I have reached an impasse
on life's path
an immovable mass
I'm standing still whilst people are running past
if this was a race I would already be last
I cannot force myself to go on any more
and yet cannot return the way I came
as my feet are rooted to the floor
so I just remain the same.

Feels like I'm on a stage
re-enacting the same scene
when I just want to turn the page
it should be over
has been
and gone
like a worn out song
that goes on and on
stuck on repeat
the same old beat
same moves
same shuffle of feet.

Caught between a rock and a hard place
stalled in life's race
travelling at a snails pace
at twenty nine
it's hard to define
why I still have this childish mentality
at some point I must face reality
yet I cannot go forward
because of a mental block
so things remain awkward
and now I have stopped.

I tried to let you go so many times
but your very existence is woven into mine
you are written between every line
will I ever find all the words to explain
this sensation called love by any other name
I love video games and chocolate
and other miscellaneous objects
but what I really love is none of these things
when I compare them to you
for everything else pales in comparison
like seeing the world all a new
you have become the light to my eye
the sun that shines through darkened sky
the very life that will never die
you are the breath in my lungs
what's left of my song.

In reality this poem is just a mirage
an illusion  of what really is
for what is can never be imagined
it can't be captured by a thought
or ever held in just a feeling.
What really is
what you are
is love.

So I can never let you go
as I never had you to begin with
you were my illusion
because you are love
you left me as confusion
because you are love
you are a paradox
we are a pair of socks
but one is missing
I am the odd sock
this is the unsolvable riddle
the one that will always get lost
a maze that starts and ends in the middle.
*This is love.
God is love.
You are love.
I am love.
We are love.

I am a soldier of fortune
but my fortune is not ruin
or even gold
it's life that I hold
in my hands
as a soldier of God
I stand before you
to reveal man's duplicity
of our so called democracy's
the elected officials
yet the only thing official
is there are so many issues
with man-made governments
so many wars
and so much poverty
another lost cause
for all to see.

I have no allegiance to parliaments
and presidents
or the flags they fly
***** rags soaked in the blood of those who've died
and the tears of families left behind who cry
my only loyalty is to God and his theocracy
to expose mankind's hypocrisy
how nation rise up against nation
and man against man
for God is our only salvation
how do you not understand?
I do not need a sword and a shield
as Gods word is more powerful then anything you could wield
It has the ability to change minds
and to save lives
the ability to expose true intentions
and dispose of Satan's inventions.

Satan's sinister ploy
to cause havoc and destroy
the lives of many
that follow his worldly governments
enticed by riches of plenty
for his entertainment
like puppets on a string
they do no thinking
just further sinking
into depravity
lets pray its over soon
that God ends their blasphemy
and brings them to ruin
so I no longer have to be
a Soldier of Fortune.

I've seen it you know
the real you
I've witnessed the glow
that shines through
like sunlight
past cracked curtains
so bright
but not so certain
like a wounded bird
held tightly by God's word
I've seen your heart beat
so fast beneath the sheets
the emotions that you hide
tears like oceans, blue inside.

I told you before
that it's what you don't say
when I learn more
how you really are
not another distant star
in the nights sky
but someone real
that makes me cry
I don't mind still climbing
or waiting
for my destination
your affection
because I've seen the light
at the end of the tunnel
and its pure white perfection
As long as I see that light within
things will be all-right and I can grin
for I no longer have to give in.

Even though you try to keep it hidden
you can't stop the light
to which I am smitten
as its in plain sight
and I have been stricken.
A moment in your company
is worth a million elsewhere
if only you were next to me
then I wouldn't have a care.
In some ways you already are
that even though you're so far away
your forever here to stay
in my heart.

You thought you reached the final stage
but I know there's at least another page
which is yet unwritten
call it a dream or vision
but I know
because I've seen the real you
the one that glows.

They say we all evolved
that life's mystery has been solved
but I don't have fins so I can swim
nor can I fly with outstretched wings
yet still they say its evolution
the one and only true solution
or is there a more logical conclusion?

That we were all created from dust
and at some point all return, we must
but what as humans makes us unique?
- for its the truth we yearn to seek
Do you think a horse sits and wonders of its course?
- of why its turned into burgers without remorse
A fly doesn't question why
it eats **** for breakfast and doesn't cry.

How man can stand fully upright
and has unique eyesight
with our colour vision
and the vision to understand future decisions
taste buds to experience every flavour
morality to conduct our very behaviour
that we clothe ourselves to hide our shame
or reason things with our extraordinary brains
Did you know that only humans blush?
- or have the desire to live our lives plush.
So think for a moment isn't it logical to assume
that we were all created and not from a big boom!

She sells her body to strangers
for a hot meal and a cup of coffee
sometimes they don't even pay her
sometimes its just for free
all so she can escape
her reality.

Standing on street corners
between lost and abandoned
a friend tried to warn her
but never had she fathomed
it would turn out like this
from her lemonade stand
to giving it away with a kiss
picked up by another man
she's reminded of her father
on his finger is a band
as he wraps his arms around her
the odour is overpowering
his body weight
and laboured breathing
its getting late
she must be leaving
to another bed where she sleeps alone
and nightmares await
of old men's groans
she's no ones baby girl
an adult at only seventeen
her grandmother said she was a pearl
but how can she forget the things she's seen
worn down to a piece of grit
by a thousand grubby hands
she's been abused and hit
this tiny piece of sand
someone so insignificant
that no one will remember
a boy told her she was heaven sent
right before he used her.

She's become numb to the words
she's become numb to their touch
there's no place left in this world
its all become to much
so she closes her eyes
for one last time
and heads to the sky
where they can never find.

I've written so many words
but never found the right ones
to pen how special you were
now they no longer spill from my tongue
as I have been rendered mute
to know there will be no more sun
and the hearts have all changed suit.

This final verse hangs on deaths ears
like autumn leaves that fall
what remains now are the tears
and these words penned by a fool
I tried my best to appreciate
but Cupids bow was drawn too late
now this heart has become a *****
to dig its own shallow grave
at least they will lie together
and rue fates final endeavour.