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Hum
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Hum
I'm trying to think of a melody
To describe us.
I cant sing,
Or play guitar (yet),
But I can hum.
And you can, too.

Do you *have a song?
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
Sticks, Stones, Broken Bones.
Words aren't supposed to hurt us.
We are so naive.
The New Kestrel Jan 2013
I am not normal.
It's as simple as that.
I like both girls and boys,
I enjoy classic literature as well as others.

I am simply not normal.
It's as true as the smile that this poem brings to both me and the reader.
I am mismatched,
I wear mo-hawks to school and buzz my hair off.

I am strange.
As easy as ABC.
I take pride in my differences,
And I respect others who are like me as well.

We are all strange.
We are all not normal.


It's as simple as that.
Embrace your differences. Who cares if stupid people say you are a freak. You are who you are. No one can control that but you. There is no reason to fell left out because, somewhere, people understand. The one that you are looking for might even be right in front of you.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The veins in your hands,
The strong structure of your body.
Eyes that have haunted my dreams for months.

The same pair of sweatpants every day,
That somehow completes you.
And the random stares that make my stomach drop.

The low voice you use when we are close,
And the shaky whispers when we are alone.

The colors you radiate are brilliant.
And the energy you give sends shivers down my spine.

The smell that lingers  on the clothing you lend me,
And the strength that gives me during the day.

Your strong arms around me when I fall asleep.

Did I ever tell you that I can hear you?
Faintly, but one time I could remember.
No dream, just a voice.

And I tried to say it back,
But my voice caught in my throat.

And it was then that I knew,
We'd be that way forever.
Or at least a very long time.



The bright, squinty eyed, smile when
You're having fun,
Or when a friend says something perverted.
And the laugh that is contagious.

Your annoyance when I wear heels,
And your in insistence that I am indeed a gamer.
Even if it is a joke.
Your ability to stay strong even if life kicks you where it counts.
And your determination to save people,
Help everyone you can,
Before saving yourself.

I could go on for eternity.
But, and I will steal your line,
I need something to write about later, right?
The New Kestrel May 2013
I want to die.
Tell me,
Is it possible?
Can I do it myself?
Or will I be judged.
Ignorant little pests
Who belong to a certain religion
Tell me I'd go to hell.

But I'm already there.
And I can not escape.

My one
And only
Real Hell,

Has been in my head
The whole time.
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
I think I should leave this page blank.
I wanted to write something for you,
But all of the lovey-dove-y romance-y stuff
Has been taken.

I wouldn't have been able to say it all anyway...
Maybe just a portion.

Now, though, I realize
I could never put it into words.
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
You want to know?
You really want to know...?
Well then, you tell me.
Because I have no clue.
When,
Where,
How
Something this important happens.

Are you trying to **** me off?!

Why didn't you tell me?
It's as important to me as it is to you,
Even if its not "ma thang"...

Do you not trust me?
Or are you just an idiot...

I'll explain more tomorrow...
Short little outburst because *someone* has to keep ******* me off. Keeping things from me. Life changing things, at least for him. Is it wrong for me to be angry he kept this from me until three hours before something extremely important happened?
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
connections are strange.
And i wonder what kind we have.
i know i love you and i know you love me.

do we have a spiritual connection?
meant to teach eachother about the world in our own eyes?
or is it only physical?
only when you touch me or when i kiss you?

do we have a mental connection?
can we trust eachother with secrets and
emotions?
or is that too much for you?

we joke, but we dont have many deep talks.
not about us,
family,
or even the weather and how it makes us feel.
i try,
but are you interested?

do you try to hide from me?
thats how it seems.
only short answers and "yes, im fine."
but i know otherwise.

why wont you confide in me?
thats what im here for.

Every day i feel more and more as though
youre using me as a distraction.
from the trauma
from the curiosity,
from the confusion.

are you?
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It's always a tree.
I don't know why,
It just
Is.

I draw it sprawled out across the skin on my arm.
Sharpies sting on scratched limbs.

But at least I can trace it and remember how much I've grown.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
My skin is hot.
I can feel it.

But my bones are cold.

Shivers are sent down my spine
And I know I am shaking.

The only thing I can think of is
You.
Your scent
Your energy
Your touch
Your voice
Lingers around me and dances with my senses.
I am burning for you,
But I feel cold.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Why can't life be easy?
They make it seem blissful in the movies,
Why not here?

I'm sick of the stress,
The sadness,
The anxiety,
Everything!

Why can't things be like the movies?
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
mymindiscompletelyblankbutmyimaginationisfullofideas
The New Kestrel May 2013
Randomly pin my arms above my head
And kiss me senseless.
Hug me from behind when I'm at my locker.
Whisper that you love me in a stage whisper
so everyone can hear.
Grab my hands and twirl me in circles.
Wrestle me down and tickle me until i can't breathe.
Write my name across your hand
And sign your name on my neck.
Forget everything people say and go for it,
Because no one would do a better job than you.
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
A boy told me once
That he loved me.
That he wanted me.
To understand me.
I told him,
"No"
He looked confused.
As if I'd dedicated myself
To a life of isolation.
Not too far from truth, is it?
"You can't."
He looked at me.
"Why?"
Yes.
Why indeed.

The last thing I said to him
Before I left,
"Because it is impossible."
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The smoke rises and an aroma fills the room.
Relaxing and intoxicating.

It's just a coincidence that this is your scent.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
This math, I don't need.
This history, I don't need.
I want my life to center in art, writing,
Literature.
I read, I write,
And I capture the word in one precise moment that will never be seen again.
A lost time.
In one snapshot.
I hate these numbers.
And I hate the history that has corroded our world.

I want something else.
I don't need this place.

I had somewhere I wanted to go.
I would fit there.
But I can't.

Right now, music would help.
Melting into it and draining the world of its color.
Black and white.
No more thoughts, just the beat.
Other people's words.
And just noise.
No more thinking.
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
I dream,
Desperately,
Of letting go.
I know I shouldn't,
But I constantly
Cling
to the idea of Euphoria.
Death?
Freedom?
Are they similar?
Or am I insane?
Should I be put away?
Succumb to my greatest fear?
Or settle for my beloved Euphoria?
The one I call Death Herself.
Questions cloud my mind.
So many.
Unanswered,
Puzzle-like.
A saying comes to my vision.

"You are insane if you don't think you are,
but if you think you are, you aren't."

It goes in circles.
Never ending.
Which one am I?
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Knowing and thinking are two different things.

I didn't think I should love you.
I knew.

It was all intuition.
A vision of what it would be like to be happy for once.
And logic played no part.
Poetic Challenge
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I woke up this morning
And my first thought was you.
An image of your face is imprinted
In my mind
And I saw you.

Its happened every morning since
You first kissed me,
And I told you I loved you.
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
It's not just mine.
There are differences, yes,
But it is still the same.
The words tell stories.
Possibly of caves or black holes,
Vines or the moon,
The meanings hidden from you.
It all connects, somehow.

The human experience continues
To be revealed.
More.
More is happening,
And everyone has their own words.
Some are the same as mine.

Some just need to tell. To get into peoples heads.
Some are healing themselves.
Some, like me, are searching. Wanting to be fully understood.

But, somehow, it all connects.
It is all the same.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Imprinted in my brain,
A stray thought still remains.

I can't help it,
It is a part of me.
And while it is true I have promised,
And I will follow through,
It is still there.

But it is fading.
Slowly.

I have voices telling me
That they care.

Real ones. Ones that are
Not in my head, but rather echoing in my ear.

Thank you.
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
It seems different. Now,
A new view of me unraveled.
Will something be changed?
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
It would help if
I could see.
I've forgotten my glasses and I can
hardly see the silver-green
of your eyes,
can hardly see the veins in your hands
when you take mine in yours.

It might also help if
I could think.
I see you looking
across the table at me,
my heart leaps,
my stomach drops,
I feel myself getting hot.
My mind goes
Blank.
Even though I can't see the silver-green
of your eyes,
the veins in your hand as you
take mine with yours,
it helps to know.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The feeling you give me is surreal,
And I want it to stay with me forever.

Do you?
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
I worry constantly that something will happen.
It isn't intuition, or abandoned hope, or a threat,
I just worry. It is because of experiences
In the past. They ruined me. Scarred me.
All I need to heal, is to know.
Know that I am okay, That I am accepted.
I still worry that this will affect us, but
I still love you. I will fight for you.
This might just turn into a love poem,
Though that was not my original purpose.
But things happen. It is inevitable, I believe.
Just like worrying. I can't help it. It is habitual.
And like writing. I cant help it if I write about
You. It happens. And it will always be a love poem.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Today as I worked my *** off,
I had ear-buds in.
Blasting bass and screams into my ear
With every song.
And I heard one that i knew by heart.

And it reminded me
How lucky I am to have you.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I will always be here.
For anyone.
Just send me a message,
If you have my digits,
Just give me a call.
Tell me your problems and seek
Advice.
Or just talk.
About the weather,
School,
Sports tryouts.
Anything.

I will always be here.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
With a single embrace,
A single kiss,
A single stroke
And I melt.
My heart goes out to you,
Belongs to you.
I want to make you happy.
So I gave you my personal set of keys.

When we collide,
Connect when we are alone,
I can feel the beads
Rolling down your body,
Making you wet and slippery.
Your skin warm,
Burning.
And all I can think of
Is how cold I feel.
Chills from how you touch me
Encasing my body.

Fire and Ice.

All I can say is... *Opposites Attract
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
Since the connection, we've only progressed.
Going further, Knowing more.
Telling is difficult, because of these emotions,
And trying is all we can do.

I've cried around you,
Because of you,
More than I ever have.
Happiness, Confusion, Sadness, Hurt.
Not even that!
I've cried just because I needed to, for no reason.

You have been here for me,
Told me so and made promises.
Held me while i sobbed and left tear stains on your shirt,
Whispered comforting words.

You said you were sure you'd never
Stop loving me.
But I'm scared.  We're so young.
How can you be so sure?

That was my question,
Still is.

"I just am."

I really hope this is real.
I never want this to end.
Draft. might add to.
The New Kestrel May 2013
I knew it.
He was in pain, and hiding it.
I saw it, but was scared
To ask.

Would he get mad at me?
Would he not trust me?
Or tell me?

My love, if you are reading this,
It will get better.
Your friends,
Your family,
And me.
We are all here.

Silence is not golden,
No matter what the movie theater screen says.
Silence is empty,
Hollow,
Sorrowful,
And full of pain.
Speak and Reveal.
No one is alone and I hope this teaches everyone as well as the one I love.

If he reads this.
The New Kestrel Dec 2012
I Hate
           the lies that are told.
I Hate Not
                  the people who tell them to try and protect me.
I Hate Not Knowing
                                  the ugly truth that has been hidden.
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
I can see it all.
The eyes show me.
The lives, emotions, pains and pleasures
Of others.
They are all painted in landscapes.
Forests: light or dark.
Rivers: murky or clear.
Skies: colorful or colorless.
Every shade
Every swirl
Tells a story.
Every flicker in your eyes tell me,
Show me,
The beauty of your mind.
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
toomanythingsinthisworlddisappointme
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Why are you still talking to me?
Leave me alone.
I don't want to talk to you.
I'm better off.
And I love someone else.
In love.
I never really loved you,
So why do you try?

Just forget that anything ever happened.
Better yet, just
*********!
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Get it?
Things happen and time passes.
At least in my world.
Nothing is worth hanging on to.

I want to move on.
I let out my fears, my emotions,
But you won't let me heal.

Let me go.
Life goes on,
And I want to forget
And forgive myself.
The New Kestrel Jan 2013
Although the light is visible,
I can not reach.
The darkness consuming me is thick,
The light inches closer,
Begging for my touch.
It always loses its way.
The darkness following close behind it
Pulls it back into oblivion.
I will never reach it.
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
Once a world void of color,
Empty.
Dark.
Lonely.
Turned bright.
Full of color,
But still
Empty.
Dark.
Lonely.

Only stillness lived
In the world full of color.
Once
Void of color.
Until
One minute passed.
A soft whistle,
A chill,

And blackness.

A buzz.
A flash.

Colorless.

The light switch broke.
I can't fix it,
But you can.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I want my glasses to shine and glare
When I push them up my nose.

Maybe then I'll be taken seriously.
They always freak out and get all serious when that happens in anime shows, why not in real life?
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I know you did.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have looked to
Hungry
When you kissed me.

I need to tell you
To kiss me like you mean it
A LOT more often
If that's what will come of it.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It's review.
Easy. Too easy.

Simplify by distributing
And combine like terms.

Move the variables first.

Move constants.

Solve and check.

But we already knew this. Why would we be here if we didn't?
I can't work if I'm not challenged.
And today, I nearly fell asleep.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I had a dream that you looked
Into my eyes.
And stroked my cheek with your fingertips.
Ever so gently.

And the world around us fell.
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
pleasedonttellmethreehasbeenlongenough
itscaresmetothinkoflosingyousosoon
The New Kestrel Feb 2013
I am empty.
The void inside
Fills to the brim,
Overflows with things
I have lost.
My rationality.

These words tell my story.
The one I cant tell.
The colors I see,
Auras.
The beings I see,
Shadows.

Not one person
Feels the same.
I am proof.
Fear, Sadness,
The longing
To be normal.

Leave me be,
Or I will go
Insane.
Constant distraction.
Falling apart.
Drifting away.

Slowly.
Gently.
Slipping
Into the darkness
That consumes my mind.
Fighting for one last breath.

How do I fight myself?
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
runningawayfromyourself.confusion.
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
My first thought is
I love you.
I want you.
I'm scared to go farther.
To hurt you.
But I still wonder if you'd let me.

This love and pain and wonder
Is eating me alive.
I worry constantly.
Especially since the pain
Will not be mine.

I am scared that
Our feelings will fade.
Wash away like a memory.
I'm scared to go farther.
To drive you away.
But I still wonder
If you'd stay.

This curiosity kills me.
Lightning in our skies.
Fringing the ends of my heartstrings,
Encasing me in my own lies.
My mind tells me
something is to come.
All I need to know,
Is that it's false.
Not written in my point of view. As I believe another views it.
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
I miss you, love. The feeling of your warm caress on my cheek.
The drop of rain on my chest.
I never fell like you did.
You used to fall for me every night. You made it obvious,
And it lulled me to sleep.

Then you left me.

I could no longer feel you.
And you could no longer hear my whimpers and cries.

Its been years since then.
You came back few times. I purged, just because I longed for you.

I wont let it happen again.
I refuse to love my teardrops anymore.
I refuse to cry.
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
"Get her, girl!"
"Talk to her!"
"Are you two...?"
"Ask her out!"

No!
Maybe?
Okay.
But I don't know!
We're just teenage girls!
Why is there so much pressure!?
So much rain?
This flower needs water,
But there's already too much!
Soon it will die.
Drowned.
I want to, but,
Then again,
I don't know if I should.
I wish to love
While I'm still young.
To Love Young
But,
This?
It's more like...

Love Maybe...

I'm indecisive!
I can't help it!
I'm lost!



I'm scared...
Quickly written. I was kind of in a panic after this happened and my fingers are on fire now. Tell me what you think.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I feel the pull,
The enlightenment the moon gives me.
The energy radiating from it.
A beacon in a dull world
Full of ignorance and blindness.

If they knew the power,
The knowledge behind it,
The world would change.
People would change.

All because of a new found
Inspiration.
Clarity.
Intuition.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
It took forever
To find my way and map it.
Yet you made it through
With seemingly no guidance.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I am warning you.
Stay back.

I will talk, but only because you said
That you'd do some etching for me.
Carve things out and fill in the blanks.

You'd recommend something to me.
And I am grateful, but I am only a client,
Aren't I?

Tell me the name and contact information of my new teacher,
And I will be on my way.
But I don't need a teacher. A master.
I don't need someone other than the ones I already have.
But it would be nice to learn more.
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