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Ariadne Nov 2017
I'm never alone
I have my thoughts

Happy thoughts
Sad thoughts

Joyful thoughts
Lonely thoughts

Anxious thoughts
Depressive thoughts

Painful thoughts
Hurtful thoughts

Happy thoughts
Happy thoughts
Happy thoughts

I wish I was alone
Ariadne Nov 2017
Cloudy day
Blank screen

Nothing but empty pixels
Blank screen in my mind

Unblinking stare
Unsure where
I'm actually looking

What I'm trying to see

I don't look away
Just looking at the blank screen
In front of me

And then my screensaver takes over
Snapping me back to reality

Even if just briefly
Before returning to the tragedy

Of the blank screen
Ariadne Nov 2017
...I'll know a feeling other than emptiness
...I'll know a sensation other than anxiety

...I'll feel something other than loneliness
...I'll know something other than pain

...I'll be alright
...I'll be OK

...I'll be normal
...I'll be gone
Ariadne Nov 2017
Every day when the time has come
I walk to a door kept closed

Inside this room, a grand stage
As I enter, the lights dim
And I'm transported

To a world of fantasy and surrealism

A place where one may be entertained
Thrilled and excited, or frightened and harrowed
A Theater of Dreams

A theater free of charge
But where you'll never know what you'll get

On the stage plays the show
A show that even if I were to close my eyes
I'd never miss a second

A show about love and hate
Mania and depression, cyclicality and repetition

A show where the meaning may never be known

Perhaps recounting the events of the past
Or the mistakes you've made

Perhaps a portent of good fortune
Or an omen of ill fate

And just when one starts to find the meaning
The lights come on; the curtain falls
The show is over, and you're left
With more questions than answers

Was it a fantastic thriller?
Or a harrowing omen?
Was it a surreal experience?
Or a frightening vision?

The only certainty is that I find myself
Coming back again and again
Trying to see the same show
Trying to perceive new meaning

But every night, the cast is different
And the subject is unfamiliar
Yet the outcome is always the same
I do not know the meaning

And every day when the time has come
I walk to a door kept closed

To a world of fantasy and surrealism
Ariadne Nov 2017
When I put my headphones on
Everything just seems to melt away

Then a slow upwelling of assorted instruments
Violin, cello, piano
I hum along

Then words; many of them, sometimes strangely arranged
Waiting to be interpreted
I sing

The song is always one that resonates within me
It has deeper meaning
I ponder

A drum beat unlike any other
Changing time and rhythm
I play along on my desk

I've never felt or experienced more
Than when I'm lost in my music
Ariadne Nov 2017
I have a little black book
Inside are names
Names of those I know
Some I love
Some I onced loved
Some I came to despise
Every time I open the book
It makes me sad
Most of these names
I haven't spoken to in years
Some I barely remember
Sometimes I add new names
Not as often as I used to
And every time I do
A light shines inside
Before being extinguished
Once again
As I close my little black book
A little black book full of me
Ariadne Nov 2017
Hey, are you there?

If I waved my hand
As if to attract your attention

Would you see me?

Would you even
Go as far as to
Wave back?

Can you see me
In the darkness

Can you see my
Desire for your attention

Even if it is just trivial
In the end...

If I called out to you
"Hello"

Would you hear me?

Might you even
Ask me a question?
"How are you?"

Can you hear me
Through the strife?

Can you hear my
Call for your atention?

Even if it is just trivial
In the end...

Can you feel
My grasp slip away
As I fall into despair?

Can you hear
My cries for help
As the bond begins to tear?

Can you see
My final breath?
Or do your even care?

Why?

Why even care?
Notice?
Acknowledge?

I'm just a grain of sand...

Dust in the wind...

Maybe there are others...

So I ask...

"Hey, are you there?"
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