I spend my short life building walls for a living

Walls that keep in my emotions
And walls that keep out the ones who would corrupt them

But the mighty castle I've built has many flaws

They keep me safe, but trap my negativity
They protect me from others, but not from myself

But the worst part is that these walls may as well be made of paper

They crumble with the slightest of wind
They melt with the lightest of rain

These walls hold me up, but never when I need them

With the onset of autumn
Come the days I long for
Those in which the rain
Falls gently from a clouded sky

Not a heavy, depressing storm
Not the summer heat
Which only brings me pain
But that which lifts my spirit high

Walking out and looking up
I feel the raindrops washing
Depression from my brain
And I feel I want to fly

I spin around with arms spread wide
And open my mouth
To begin singing in the rain
And ignore the urge to ask why

This is a tale of two minds
One of pain, hate, and suffering
One of hunger, emptiness, and longing

Neither exists without the other
Always dancing back and forth
In arrhythmic chaos

Yet they never meet
They are always Yin and Yang
Black and white; left and right

Darkness and eternity
Never did I think
I'd ever miss the bleak shades of gray

I've never felt this way before
Surrounded by people, yet so alone
So empty; like a void growing inside me
Like an insatiable hunger

Hunger, yet no matter how much I eat
I'm still empty

I've never felt this way before
As if the vacuum inside me
Is slowly eating away at me
Like a rip in an airlock

An airlock soon to be ripped to shreds
By nothingness

I don't want to be awake
When I'm awake, I'm sad

I don't want to be awake
When I'm awake, I'm lonely

I don't want to be awake
When I'm awake, I'm in pain

I don't want to be awake
When I'm awake, I don't feel alive

I don't want to be awake
But I can't sleep

Sometimes

I like to wrap myself in a blanket
And pretend I have a force field

An impenetrable shield
And inside I cannot be harmed

Sometimes

I like to hide inside my force field
Many times for hours

Because I lack the power
To leave