for it wasnt you who broke me.
the only fault found is on my own hands.
i broke myself trying to love you, not the other way around. and i do greatly apologize.

ive never been one to feel
but when your arms wrapped around me i saw the whole universe in my eyes
i saw the stars collide
i saw the oceans currents fold into one another
i saw the planets orbit
i saw the world in its pure and most beautiful form
thank you

if i have to stand in the pouring rain waiting for you, so be it.
but you better bring a **** umbrella its getting cold.

youre drifiting
through a timeline in space, dotting the lines with your love for me, for him, for them, for her.
youre drifiting
leaving remnants of your lovers fingerprints within you
youre drifting,
just promise me you wont leave me stranded in the stars

i love like a cannibal,
allowing myself to swallow people whole
encompassing them in my being.
i let them sit in the curves of my ribs and and rest their head against my lungs.
maybe i love to hard

theres a road, i always drive past. full of cars, trees and bushes.
the wind always rustles and the trees always shake.
but the part that stands out is a little red and yellow playground.
stained by shoe souls, and childhood memories.
memories of a first kiss, a first fist fight, a first song, a finale hug.
a tiny playground, surrounded by woodchips and empty sonic cups.
lay abandoned, scattered with past memories.

i hope to one day spend the cold and empty nights in the fullness of your arms.
i hope to look you in the eyes and declare my undying love to you.
i hope to one day shift through the sands of time letting you look at every individual grain.
i hope to love you until the everdying enternity.
i hope to be yours forever.

i will drown myself in grief
heavy rocks weighting me down to the ocean floor
i will drown
in the knowledge that i am no longer what you want

till the days i dont have to feel sad songs in the pit of my stomach.
till the days i can look outside and see the world as something other than withered.
till the days i can breath without the wheeze.
i will continue to tell you im okay,
cause thats all im allowed to be.

youll pull me along, through the dust, the heat, the cold, through the world
and no matter the pain, the blood spilling down my arms
the rope burns across my fingers
ill hold on.
ill always hold on

if only i could hold you while the sky slowly bleeds unto sunrise.
if only i could kiss your forehead as you softly breath into my chest.
if only i could pull you close to me in the early hours of the morning.
if only i could love you the way i want to, the way i need to.
i just wanna love you, because thats all im living for.

i tend to get upset when people misunderstand me,
and when they cant truly read me as a human being.
but then i remember i made myself this way.
i built these walls up around my soul brick by brick.
i pulled the veil over my heart to make everyone turn away.
i am my own worst enemy

you can smoke me away in empty boxes of marlboros,
or drown out my words in jameson.
but no matter how much **** you shove down your throat to forget me,
my shadow will always be imprinted in the back of your mind.
and my name will never leave your drunken tongue.

the best way i can describe your skin against mine is of flower petals
soft, gentle, comforting
the way your body incapsulates me is that of a rose
beautiful and taunting
you always wondered why i called you my wildflower
maybe this will help

i sailed across the seven seas looking for you.
i captured sirens and monsters, hoping to find a part of your heart.
i watched the waves turn my stomach into swirling pits of nothingness, painting the seas green and blue.
i thought you said you loved the ocean..?
i thought you loved me, yet you keep me as a castaway

deep within the ocean, only secrets lie.
the marine life will hear them,
whispers carried in the currant.

a lonely world, that must be.
to only live within secrets.
small promises whispered beneath moonlit sands,
hands clasped in the darkness.
kisses shared beneath stars.

secrets that travel beneath sea level.
infecting the waters with unfulfilled words and pleas.
a whole world of darkness,
deep in the depths.

where our secret still lies.

i can see
feel
touch
sense you.
but youre gone
forever
and ever
gone
and
in the ground.
why can i feel you  
talking
breathing
lurking.
youre here
arent you
please
dont hurt me.

i’m good enough to be taken in heaping handfuls
to be displayed
to be ******.
but never will i be good enough to sing to
to hold
to be loved.

Something smelled like you today.
The breeze carried your smile and your laugh straight to my sinuses and clogged them in unrequited love and whispered promises spoken in dimly lit rooms.
I had to strain against the weight of your soft kisses and tight hugs that made my knees start to give way.
The warm summer air seemed to taunt me in that moment, knowing the very scent of you could make me weak.
That it could wreck the cartilage that stood fortified in my knees and held me up so highly.
Something smelled like you today,
Or maybe it was just my senses playing a trick on me.
Either way, youre whispered in the breeze. A slowly forgotten memory.

i try my best to write my emotions into simple phrases, constructed of beautiful rhymes and rhythms.
but if im being honest my head is full of raging fires and hurricanes.
yet,
the only part that makes sense is my love for you.

step 1. cry into the abyss. scream until your lungs ache and your ribs bruise. beg, plead, pray, and whimper to a god that hasnt listened to your prayers since you were a child.
step 2. stare at the ceiling while you sit in agony, wonder if this feeling will ever go away. replay every happy memory in the back of your mind until you can almost feel their touch burning your skin
step 3. fall asleep in a heap on the bathroom floor, with tears staining your skin and chills covering your entire body. its to cold to sleep there, but you wont move.
step 4. repeat the last three steps every night until you are only a shell of your former self. a hollowed out piece of flesh and bone. shine a flashlight against your chest and watch as the hole in your heart glows
step 5. finally become human after months of rotting into your own prison. do your laundry, the smell reminds you of them. hold back the tears that sting against your eyelids.
step 6. hangout with your friends, force yourself to smile. laugh out a dry heaving laugh, look at your feet when your friends look at you funny
step 7. sit on your bathroom floor and relive the past, hold your knees to your chest as you do. it feels like a hug, but its not. its only your cold arms.
step 8. go outside, watch the sunrays dance around the trees. smile, a genuine smile. god its been forever, hasnt it. soak up those rays. tell your mom about your good day
step 9. put all their clothes into a box, purge your room of any memories you had of them. dye your hair, pierce your nose, reclaim the person you lost.
step 10. laugh again and move on.

we laid in my bed until the early hours of the morning,
tracing the constellations of our love on to my ceiling.
but now i sit, staring endlessly at a ceiling full of constellations,
and no one to trace them with.

you left again.
leaving throw about memories and open wounds upon my skin
you scratched my insecurities into my chest
you tore the air from my lungs
you pushed my into my knees and laughed at my tears.
even after all this
you still expected me to cater to your aching heart.
and i ******* did

i cant keep hanging by your noose.
im tired of not being able to breath.
so go on and give your best to someone else.
they can get the best of you.
give them your all and slowly strangle them too.
im getting tired of starting again, so im done.
i refuse.

forever chasing after something uncatchable.
forever tripping over my own two feet.
pitiful.

no matter how much i ponder the thought of forgetting you,
it still reminds me of you.
which makes it quite hard to forget

"you cant love someone until you love yourself"
*******.
i loved you more than ive ever thought to even love myself.
and god you made it seem so easy to love someone like me, so i started.
and now im in love with two people, you and me.
what a beautiful life it is

we are roses.
time passes and we grow, adding on petal after petal.
thorns cut through us and we wither away.
yet we are roses.
slowly growing into something so beautiful people cant avert their eyes.
the thorns dull and the petals bloom.
because we are simply roses.
blooming in the moonlight and,
we are beautiful.

so lets smoke some more, and wash away the night.
cause no matter what i do,
ill never be alright.

i’m not sure who you love
who you give your light to
who your eyes shine for
but i know it’s not me

this place will always reside.
this place of love shown in
scrolls down the beach,
feral cats on my brothers street,
hugs when we first meet,
tear stains on my sheets.
this place will always be here,
just come back home and we can nurture it together

im addicted to you.
so please, give me a taste of your lips.
i cant live through these withdrawls.