devastation
doesn’t quite say how deep
this shattering
of my life
is

i know
we will be ok
but
right now
i’m not ok

i’m lonely with you
but
i’ll be lonely without you

now that
we both know

it suddenly
seems
more sad
more lonely

too real

i think about you
shamefully
when
most likely
you're not
thinking about
me

i think
you don't want me
but
you're too **** to admit

that this was just
something
you saw as a game
because
i'm
not
real
to
you

i know that
i just broke your heart
and i'll admit
that mine broke all over again
even though
it seems to have been breaking
over
and over
for the last 12 years.

i will say
that
each time
it got a little easier.

i saw your tears
heard your voice
with desperation
you
trying to grasp
the end.

for your first time.
and for that
i am sorry