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Alyssa Baugh Sep 2018
Looking for a way out of
this    
hell
There is an exit and I'm running towards is
full    
Speed
I will taste
Freedom
Alyssa Baugh Sep 2018
Its 2:23 AM
Sleep wont find me
Comfort will not find me
Loss has become an extra arm
that's grown from my heart
To punch my soul
Looking up to the night sky
I keep asking why
Alyssa Baugh Aug 2018
Today my goal is to
                    eat and shower.
disassociate from the lack of sleep.
My mind singing a mantra of random
                                              nothings.
Clattering around like pans.
I don't feel real anymore.
Everything's so blurry and distant.
Never able to attain
                               anything.
Inconsistency is my middle name.  
You'll never know who ill be the next day.
self mutilation is my favorite hobby.
whatever it is i want it to hurt at least a little.
The Ice Cold Burn.
Pushing my self to the edge to see what waits below.
The journey i travel is treacherous.
surprises are lovely but there are hardly any pleasant ones.

The morning assaults my eyes.
your seeing through my facade.
but don't sweat it
                 I see through yours too.
Alyssa Baugh Aug 2018
I feel so alone.
I thought loneliness and I were well acquainted.
We've even shared secret handshakes.
Growing older i've become even more desolate.
That's my fault.
Isolated in my head.
separation
                   from
self
don't want her back.
Looking for a new Alyssa
one who doesn't smoke so much
one who doesn't seek comfort from others.
One who is fundamentally happy.
the
Unattainable.
Alyssa Baugh Aug 2018
just 30 minuets ago
a set of needles dug their way
across
my canvas skin
inking into it
a  
beautiful scar.
Slicing my skin until I see beauty
This is where i find my solace
This is where i bow my head and embrace the most sincere form of mutilation .
already gone the echo still lingers.
I'm still hungry.
I need more stimulation to feel alive to today.
Alyssa Baugh Aug 2018
Tears collect in my eyes
As i spoke my sorrow
This pain goes deep
i cant explain it
Its this constant ache
In my soul, if those are real
If forgiveness worked id do it.
Acceptance : moving forward
From this mess my only salvation
Alyssa Baugh Aug 2018
I taste sunlight today.
I enjoy every drip
for i know its fleeting
just like our breathing.

You smile at me
suddenly the Void
is
gone.
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