at peace I will be