just one day
stands between us

just one sleep
with dreams of you

just one more
day

then

what

toxic blood
toxic breath
toxic you
toxic death

imagining
something new
something wonderful
something with you

and
one day

maybe

it’ll be true

i'm searching
aimlessly
even though
i know where
to find
you

now that
we both know

it suddenly
seems
more sad
more lonely

too real

you stopped
short of the line

that i desperately wanted
you to cross

i'll still
wait
a little longer

i like flipping tables
and
i know you do, too

but
do me a favor
and don't flip ours

watching you
again
walking away
run
run
to her
and so
please
stop
talking like
you’re
coming back

i know i lied

but
so
did
you

(now i know)

and you tried
to make me
the villain

so
****
you

the reality
we allow

the reality
we need

i'm stuck
in between

shock
subsides

brings
acceptance
from
knowing

confidence
in next

you're my dream

i'm not sure
if this is the kind of dream

that can be real
or that can never be real

i know
we will be ok
but
right now
i’m not ok

my feelings
of despair
muted
pint after pint

you are
my entitlement
ownership
spread from my heart
connections
i cannot control
future
inevitable

moments of
clarity
that bear
no fruit

the look in
your eyes
that i thought
was
the truth

i said
to you
that i can see
enough
to avoid
this

but i guess
i am still
not
strong enough
to avoid
this

the wind is deafening
no one is near
we held hands again
and kissed by the pier

we are a photo
we are a memory
destined for something
yet not meant to be

together
we walked back to the beach
and
replayed that one time

but
you're not mine
you're not mine
you're not mine

working through
grief
of us

starting to see
a blue sky
where my freedom
purifies me

where the air
i breathe
is nourishing

where i
am
me

i think
you don't want me
but
you're too **** to admit

that this was just
something
you saw as a game
because
i'm
not
real
to
you

your words
like music

your voice
is mute

my ears
yearn

do you still read me
and see me
even though
i said
you don't need
me

i know
who you are
to me
and i want to
just

say it

openly

share it
with everyone

celebrate it
and
live it

with you

how can i be
so happy
and also
so very sad?

i'm
repeating
a pattern
predicted
and pointed

spiraling
forever
in and out
of your life

until

thank you,
cruel teacher,
for
setting
me
free