sometimes my heart speaks louder than my mind.
and thats when i make the worst mistakes.

i find myself longing for your hands tangled with mine again.
why is it always the same time.

i uttered those three words.
gently, softly spoken.
it was 3 am and the only sound that drifted through the room was the rasp in my i's.
i remember you looking at me and smiling,
only to softly whisper them back to me.
thank you..
thank you for loving me.

lay me down in the middle of a field, covered in primroses and lavender poppies.
let the sun wash me over and the clouds cover me gently.
allow the bugs and birds to sing me their simple songs.
cover me in the simplicity of nature till the sun falls.
i want to be one with the earth and live ever more.

its been awhile since you've heard from me
                              
                                                  ive missed you.

its like we're stranger now, just walking around with each others secrets.
                                                i wish we werent.

maybe ill see you around sometime. we can get coffee if you want.

                                               i wont. but i can hope so

i miss you. come back to me.

                                              i love you.

*the number you have dialed is no longer in service.

trust in me.
trust in the way the leaves fall
the way the clouds move
the way the stars shine.

trust in us.
the way the world turns
the way the sun burns
the way the seasons change.

trust in the change.
the way the heart heals
the way the mind mends
the way the lungs refill.

trust in yourself.
its all you truly have
its the only things there for you always
its your canvas.

trust in you, trust in me, trust in us.
together we heal.
together we grow.
we can do it.

never in a million years did i think i would meet an angel like you.
with silky hair, and devilish blue eyes.
i couldn't get enough of you.

but as time went on i realized you were a fallen angel. something deprived of the devil.
your kisses were lukewarm, your heart was frozen,
and the only thing you ever did with me was tear my heart out and rip into thousands of threads.
you were once an angel, fallen from grace.

so now, i hope you rot in the depths of hell for all of eternity.

like the devil you've become.

you cant water dead flowers,
itll only drown them.

why am i so sorry for myself?
why am i filled with pity?
i guess i finally realized the trauma has eaten its way at me.
but now all i am is filled with sorry feelings and pain.
why cant i think, why is this empathy weighting at me.
i cant continue to be sorry for myself.
but all i am is pity.

i feel like im drowning.
in unsaid words, unwritten poetry, unvoiced thoughts.
i can feel myself sinking into the bottom of this pit.
with my hands in shackles and my ankles tied.
im sinking.
everything echos down here.
im almost gone.
every thing is so cold.
imgone.
dont
       forget
me

im rotting away in this hell of mine

you always loved card games.
slaps, war, jacks.  you name it, we played it.
but your favorite card game was called hearts.

we dealt our love, feelings, friends. we threw them all on the table.
you had me deal my heart.

and we played.

like always, since it was your favorite, you won.
taking what was dealt on the table and walking out.

i still think about this wicked game you played. and i still think about my heart. i wonder if it beats for you, i doubt it would. but sometimes in the earlier hours if the morning ill see you.

and i can feel my old heartbeat in my fingertips, slowly drifting me off to sleep. and making me think, if part of me still longs to play the game.

i stare sometimes.
i take in the undefined beauty of the crowd around me.
i watch the way people gesture, the way their hands move nimbly.
i watch the people run, with every time their foot hits the ground their arms go up.
i watch people put in headphones and the way their body reacts, gently yet so strongly.  
i stare sometimes.
i find the way peoples rings fit on their hands electrifying.
i find the way peoples hands intertwine, so softly yet so intimate.
sometimes i stare,
and its not because im rude.
im just taking in the beauty of the world, and enjoying every second of it.

i would be honored to have my heart broken by you

id put a gun in my mouth if it meant i could **** the things living in my head.
without me actually being dead.

J'ai envie d'être aussi belle que les autres autour de moi.

thank you for looking past the fake light in my eyes.
thank you for looking past the man made scars that graze my skin.
thank you for feeling the tension in my shoulders.
thank you for being with me.
thank you for being there.
thank you bub.
thank you.

i had a dream,
you were in my arms.
our songs playing in the background.
simply melodies mixed in with giggles and deep breaths.

when i woke up i sighed,
i'm tired if your side being so cold