never thought about cutting before
never thought that it would have to come to that.
I guess I was wrong.
not sure how or where I would do it.
not sure if I would be able to handle
the pain
the marks
my nails are long
sharp
thought it would work
I tried to dig,
tried to break through
my skin
nothing!
only a mark
a red line
appearing on my wrist
to fade away
or
become deeper
-te

why is my breathing so heavy
and my stomach in pain
why do I feel nauseous
and not feel sane.
my body so weak
its so hard to move
-te

I have been sitting here for an hour
trying to figure out what to write
I've been sitting here crying
not knowing why
I have been sitting here tapping my fingers on the keyboard
like a crazy person trying to write a good poem
I'm avoiding people's messages
I'm avoiding listening to music
just to write a good poem
but this is all I got.

I don't want to know you do that
I don't want to know that you feel like you hate your life so much you hurt yourself
it kills me inside to know something like that
it kills me even more to know that we're an hour apart and im not able to get to you and just hug you
give you a big hug
tell you everything will be better
you can get through this
one person can change your life
but you decide
a good or bad change.
make it a good one
and continue on.
-te

your eyes are like black holes
they reel me in and there is no way of getting out
I stare deeply into the black holes and know that there will be
no escape
somehow my arms are around your neck
your hands around my waist
I open my eyes and see those black holes are covered
its my turn to stop this
I push you away
but
the black holes appear again
I appear back wrapped around you
feeling trapped
-te

i need you
i need you now
the only one who understood
the only one who stayed
things might have changed
but i still love you.
-te

never felt what you're going through
but im trying to help
you always help me
its my turn to help you
sorry i give bad advice
sorry im not much help
but unlike others
i do care
i care about you
i care about what you do
i care about everything that has to do with you
and if me saying
"wow, im sorry, i know im not much help, but lets just get away from here"
isnt enough
then im sorry.
-te

this time at night
everynight
i get like this
depressing thoughts
tears running down my face
stuffy nose
its like a routine
over and over
day by day
some days its better then others
but others
are horrible.
-te

these thoughts
sweeping
over
my brain
taking over
taking the controls
making everything seem
impossible
no ambition
no worth
everything
s l o w l y
drowning out of me
until two words are left
"why me"
-te

why stress about all the regrets
when we can smile for just a little while
dont use the word hate
knowing everything will turn out great
forget about the pain
and the depressing rain
the pouring tears
and countless fears
take it all away
your days aren't so grey
there's colour in the sky
no need to cry
a new perspective is always needed
the scars and wounds become treated.
one change makes a big difference
it gives us some independance.
-te

Its sad I'm not able to tell you everything
Everything about what's going on
How sad I've been lately
How I feel every night
How much I want to cry
The reason why I want to be alone
Or the opposite
And always want someone by my side
Its sad that we're best friends and I'm still not able to exactly tell you how I feel.
Its really sad.
-te

I want to cry
But not die
I want to hurt
But not alert
I want to be noticed
The attention I seek
Has been wanted for more then a few weeks
To notice me
To see if you care
Care about me at all
-te

I know its wrong
I still continue
I know its wrong
I still want it
I know its wrong
But I still end up making my way towards your lips
Kissing gently then intensely
With only thinking
I know I should stop
-te

my lips crave for yours
my fingers tingle for your touch
to feel your skin
bring you closer
and tighter
until there is no space inbetween us
our lips compressed
hands around my waist
every bad thought auto matically gets erased
i need your touch right now
i need your kisses
all over my body
my lips
my neck
my arms and stomach
showering me in soft kisses
while i lay there in silence
i lay there thinking about how much i want and need this
you make me feel better
thats all i need
those soft kisses
those hands on my body
to make me feel wanted
-te

the breeze outside
makes me just want to ride
ride all the way up into the sky
where there is no need to cry
stand on a cloud
feeling proud
the accomplishments
and prizes
the wonderful surprises
the happiness i need to embrace
brings a grin to my face
light mist from the air comes down on me
making my body feel so free
i move onwards to the joyful times
and laughable signs
overlooking this life i've created
those times i waited
got frustrated
paid off into something wonderful
-te

why did we want to get older?
thinking there would always be a shoulder
to lean on when things go wrong
but all we do is try to stay strong.
so many dissapointments
and let downs
we just feel like our feelings are being drowned.
only some stay
making things not so gray
our young years brang so much laughter
and happily ever afters
not knowing what was to come
wishing for the past to be back
not expecting this stressful attack
-te

Why do I feel like this,
like i've lost all my bliss.
To tired to talk,
and just wanting to walk.
Wanting to walk all the way down,
down to the ground, where no one can see ;
all of this pain inside of me.
I know I should feel more alive,
And that this society is so easy to survive,
but I'm not able to fake something that is not there,
to fake that everyone loves you with care.
People say to let yourself be who you want to be,
but if there are friends holding you back,you aren't able to see..
The chances you miss out on,
and the regrets you make.
Are just things to put you down, and feel like you're about to break.
Don't let pain blur your sight,
while you take this journey of a wild flight.
-te