Its hard to find my way.
To realize my mistakes,
My actions' effects.

Everything has an effect.

I always turn to dead ends
And confuse myself more.
Twisting and turning and panicking and...
Breath. Breathe.
I'm thirsty.

I need... Answers.
To my one and only question.

*What should I do?

I wish I could sing.
And maybe I can,
But I want the voice that will give people chills
And lull them to sleep.
That soft beautiful voice that always seems prominent
In movies.

I want to create a melody
That tells a story, even if there are no audible words.

And I want robe able to show my emotions clearly,
So people will not misjudge me.

I am not good at using metaphorical statements.
The creative part of my mind is a brick wall,
Blocking everything behind it and keeping it from shining
Through this fog.
The words I say seem to be blank stares, waiting for a response, but not begging.
But of course they rejoice and hang banners and ribbons.
I am still not okay with being a porcelain doll.
Or a marionette,
Or a mannequin.
And I am still not good with metaphors.
But I can still show my soul,
Even if it is only a half finished painting.

The stars in the sky will melt for you.
All because your midnight fire burns
For those who are cold.
The pain you feel was never yours.
You never learned to
Ignite it.

Your flame, your fire
Rips out my heart.
And leaves me numb.
And leaves me dead.

All of this, every last droplet of
Brine that fell from your darkened skies
Tore through your colors.
And this God left forbidden
Smiles on you, darling.
Just like mine.

The numb, The grey
Consumes my mind.
And cuts through sense.
And cuts through hearts.

A thousand ways I wish I could cry,
But I could never accomplish
The shadows and ghosts
My past bombarded me with
Shortened the time I
Wish I had.

This Midnight Fire
Melts me down, scars
My skin. Leaving
Ash in the wind.

Just don't mind me.
It's alright, I'm just exploding here.
The stress, the schoolwork, the drama.
Everything.
It is way too much.
I cannot deal wih all of this at once.

The sharpness of your cheeks.
The soft curve of your lips.
The shadows on your collarbones.
The shape of your hands when you stroke my thigh.
The hard, toned muscles encasing your slender frame.
The long and strong legs that carry you.
The arch of your back as you begin to jump.
The curious look you give when you catch me staring.
The faint blush you (sometimes) show.
The hungry grins you let shine through
Or the laughing smile when you are with friends and family.
And the haunting color in your eyes.

I could go on, but I'm just trying to say,
You are the definition of
Sheer Perfection.
You are the definition of
Absolute Beauty.
And you are
Entirely *Mine.

Somehow,
I am sure
We will be.

If I had another self to tell me
Who I was.

Would I still be the same?

wordsarepuzzlesandiammissingpieces

I want my life to be:

Like it is in the movies.
A place where there is no sorrow.
A place where,
After the screen goes blank,
No one sees you again.
You disappear.
Die.

Or like it is in TV shows.
A place where you only live for short periods of time,
Then you disappear and reappear the next week.
If you are in an anime,
You live in a surreal wonderland.
2D, Pretty,   Happy.
Until it ends and you are forgotten.

Or like it is in books.
The romantic ones
Or ones with a happy ending.
Every detail describing your life
So everyone knows.
Then,
As the reader turns the last page,
Snaps the book shut,
It all ends.
They move on and don't think twice about you.
Finally.
Peace.
Dead in the minds of others.
And, maybe someday,
In your own.

Along with bringing happiness,
Love also brings pain,
And gives you the ability to cause pain.
Otherwise, whats the point?
Do they really love you if you can't hurt them in some way?

The mumbling, silencing aspect
Of this Dark Depression;
Nothing can heal me.

I've managed to hold it off,
Just barely long enough.
It's faster than me.

It makes me angry.
It makes me sad.
But also completely
And utterly
Consumed.

This chain holds memories.
Loving ones,
Angry ones,
And hungry ones.
The glass reflects them.
Because it was around my neck through it all.

And resonates with my mind,
And everything else is lost to me.

I will never even think of
Losing you, my dear.
I can't think of what running will give me.
I will continue to wonder where
This will lead.
And I do it for you.
I listen to music and I realize
That love lasts forever.
I am through worrying
And trying to memorize
The scenarios that could happen.
I don't know what to say, but
Just know that I only
Fall for you.
And I always will,
Until that last day.
But it will avoid me.
And it will never show it's face.

It is increasing.
Pain. Physical. Mental.
Should I regret it?

The tears fall for what feels like a thousand years.
I stand, watching them fall to the ground at my feet.
The pain in this head is unbearable.
The Thoughts, The Dreams, The Nightmares
That I enjoy without control.
In my sleeping head I look at pools of my own blood and scream.
Yet I come back to the conscious world with a smile on my face.

Do you know?
Because I sure as hell don't...
I know a lot of people have this.
This 'disorder.'
I know some people understand.
Understand what it's like.
I know I am not alone.
But no one knows
Me.
My hell,
My head,
Me.
Most people know why.
Most people have reasons.
Most people have excuses.
Not me.
I don't know why.
I don't have reasons.
Do you know?

Hate.
A strong word,
Used by many
To hurt
To Harm
To maim
The feelings of others.
I might hate you,
But
This is not
A hate poem.
But
This is not
A love poem, either.
And
I still don't like you.
Your words,
Meant to
Make me
Feel loved
Or
Maybe hot,
Disgust me.
You may want me,
But
I don't
Feel wanted.
I feel
Violated
Instead.

Poets never die.
Never stop writing,creating, inspiring.

Poets don't fall...

We sleep.
And wait.
Wait
To be remembered,
And rewritten.

Recreated and

*Reborn

No.
Not yet.
Just wait until I get home...
Safe in my room,
With my music,
My books,
My chalkboard.
That's all I ask.
It'll be difficult,
But, please,
Hold off my tears until then.
Please not yet.

Invisible, unknown.
What's the difference?
Either way I am not seen.
Not believed.
Blamed for everything.

And someone else gets credit for my accomplishments.

Maybe that's why I strive to be
Noticed.
I correct people,
I talk nonstop,
I go on rants about things that no one cares about.
I don't try to.
It just slips out.

And maybe that's why I write in class.

Because I know I am heard here.
You know me better than they do.

Why can't people like me just be happy?
There is just one answer.
Life is not fair.
Why can't people be distracted from pointless things?
There is just one answer.
The world's so called "knowledge" is growing.
Why can't respect be a priority?
There is just one answer.
Not many people care.

Boo!
I love you, darling!

I always will.
Even if you disappear.

Because we are a math equation.
Numbers and variables,
Exponents and everything else.
It may look complex to some or
Maybe it makes people sick to look at,

But there are tricks and it is easy to figure out.

The simplified equation comes down to
Us*love=

You are my best medicine.

But, the thing is, I'm on a strict
Schedule. I can't have you whenever I want.
And I can't have as much as I want.

I just hope I don't run out.

Guilt overrides happiness.
Only in some circumstances.

                                 Like being strange... An outcast...
And dragging a lover into the light with you.

                                 He is labeled just as I am, now.

iwishiwasdeadsoicouldntthinkanymore

The thing I hate,
Is people who think that they are:
all that and a bag of chips,
a chip off of the old block,
the center of the universe.

What about us?
We are the people who:
care about others,
make the good decisions,
give advice.

I need fairness.
Can't people just:
agree to disagree,
keep their thoughts to themselves,
try a little taste of kindness?

No

Because people will be people.

And people ****.

threetypes:mentalpainfulbeautiful

You unknowingly reach to me.
Feel the energy in your fingertips when you touch me.

I can feel it, too.

It feels warm,
Cold,
Fuzzy,
Pressurized.
It makes me shiver.

You've done it.
You've accomplished the next step.
You have the sight,
Now you have the touch.

**I can teach you more.

strengthisknowingyourplaceintheworld

Lets see how skilled you are as a poet. Comment ONE word that means something to you along with an explanation. That one word will then be the title of a new poem and the explanation being the subject. Does anyone want to try? I will.

Intuition. Following logic in most circumstances is not really my thing. I seem to follow my instinct and do what the energy around me guides me to do.
__

So much meaning behind so few words.
A story, mostly hidden, yet to be told.

I'll share it with you, if you wish.

Hidden in poetry is
A past,
A present,
A wished-for future,
And pain.
So much pain.
And love.
So much love.

It contradicts itself, mostly.
A beautiful song, sung by the pen and paper,
That shows horrific, or beautiful, things.

I'll show them both to you, if it is so desired.
I have both, now at least.
Don't you see?
The beauty, love, and surrender hidden in these words
Are for you.
You are my inspiration,
Poetry is... *My escape.

I'll never use this... Why does it matter if I know it, if I do we'll in this class.
I don't like numbers. I am an artist. I like colors.
I can speak and I can write.
And I can draw the things that hide in people's nightmares.
I have no use for the history of the world.
Because I am one of the many that will make new history.

I don't care if I fail in this part of my life.
Because I will succeed in another.
And no one will stop me.

My **** today was
Huge
And meaningful

I'm surprised to find
That my lips and body don't
Ting
When I move.
Considering my face is made of Porcelain
Or glass
Or clay.
Anything fragile.

Its a mask.
A somewhat happy looking one
That's been shattered.
Glued.
Shattered.
Taped.
Shattered.
Remade.
Broken and stolen.

I'm done hiding.

Tell me what comes next.
Do you have a vision, a dream,
Of what might happen
In the future, no matter how far?

I don't know why I'm asking...
I guess I like to dream.

As the thoughts and emotions flow,
The pages fill up.
What will happen when my mind
Has nowhere to turn to?
No more pages to fill?
When a pond is full, it overflows,
Letting go some of what makes it beautiful.
What will happen to my pages,
My storybook,
My escape?
If it overflows, it wont let me in anymore.

A promise is a promise.
No matter how old or how silly it seems.
-
Promise me...
Tell me if you ever stop loving me.

Or else it will hurt more when I find out.
-
Promises are meant to be fulfilled.
Even if pain is caused.
-
Promise me...
Tell me when you are in pain.

I know how much it can hurt.
Better than anyone, I think.
-
And these promises are mine.
And yours.
I trust you.
Keep them.
-
Promise me...

If I ever say I need time alone again,
Don't leave me.

It only makes me cry more to see you walk away.

myheadpoundsmyheartbeatsmysoulthrobs

It just so happens,
Your pulse reminds me of music.
Or is it the other way around?
A constant beat.
Your voice: The melody.
Every move, every kiss,
I feel it get faster
faster
faster

And with faster music,
Comes more ****** dancing.

Just looking at you yesterday,
I figured out so much.

Like how deep "Us" goes.
And how much I respect you,
Trust you,
And mostly Love you.

There are too many things to name,
But trying and failing is better than never beginning.

But I don't even know where to start....
Your determination
To change the world in your unique way,
One step at a time?

Your gentle smile when we meet eyes and
(I think) you know I'm wondering?

Your distant stares with complex codes that I have yet
To crack?

Your laugh... Where do I begin?
Just that alone gives me goosebumps
Only because the sound belongs to you alone.

And of course your toned body and skilled lips
Are a bonus.

I love you.
There's so many reasons,
And so many unknown factors.
But I don't care.

I just hope this made you smile,
Just like I did when I read it for the first time.

This much homework on only the third day?
Are you ******* serious?!

This is insane...

I love school because I can get away from home,
But this just might ruin its for me.

I've been thinking...
I need answers.
Reasons.
It may be true that you open up around me, but...
You still seem closed off.
I know there's more.
I can see it.
It makes me think you don't trust me.

I tell you a lot.
I've cried in front of you.
And I've revealed my biggest secret
That I thought you'd reject me for.

I need a reason not to think so.
A reason to believe that you aren't
S.l.o.w.l.y backing away.
Abandoning me.

You say "I love you" often enough,
But that's not what I need.
I need a random confession of whatever is bothering you.
Just let it out!
I need you to stop worrying and feel worried about for once!
Because I do worry.

I used to do this
And I've healed tremendously.
It might have been worse
Considering I would tell friends out of nowhere
"I want to **** myself"
But I still let it out.

Even if its not as bad for you,
Or if it is,
It helps to be heard.
And I've given you multiple reasons to speak.

I never knew
of the lies,
the stories,
or the actions that meant nothing.
Never knew
how they would affect me.

I never thought
about how mistreated,
degraded I was.
I was told things about myself.
I never thought
that they might not be true.

I never acted
on the people that
made my life Hell.
Mostly myself.
Too much is expected of me.
I never acted as though
I was real.

Never again.

Never again will I
lie to myself.
About myself.
Nor will I accept lies from others.

Never again will I
Refuse to think of
my own well being.
Nor will I be ignored by others.

Never again will I
sit by and watch
while this Hell tortures me.
Nor will I feel that pain again.

Never again will I
think of myself as a lesser being.
For I am whole.
Not a fraction of
what I should be.
I am one.
One who knows.
One who will stand for myself.
And for those like me.

Here's to the **REJECTS

Once upon what seems like so long ago,
We were children incapable of being tainted.
A kiss was just a peck on the cheek
And "*****" was just something that you drilled into a wall.
Boys and girls could be friends, best friends even,
Like mine were, and rumors of *** were unheard of.
When fights on the playground were just childish games,
And we didn't care about other's opinions.
We wondered what it would be like to grow up, never realizing the horrors.
Of the lies,
The drama,
The torture we would face.
Now, we think back, wondering why we ever changed.
Why we wished to be the way we are now.

Today, we are Teenagers;
Hormonal,
Emotional,
Physical,
And undoubtedly stereotypical.
Society seems to think we are incapable of rationality.
Incapable of thinking about consequences instead of pleasure
And who the next girl to "pop" would be.
But, no.
We wonder why.
Why we had to change.
Why we did change.
Why we lost our most prized possession.
We remember the friends we had,
The promises we made.
The inside jokes that everyone knew.
The one kid we wanted to marry,
And then they moved across the country.

We were so innocent, and knew so little.
Until we grew and adapted to the young adult life.
We claimed to be happy, and others believed,
But all of us teens know
We long to be young.
We long to be innocent.
We long to be normal.
Not the perverted freaks people think us to be.
Not the people who judge boys who act like girls
Or the girls who look like boys.

Our innocence and ability to understand was robbed from us
The second we left Elementary school.
Some of us now feel the  need to bully others,
To judge our peers,
To impress the opposite gender by exposing ourselves.

If only we could remember the innocence.
If only we could bring it back like a retro fashion sense,
Yet keep it here instead of letting it die for good.
Could we try?
Will it work?

Could it still be with us after all this time?

I have a song in my head.
And I blame it for this dilemma

But, then again, you sang it.

Heart skips,
Stomach falls,
Cupids bow curves up.
The words you speak,
Text,
Communicate in every way
Gives me a constant
Roller-Coaster Ride.

muchlikemyfavoriteflowerthehumanmindalsowilts