so, wait a minute.

are you leading me?
or am i leading you?

i don't know
what to hope for anymore
except
an answer

saved all of my tears
until they burned
and i became nothing

those drops of water
sliding across the glass
feel like
the tears
i won't let myself cry

today
i feel the freshness of truth
on my lips
waiting to spill out

unfortunately
this vision
of my future

doesn't include you

in your mind
how long
does this
go on?

our love
makes me a liar

my questions
emerge
burn away
the fog

the mystery
of our future

beauty in uncertainty
but
peace
in understanding

relentless things:

time
truth
love

does a dying mind
have worries of the past?

will regret
follow me
into the next life?

and if so
will it be
because i did
or did not?

my feelings
are not a secret
so
they shouldn't be
a surprise

the words flow up
toward my mouth

my lips have never spoken them

but i've said them a thousand times

no word
no phrase

can conquer
the depth

of this

why does it feel
like i can see you better
with my eyes closed?

i think
you're just someone
who tolerates me

but

i'm not sure
there is anyone else
who would

awake
asleep

i dream in both

escaping my reality

day
& night

my body is scared
of something
my mind
doesn't yet know

infinite stars
light my sky

hiding your darkness
hiding mine

everything i do
a calculated attempt
of an escape
from
pretty much
everything

i am a work of art
imperfect
in motion

my canvas changes with time
people leave marks
experiences in many hues

everyone sees me
only you understand

i can't remember
which lies
are for who
maybe
i should just start
speaking the truth

today
felt so far away
from where i stood
then

but now
here i am

Trees flying by
disappear only after a moment

Leaving you and everything else we had
beyond my horizon

all hope i had
turned into the reality
of paths
of life
living

circumstance..
all i believe in
how our paths are true
how we go in the right direction for ourselves
this is what took you away from me
not hate or jealousy
but the divergence of two paths

at this moment
i can only try to understand
how things work the way they should
because i can't believe that now

i had imagined what we would be
upon your arrival
things to come
things we'd do
just me being with you
but now everything is blank
i can't see my future
i'm returning home to uncertainty

yes, i'll be fine
i can breathe
but all the things you could have fed to my heart
go with you now
as you wind your way down breezy roads
sun shining
smiling

it's like trying to stop a waterfall
you can't
it just flows
I try to stop
try to block you
but i can't
it just flows

i'm weary
i'm torn apart

this past day
reminded me
how good i had it with you
how wonderful it feels to be with you
and how much i'm going to miss it all
and it's not fair
i had no time
i was unprepared
but you're not coming back
and part of me isn't coming back either

marriage
erased me
blinded me
from who i was

now
like a new discovery
i found her

Stacks of pencils
Lined the shores
But no one could write with them

They used all their words
And cut off their tongues

How will they tell me

Chop it all off I said
Strand by strand
Each pain goes away
And comes back
It never works, **** I always thought it did

You once tried to kiss me
In your living room
I cut off your head
And that chance didn’t i

I burned that bridge
And now I want to cross it!

Come find the string
That holds us together
I never saw it
I even tried to gnaw it off

I bet if you pull it
We might end up in the same place
Sing some songs for me
Put your voice in my ears

Tell me what you really feel
Because I know you’re lying

don't you see?
me?
are you listening

i cannot be me
until you recognize

all.the.things
in life
are calling

am i out of line?

why haven't you knocked

on
my
door

here's the key
i'll leave it out
underneath the dirt

wind blows it all away

passion is my middle name
you must have none

are you that scared

of what i cannot see

must i live these years
identically

repetition
breaks my heart

i had the notion
that you were not the same

can you feel this rhythm

it leaves my hands
and ventures out
into the unknown

catch it while you can

life and time are allies

sometimes they love the thorns

can i stop
pretending
to be happy
now?

i enjoyed the day
despite you
and certainly not
because of you

i know
i'm doing this for me
but
after all of this
if i don't have you
i
  will
    fall
      apart

you make me feel
lonely
even when i'm with you

i don't think
my emotions are fair
to you
but
i don't plan on
rightsizing

sabotage
sabotage
my favorite
self-infliction

tired of daydreams
dissolving
in the face of reality

today
my long-term wondering
becomes a short-term demand

sounds of rain
distinguishable drops
surround us
huddled inside,
sounds of passion
feeling hidden
invisible
free

pull me into you
cover me
in your touches
smooth me out
make me purr

since i’ve loved you
i’ve only
loved
you

a lone hand
outstretched
pulling me back up
from my darkness
the only one
who could

you push me
to the heights
lift me
from the depths

your love
is my reset button

you're not here
we aren't anything
this isn't real
i'm not your problem

i accepted our reality
already
but
that doesn't make it
any easier
to get through the day

i get high
to cope with life
so
what's the point?

this sadness
grew today

the wringing
the tension

a black hole
reducing me
to nothing

my body
rejects my sadness
hardens me instead

all of the possibilities
tied to that hope
floated away
with it

my ultimate betrayal
to the one i love
is pushing him away

this smile
is a lie

when you kiss me
like
desperately pulling in an anchor
i’m ready
to drift away
with you

it's hard to believe
that
this is true

since
just a few days ago
i saw you