Someday someone
will love me like they do in the summer
even when the snow falls.

He's the king of mixed signals
He's the master of deception
His gentle touch says "I'm a protector"
But his words declare "Stay back, I'm a predator"

His blue eyes are soft but his heart, not enough
He says "relationships are worthless" and I'm calling his bluff
And I'm just waiting for you to believe what you already know

I know you're scared and I am too..
But after all we've been through
What do we have to lose?

I'm trying to forget but
Every creak of a
Door
Is the sound
of your apartment's
Stairs and
When I step into the
February night
The only coldness I
Feel comes from the
Chills
Going down my
Spine as your hand
Rests on my
Neck
Gently tapping at my
Collar bone

I've never felt so
Poisoned, My senses
Never so robbed

How much blood
can fit inside the hole in a guitar
the highway was your stage
three words
that meant about as much as your favorite song
on repeat the time
you first told me
I was talking over
the music.
Five in the afternoon and all the world was
sleeping
on a Sunday
I lay,
palms facing up,
away from a mattress stained with
sweat.
By day
by night
only one tear
fell
when out loud was muttered:
you turned my eyes to red
with smoke
and blood
but whats the difference?
a day off my life
just a day
get the **** over it Lil.

The shadows of love become the ghosts of the past
Found only in the smells trapped between your sheets
Friendships fade into nothingness leaving so little trace
You can hardly believe they were real
Times do change and people grow up
But every so often, someone gets left behind
Cigarette after cigarette just biding their time
Until they can again find meaning in life

Dear daddy,
there's a box full of letters under my bed
I wrote them to you but kept them in my head
For reasons a little more than "left unsaid"
No, I can't communicate with the dead
Paper doesn't reply
And if it could,
It wouldn't compare to the conversations between you and I
You were inspiring and wonderful
Did you know that, daddy?
You were brave so that we were comfortable
In a house with safety that still survives
To me, you've never died
And every time I say that you have,
I feel that I've lied
In my dreams, you're still real
A body I can hug,
A person I can feel
But when I wake up,
you are gone again
And I'm struggling...I am
Because I lost my best friend
We were getting closer, weren't we?
Things were getting better, weren't they?
I know everything happens for a reason,
or at least that's what they say
But I can't find a reason to take a man's life
Though I can find a reason to use this knife...
But I'm stronger than that, and maybe that's why
Good people must go, even the best must die
I might've lost my dad, but I won't lose this fight

Dear daddy, you should know that I'm much stronger now
I'm falling apart but I stand tall somehow
And it hurts every day, and we all still cry
But you had to go, and even though I don't know why
I know that there's a reason behind your leaving
I know that there's a reason I was the one to find you'd stopped breathing
I know there's a reason for October 15th
I know I don't know that reason,
But I'm getting closer, I think.

All this time
I have thrown around this label
My tendency to observe my surroundings
Searching for answers in every action, every move
I used to think I was a wallflower
A extroverted wallflower
who simultaneously was a social butterfly
but I am not this, I am not this at all  
I am a writer

Electric star shining by day
Come night, she'll surely tuck her self away
within the folds of a torn trench coat
Layered deeply beneath hidden pockets
Withholding all the gems of the universe
Much too modest to twinkle and wink
At wide-eyed watchers from down below
In their eyes screams the pain, and echoes the pleas
Through countless wishes and requests
For miracles.. for beginning anew
Her coat pockets are deep but not many
And these precious gems
Are few and rare
Only the song of the full moon, can draw her into the darkness
where shell tuck into a little  corner
of the blanketed stars
Electric star, sheds her cloak
To come gaze at the moon
face shining of wishes and hope