I don't really care that you're not my man.
I still have symptoms from the loss of us holding hands.
I think how this could have been
and would I do it the same or over again.
You're only allowed one love in this life time.
In my next life, ill make it right
Ill come back four years later and less of a hater.
Ill still make him say "**** I want to date her."
Until then, please understand
you're still above most,
and I'm still your biggest fan.

On this cold floor,
I am nothing but your interpretation.
In this bed,
I am but a canvas for you to work on.
I am not amused by this,
but a muse by nature.
A force of art.
A possible goddess if you allow it.

On this Cold morning,
you are nothing but my interpretation.
In this bed,
you are but a means to keep me warm.
You are not amused by me,
but confused by nature.
A body for me to lay on.
A possible future if I allow it.

But today,
On this cold floor,
I am everything.
Everything but obscure.

My favorite quote by Marianne Williamson

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

You who sleeps have forsaken me.
When your sacred bodies drift into R.E.M,
I am protector of the night.
When malignant sorcerers
come for your souls,
I am dragging their wretched shadows back to the underworld.
Honor me for I am truly divine.

You who slumbers have forgotten me.
Fear not my deathly stare.
My eyes are the navigators into the murky darkness,
where no man will ever see it's depths, and
when we cross paths,
salute me in your dreams.
It is then that you will truly recognize a wizard in disguise.

You who hibernates before morning will hear my calling.
Let it serenade you,
so that I may continue to speak in the language of trees and moon.
So that I may continue to fly effortlessly to the east,
assuring the sun will rise for you again.
You who is oblivion shall not wake.
And when you do,
respect me by cherishing the light,
for I am protector of the night.

It can be a beautiful thing.
If only the lonely could see.
You are invisible, but it's clear to us,
so soon forgotten, yet we remember
how much tomorrow needs you.
You could be someone's true beauty,
If only we loved things truly.
It won't always cast it's grin upon us,
and OH! how the mind gets cloudy.
But we will never revolt from your smile.
A smile that relinquishes energy to the sun,
giving it a brand new light,
and so many benefit from it.
You're much like an exotic bumblebee.
If only my T could see.
Infecting us with your queen like disposition,
so coy,
with no wonder of how we replenish from your deed.
If only the lonely could see.
You are a beautiful thing.

Don't let me go,
because I will not fly back to you.
When it's over,
I'm done, fenito,no mas .
Keep pushing,
and that self fulfilling prophecy
will ring loud and true in your ears.

I think I'm still in love with you.
I know this because,
like that stupid saying, I let you go.
I let you fly from my grip.
And although you've come back to me,
you're so different now.
Same tone, different smile.
It's just a new day, different style.
The problem is that you don't infect me anymore.
Your words, they dont affect people like before.
I blame you.
You let me stay gone for so long.
But life got in the way, you see.
I often remember our first time together.
I was only 14...
To make a long story short,
it was statutory for sure.
I'm hoping there will be fewer days like this.
Waiting around for our time to resurface.

Overcast today

Cloud's eyes watching me again

Rain on me, ill stay.

A desired lip will always say what it wants.
It feasts on personal gain, caring little for the needy.
Nor does it care to have mercy on an aching heart.
The wanted only seem to hold dear to them
their own interests, while
some of our most precious moments are ripped out from under us, and
it triggers an unequivocal effect of some kind.
A great consequence.
All the while thinking of what we've become.
But the answer never satisfies us,
so we just continue being ghosts in our own bodies.
We don't dare express our mood of circumstances,
in fear of being banished into solitude.
And to eternity we continue to carry on in someone else's solipsism.

You're too worried.
Just let things be.
Life is so hurried.
Just wait and you'll see.

My eyes are quite focused.
Although things have tunneled.
My daydreams on lotus.
And songs sounding funneled.

So stop worrying sweetheart.
Let life be.
Stay singing in color.
Stay dreaming of me.

If only the vivid images would translate so well
to paper as they do in my dreams,
then maybe one day,
I could paint it for you.
Maybe someday we could both relate better.
If only your scriptured words could lure me into submission,
as they do in your dreams,
then possibly you could sing a song from it.
And hopefully we can dance a little more.
Like before.

Constantly falling
There is no end
spiraling down begs to be crawling
Blackened knees
There is no end
There is only this black hole

Pull me out or let me go
Be the hero
Tomorrow ill give you my soul
Until then,
There is no end
There is only my dark hole

I had hoped my poetry would not read off my sleeve,
to be seen in a vulnerable light.

I prayed no one would notice my heart
had been beat,
and stomped into *****.

Too late.
It did.
They saw.
I'm doomed.
For life.
My thoughts,
in truth.
Goodnight.

Come on! You can do it!
Be what they want young man.
You must learn to topple over heads
in your best boots.
Sell parts of you each time
but who cares, you're the best at this.
Dignity will grow back.
You can't be some ordinary nobody.
Think of never a fair day,
you have to be that.
You'll smile a lot and mask it all.
But it's fine because, you truly are happy.
You're happy.
There are no rules,
so you can cheat to get things, to get ahead.
For survival, a head is just what you climb on.
A mere platform for success.
Be happy for yourself.
You deserve it.

I used to be someone great.
I looked up to me.
And you did.
As a man preaches the word to me,
I look past him.
He sees the deep pools of sorrow in me.
He reads me so fine and well,
but what does he know?

I used to be someone with out fear.
Now I'm scared to even remember me.
I had friends around me.
Now their motionless bodies run cold.

I used to be someone who lived a thousand times,
but you would never know by my smile.
A smile that takes an eternity to surface.
So I wait for another life to be someone.
Someone great again.

I never go backwards.
I mean really,
how many times can two people say goodbye?

Soon,
      
         people will ask,


                  "What is a land line for"?

One thousand years of trees will be standing
And my love for you
It will always go timber
In December,
your limbs kept me warm after dark
I remember,
A light shined so bright
We sparked.
My bearded man,
We flew, at best,
and into history went the rest
Unless, Even if,
One million years of trees stood standing limber
My love for you,
it would always go timber.

And I'm just trying


               to make sense


                                   of it all.

It's about time someone sees me.
In my  poor sullen  efforts to give up,
you saw my broken wings.
You said they glowed in the night.
I had dreams of being chosen.
Chosen to fly to you.
Finally ,
a being worth more than lust.
Only he recognizes the purpose
of my creation.
It was so magical,
the way our true selves transformed
into one light.
Shining simultaneously.
It is to keep us lit
through dark times. In a whisper,
they will come.
I felt it just then my love.
It sang a melody far greater
than any love song.
It was real.
It's about time someone needs me.
Finally,
feelings of my heart lifted.
Any higher,
it would burn next to the sun.
But, what is pain,
if I'm with you.

After the cold war,
you pressed your fingertips
on my back to get warm.
With respect to those tender moments,
I couldn't be some casualty.
I refused to be.
I'd rather die on the battlefield.

Dark times
Coming around again.
Wet face
The only way to sleep again.
My heart has traveled in
Dark waters
Coming up for air,
Nothing but rain again.
Afraid of the silence
Lonliness back again.
This never ending road.
Aching soles again
Taking shots
Shooting pains through me
Bullet proofing
Vest wearing days again
On my knees ,
calling out
Time to repent again
Throwing rocks and
Ruptured housing
Glass in pieces again
Soaked up the gin
Im so so lost again
Trying to get out of it
Too late
Sinning again.

Just focus on the word.
It's been said to you.
So you've already used the sense of hearing.
Maybe it's been read to you.
When you see it, love connects to the brain,
using an abundance of senses now.
You visualize love.
I'm talking to you there.
Don't forget to write Love down.
Study its form.
Express it, put it into action.
You'll remember it better that way.

There is someone inside of me.
Soaking up Gin.
Basking in sin.
Believe me
it's not I that's living this life.
And i think i had a one-night-kiss.
It was glorious.
There i was sat in his car,
Listening to Nina sing about sin.
Which started at my lips.
Breathing on me, kissing my cheek,
He rubbed his lips on my chin,
and tickeled them down to my neck,
Like "what the heck".
Is he doing this foreal.
Then like a theif in the night,
never to be heard from again.

Thoughts of him haunt me,
in my sleep,
infecting my dreams.
His entity hovers over me,
while fondling my secret places.

Unrecognizable features
become familiar to me,
but I can't see him.
The cloud is too thick,
and there is smoke every where.

I know it's him.
His smell pierces my nose,
like ammonia.
Wet lips are moving in front of me,
but I can't hear a sound.

Almost a nightmare,
my body is trying to wake up,
but I'm frozen.
There is something holding me down,
and there is no end in sight.

When I finally come to,
I vow never to close my eyes.
Jaded by R.E.M.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8
9, 10 never sleep again.

I respect your flow.
Truth. Do me a favor though.
Make peace. Bring rainbows.

Enter Summer! Hi how you doin?
Nice to see you again.

But, Ummm
can you perhaps bring back
the man,
whose face was not tan,
a mysterious lad.
No two o'clock shadow
No stubble
No fuzz.
Just winter in hand
and oh my bearded man.
I miss him terribly.
Stupid solstice.

I think I'm floating on a bed of stars
Casually being carried off to Mars
But at least it's not to Jupiter
Where I would become more stupider.
As if the ladder could be true though
I might just disappear like Pluto

This song makes me feel alive.
Not happy to be.
Except it questions my purpose of being.
Whatever instrument that is,
It's strumming on my head.
Telling me to wake up and live.
I just close my eyes to get closer to his voice.
The song is for me only.
He asks "are you going to save me?"
I intend to answer him on the other side of my dream.
He's there in color with no face.
But he's out of reach.
He's only there to play this song for me.
To keep me alive.

He said I always talked over him. And it annoys him. He never spoke to me like that before.
I said, "I do"?
I didn't think I was doing it, but I apologized any way.
Because that's what you do when you love someone.
But inside i was boiling with rage.
I wanted to lash out at the ANNOYING bit,
But then that would prove the very thing he's accusing me of.
Can't have that.
So I keep it inside bottled up.
I can't talk to him the same now.
Maybe my feelings were hurt.
Over the weeks i felt frozen.
Forced smiles and skipping favorite shows together.
The *** was still amazing, unfortunately
Im starting to think that's all we were good at.
All i know is something had changed.
And it hasn't been the same since.

Scared to be alone again.
Scared to be on my own.
Scared of living within.
Terrified of time wasted.
And time is scary,
Terrifying if you waste it.

6'
Brown eyes
deep voice
Killer smile
A genius
Big hands
ambition
*** in the morning
flirts in the day
blowing at midnight
repeat the previous three
for days
sexting for fun
dating
loving you
hating me
making up
bonuses
ripped *******
being still
sweating on me
sweaters on you
begging
WRITING
starting over
wasted paper
dried ink
mental blocks
using you
one more line
one more sip
One more time
just right
for me

Death is being in solitude forever.
Just you.
All this space has claimed you, there are no walls to tear down.
You will never hear another voice cry.
Or bring yourself to sing.
Because the lonliness has robbed you of a perfect pitch.
And even if you could.
There is no right word to say.
You will never leave your mark on anyone again.
The only touch you will remember is your own.
You will never smile again.
And yes, this life will age you.
What life?
Wishing you to be under 6 feet,
Waiting to be reborn.
So you can relish in beauty once again.

I have a friend named Gary, and he has been feeling a bit low during the holiday season, so i wrote a song/poem for him hoping it will cheer him up.  In my best voice, i will sing this to him at our friendsgiving.

Garyyyy
Would you like to maryyyy?
An ordinaryy.
And somewhat hairyyy!
Please will you tell mee!
Ohhhhh Garyyy.
Will you pop my cranberryyy?
Just don't be scaryy.
But i love you barelyyy.
So let's just be merryy.
And drink lots of dairyy.
On the contraryyy.
Lets just be marriieedd!
I love you Garyyy.
No, not you Larryyy.
My good friend Garryy.

You're the type of person that wakes up before light,
because you refuse to be ruled by the sun.
You also secretly trust no one.
From what I can tell,
and this is just someone
from the inside looking out,
your high standards in friendships often leave you sad and alone.
It makes sense why you do not let people stand behind you.
Thus, why you are always last.
You love in a way unimaginable to man,
But yet you can not seem to commit to anyone.
I wonder if it is that you don't truly love who you are. (see real definition of unconditional)
I wonder if it's because you can not see growing old with another,
Mixed with fears of aging yourself.
I suppose you would rather die alone.
Always threatening to jump ship,
So when it sinks( and it will)
you are not on it.
I can tell in your language that you just recently started loving your body.
That happens when it's being pl̶e̶a̶s̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ treasured correctly.....to be continued

I'm drowning.
Air needs me.
At lease someone needs me.
There's no one around to save me,
ever.
Not you, not them,
just misery by my side.
A few more seconds,
and it's over.
No more kicking, splashing,
or muffled screams,
just black filled lungs.
Food for the fish,
as the ocean and I become one.
Maybe it's not so bad.
Being led by the moon.
Digressing by nature.
Ascending!
Only to crash again.

Too many things that can't be explained.
It can fill a room up with questions.
My suggestion,
it's unexplained and out of body.
Like matter in confined space,
and human spieces.
But what matters is we find peace,
and as a matter of thesis,
how do we pick up the pieces?