It took me awhile to finally grasp the idea
That your promises were paper, nowhere near steel.
You'd bend them and break them with just the form of your lips
Then try to rectify them as though effortless.
Your lies were executed so alarmingly well,
It was a few years until I ran like hell.
And even though I knew I was just a pawn in your game,
The love that I felt unwillingly stayed.
It took you consistently breaking me for one thousand four hundred and sixty days,
To wake me up from my deplorable daze.
Your lips still form words but I am no longer naïve,
And I watch you toss aside the others you've aggrieved.
How bitter you must feel to have to pretend,
And have loneliness be your only true friend.

You asked me a question you already knew the answer to
You cared if I was out with other boys
But I never cared at all
You'd call to see if I got home alright
But I'd say that my phone was dead
And when you'd whisper in my ear late at night
I'd pretend I was already asleep
You'd hang on my every word
And I'd nod at your stories
When you wanted me to meet your parents
I made up a lie
You'd be the first person I'd drunk text
But I never gave away any hints
And when you'd tell me you loved me
I'd smile and kiss you on the cheek
So I was surprised when you asked if I loved you
Because we both knew that I didn't

I spend my nights curled up with books filled with people I've never met but whose lives I wish I had lived
Frayed and worn from over reading and misuse
In this one the girl meets a boy and he doesn't break her heart
He doesn't blur the lines and says exactly what he means and what he wants
He doesn't use her to fill the void of his loneliness
He kisses her and the next day he isn't taken away from her by somebody else
She has a wonderful family
The mother isn't sick and is still married to the father
And the Grandfather never touched her the way mine touched me
She still has her innocence and isn't confused by what love was
And people can touch her without her feeling repulsed
She was full of trust and a naivety I sometimes wish I still had
But I don't
So I live my life through words and phrases of people who were made up
Because in the real world I find my reflection hard to bear

I wish that for once my hair would do what I want,
I wish that your eyes would stop haunting my thoughts.
I wish I knew what I'd be good at in life,
I wish I knew why I like to start fights.
I wish that my bitterness would go away,
I wish that I would have begged you to stay.
I wish I could decipher lust from love,
I wish I knew why I wasn't enough.
I wish that I could let people in more,
I wish I wasn't so familiar with my bathroom floor.
I wish that the porcelain would stop calling my name,
I wish I could put down the razors, but I deserve the pain.
I wish that it was easier to get on the right track,
I wish I could take a step, without taking three back.
I wish that my wishes would always come true,
But all I can do is wish, and hope that they do.

These memories are part of me, they're wrapped around my soul,
Each sound you make is joyful but it's not me that you hold.
Time has lessened little pain from when the wounds were new,
When you left me with a void that nothing can undo.
I'm not completely bitter, happiness I do still feel,
Like when I think about the kisses you'll never get to steal.
Your hands were rough and worn, I still feel them on my skin,
As gentle as they were, the monster lived within.
At first it hardly showed, then slowly more and more,
And it didn't go away until it found what it craved for.
Before I could react, it was far too late,
The boy I thought I loved began to slip away.
I swear I tried to help, but I wasn't strong enough,
I couldn't save the boy I thought that I had loved.

Another time, a different face,
And a mind full of memories time can’t erase.
You’d think by now I would have learned,
When playing with fire you always get burned.
I’ve been here before; I’ve played this part,
And it’s left me with nothing but broken bits of my heart.
It’s not your fault; I’ve my own thoughts in my head,
I tried to find love but found shame instead.
And now it’s a struggle to get out of his hold,
While the truth I've denied slowly starts to unfold.
My hopes were too high, my expectations too low,
What your intentions were is something I’ll never know.
I knew he’d never love me, and the same goes for you,
But being naïve made me think it was true.
So the next time I’m looking into lying eyes,
I’ll let myself wander back into time.
I’ll remember the lesson you’ve both taught me here,
That falling in love is something to fear,
Trusting hands are misguiding and angels can lie,
And remember to never look into their eyes,
For they **** you in and won’t spit you out,
Until you’re beaten and bruised and are crying for help.
Even then it’s impossible to truly be free,
Because forever they’ll live in your memories

Why do you do this to me, he's falling in love, while I fall to my knees.
I get so close to forgetting, and it happens so fast,
You bring back a memory of my once happy past.
I try so hard to move on, but I'm frozen in place.
And I can feel the words I've been hiding, written on my face.
Please, just let go of my heart, I was so close to the end and now I can't find the start.
I know that once I get stronger, you'll beat me again.
Nostalgia, you're the most unwanted friend.