why am i so sorry for myself?
why am i filled with pity?
i guess i finally realized the trauma has eaten its way at me.
but now all i am is filled with sorry feelings and pain.
why cant i think, why is this empathy weighting at me.
i cant continue to be sorry for myself.
but all i am is pity.

trust in me.
trust in the way the leaves fall
the way the clouds move
the way the stars shine.

trust in us.
the way the world turns
the way the sun burns
the way the seasons change.

trust in the change.
the way the heart heals
the way the mind mends
the way the lungs refill.

trust in yourself.
its all you truly have
its the only things there for you always
its your canvas.

trust in you, trust in me, trust in us.
together we heal.
together we grow.
we can do it.

i feel like im drowning.
in unsaid words, unwritten poetry, unvoiced thoughts.
i can feel myself sinking into the bottom of this pit.
with my hands in shackles and my ankles tied.
im sinking.
everything echos down here.
im almost gone.
every thing is so cold.
imgone.
dont
       forget
me

i can stare at you for hours and still wonder the same things.
how such gentle hands have held up the worlds fires.
how such loving eyes have seen the worse aray of things.
how such sensitive ears have heard the worst words around.
i wonder and wonder about you.
yet you still leave me breathless

thank you for looking past the fake light in my eyes.
thank you for looking past the man made scars that graze my skin.
thank you for feeling the tension in my shoulders.
thank you for being with me.
thank you for being there.
thank you bub.
thank you.

ill forever have a piece of you, and you'll forever have a piece of me.




*******br>

sometimes my heart speaks louder than my mind.
and thats when i make the worst mistakes.

you always loved card games.
slaps, war, jacks.  you name it, we played it.
but your favorite card game was called hearts.

we dealt our love, feelings, friends. we threw them all on the table.
you had me deal my heart.

and we played.

like always, since it was your favorite, you won.
taking what was dealt on the table and walking out.

i still think about this wicked game you played. and i still think about my heart. i wonder if it beats for you, i doubt it would. but sometimes in the earlier hours if the morning ill see you.

and i can feel my old heartbeat in my fingertips, slowly drifting me off to sleep. and making me think, if part of me still longs to play the game.

i would be honored to have my heart broken by you

i find myself longing for your hands tangled with mine again.
why is it always the same time.

s
o
  m
    e
     t
      i
       m
         e
           s
p
e
  o
    p
     l
      e
c
  h
   a
    n
     g
       e

im
     sorry.

i had a dream,
you were in my arms.
our songs playing in the background.
simply melodies mixed in with giggles and deep breaths.

when i woke up i sighed,
i'm tired if your side being so cold

i never thought someones breathing patterns would become music to my ears.
i never thought not hearing someones voice would put me in physical pain.
i never thought i would admire someone like i once admired the moon.
but ya know,
there came you.

will you be the june to my johnny cash?
the tracy to my lil peep?
the kelso to my jackie?
the freddy to my carly?
the james to my alyssa?
the percy to my annabeth?

the star to my night sky.

will you?

i stare sometimes.
i take in the undefined beauty of the crowd around me.
i watch the way people gesture, the way their hands move nimbly.
i watch the people run, with every time their foot hits the ground their arms go up.
i watch people put in headphones and the way their body reacts, gently yet so strongly.  
i stare sometimes.
i find the way peoples rings fit on their hands electrifying.
i find the way peoples hands intertwine, so softly yet so intimate.
sometimes i stare,
and its not because im rude.
im just taking in the beauty of the world, and enjoying every second of it.

id put a gun in my mouth if it meant i could **** the things living in my head.
without me actually being dead.

i wish i coped with my anxiety in other ways.

i can feel my body going limp,
my sight going foggy,
im getting colder.
my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking.
its so loud, im so tired.
its only 8:53

don't let me fade away.
don't let my crimson waters flood out of me.
don't let my lungs take in the forbidden words filled with water.
don't let my heart beat for my mind.
don't let me fade away.
and if I do, don't forget me.
promise?

sometimes i fade away into empty bottles of ***,
and unsmoked cigarettes.
instead of fading away into your arms.
i find this quite sad

J'ai envie d'être aussi belle que les autres autour de moi.