Sometimes I feel ancient.
As if I have witnessed the birth
of our galaxy.
Sometimes I feel as if
I'm playing Hide and Seek
with myself.
The present me
hides from my ancient self.
Because when my ancient self
finds me
and turns her wise eye
in the direction of humanity
she is saddened by the state of herself.
How did we get so disillusioned?
How did we become so selfish and
glutinous?
When did we appoint ourselves Kings and Queens
of the Earth
which cries beneath our feet?
I remember a time
when I moved freely with my fellow man.
When we knew that We were the gift
Given to the Earth.
The gardeners.
The caretakers.
Only taking what we need and nothing more.
Freeing up our time
in order to truly expand our minds.
Our evolution has been stunted.
And I feel ancient.
I found you.
And I must say,
I'm a little disappointed.

You gave me hope.
You showed me magic.
You helped me believe
in fairy tales, mermaids, and dreams.
At the same time
you gave me
an unrealistic idea
of what True Love is supposed to be.
You showed me misery,
pain, loss, suffrage, Death.
Even the resurrection of a princess.
I got the best kind of reality check
when we lost Her
and knew we'd never get her back.
You gave me innocence.
Then prepared me for the day
when it'd be taken away.
So I wasn’t surprised by it.
So I'd hit the ground running.
Running towards that
Hopefully somewhat Happily Ever After
and Far Far Away
from that Once upon a time...
Yours is the art
of subtle, sensitive, desensitization.
And I'm thankful for it.
Thankful I got
the subliminal message.
“Innocence doesn’t last forever kid.
Life is full of pain
and dark, foreboding woods.
Happiness can never be eternal.
It would lose it's meaning
and the light at the end of the tunnel
would just fade into the tunnel”

Listen to someone play the cello
In between the notes
As their fingers move up or down the cords
It sounds like the instrument
Takes a breath.

I've been wondering.
When did i become so cynical?
I used to be the definition of an optimist.
I don't want to lose it
But it's hard to maintain
Such a sunny disposition
When most people just want rain.
I mean really?
What's the point?
I feel like I've explored every in
Every out
Every and any explanation
I could get my mind around
When the truth of it is
Your life *****.
Therefore my life must also ****
And if it doesn't
You'll see to it that,
While you're around,
It does.
Or could it be
That because I'm part of the lower lower class
I'm somehow subhuman?
Because I make you fat food
For your FAT FACE
I'm lesser than you?
Really?
I'm trying so hard
To not turn out like you.
But, to be honest,
You people are wearing me thin.
I'm not sure how much I can take
Before I rip apart
And blow away with the wind.

I dismantled my wardrobe
Now it sits naked like me
Hangers rattle in a draft
Like bones strung up in a tree.

I had a dream that I was bathing a fox covered in mud in an old antique tub.
The kind with eagle claws for feet.
When I was done I opened a window and set him down in the branches of a tree
and he took off through them, jumping from branch to branch and never looking back.
I was running with purpose down a beach.
Three others were with me.
We almost ran right into the trap they had set for us
but I saw their trick and turned us around
before the other wolves noticed us.
At least I hoped.
I walked into the Pearl Girls shop with all her homespun dresses and jewels from the ocean
The shop down the stairwell was stealing her ideas
but she couldn't leave to investigate.
She can never leave because he never comes to watch her most precious of things.
If only I knew how to make her happy.

I climb into a pink carriage pulled by a white horse.
I'm following a man all in black, in a black carriage, pulled by a black horse.
His top hat shadows his face. All I can see is his grimace.
He's hunting the wolves. My wolves.
I'll cut his throat open and let him bleed all over my white dress before I let him do that.
I must follow carefully and keep up the appearance of innocence
lure him in with my naivety. Make myself seem like easy prey,
to get close enough to sink my fangs into his throat.
I'll die before I let him hurt my brothers.