i am now
ready
to love someone

and
tragically
it can’t be
you

i want you
to be afraid
of how much i love you
i want you to cower
from the power you see
i want us to be in awe
of each other
and in the force we create
in the echoes
of our brightness
the envious lovers
who shake
the cowards
and the disbelievers
who will never understand
our ache

i thought of you the whole way up
the way we laughed last time we were here
and you walked first
to catch the spider webs
i took a photo of you
with the sun rays shining down
from between the fluttering leaves
the wind carried your voice
so i couldn't hear everything you said
as you walked ahead with more speed
than i wanted
like you were trying to get away from me
and like i am now
always trying to keep up
while you're slowly moving
away

i should have made you stay

what is it to be innocent?
and why does it bring you back to me..
over and over again
you ignore my ignoring
and have something positive to say
even when i tell you to go away

i think i'm still waiting
for the truth to overlay

it scares me
like maybe
you didn't see something
to deter you
and like maybe
you will
one day

how many ways
can i pour
this
from my heart
until it's gone
or until
the overflow
stops
spilling into
other parts
of
me

what is

   enough
   right
   fitting
   --here--

now


that didn't seem
to be
before?

looking over your shoulder
with remorse

a heart's denial
you didn't enforce

word was never truth
(actions told me that)

intentions tend to soothe
(distracting from the act)

so why am
i
i'm still buying the lie